Part 3

Likwise, I like it as ill to see a Gentleman settle him selfe, to do the needes of Nature, in presence of men: And after he hath doone, to trusse him selfe againe before them. Neither would I have him (if I may geve him councell) when he comes from suche an occupation, so much as washe his hands, in the sight of honest company: for y^t the cause of his washing, puts them in minde of some filthy matter that hath bene done aparte. And by the same reason, it is no good maner, when a man chaunceth to see, as he passeth the waye (as many times it happeneth) a lothesome thing, y^t wil make a man to cast his stomacke, to tourne unto the company, & shewe it them. And much worse I like it, to reache some stinking thing unto a man to smell unto it: as it is many a mans fashion to do, w^t importunate meanes, yea, thrusting it unto their nose, saying: "Foh, feele I pray you, how this doth stink:" where they should rather say, "smell not unto it: for it hath an ill sent." And as these and like fashions offend the senses, to which they appertaine: so to grinde the teethe, to whistle, to make pitifull cries, to rubb sharpe stones together, and to file uppon Iron, do muche offend the Eares and would be lefte in any case. Neither must wee refraine those things alone, but we must also beware we do not sing, and specialy alone, if we have an untuneable voice, which is a common fault with moste men: And yet, hee that is of nature least apt unto it, doth use it moste. So there be some kinde of men, that in coffing or neesing, make suche noise, that they make a man deafe to here them: other some use in like things, so little discretion, that they spit in mens faces that stand about them: besides these there be some, that in yauning, braye and crye out like Asses. And yet such, with open mouth wil ever say and do what they list, and make such noise, or rather such roaring, as the dumme man doth, when he striveth with him selfe to speake. All these yllfavoured fashions, a man must leave, as lothsome to the eare and the eye. And a man must leave to yawne muche, not only for the respect of the matter I have saide alreadye, as that it seemes to proceede, of a certaine werines, that shewes that he that yawneth, could better like to be els where, then there in that place: as wearied with the companie, their talke, and their doings. And sure, albeit a man be many times disposed to yawne, yet if he be occupied with any delight, or earnest matter to think uppon: he shall have no minde to doe it. But if he be lumpishe & idle: it is an easy matter to fall in to it. And therefore, When a man yawneth, in place where there bee slouthfull and Idle folkes, that have nothing to doe, the rest, as you may see many times, yawne againe for companie by & by: as if he that yawned, had put them in minde to doe it, which of them selves they would have done first, if hee had not be-goone unto them. And I have many times heard learned and wise men say, that A yawner meaneth as much in Latin as a careles and Idle bodie. Let us then flye these condicions, that loathe (as I said) the eyes, the Eares, & the Stomacke. For in using these fashions, we doe not only shewe that we take litle pleasure in the company, but we geve them occasion withall, to judge amis of us: I meane y^t we have a drowsye & hevie nowle, which makes us ill wellcom, to all companies we come unto. And when thou hast blowne thy nose, use not to open thy handkercheif, to glare uppon thy snot, as if y^u hadst pearles and Rubies fallen from thy braynes: for these be slovenly parts, ynough to cause men, not so much not to love us, as if they did love us, to unlove us againe. As the Sprite of Labirintho doth testifie (who soever he were that made it) who (to quenche y^e heate wherwith Master John Boccase burned in desire and Love of his Lady unknowne) tells, come ella covaua la cenere, sedendosi insu le calcagna; & tossiua, & isputaua farfalloni.

It is also an unmanerly parte, for a man to lay his nose uppon the cup where another must drinke: or uppon the meate y^t another must eate, to the end to smell unto it: But rather, I would wish he should not smell at all, no not to that which he himselfe should eate and drinke: because it may chaunce there might fall some droppe from his nose, that would make a man to loath it: although there fall nothing at all in deede. Neither, by mine advise, shalt thou reache to any man, that cup of wine wherof thy selfe hast first dronke and tasted: w^tout he be more then a familiar friend unto thee. And much lesse must thou give any parte of the peare or the fruite, which thou hast bitten in thy mouth before. And esteeme not light of my talke, for that these things be of little account: For even light stripes (their number may be such) be able to slaye fast ynoughe.

Now you shall understand, there was in Verona, a bishop a wise man, a learned & of a singular good wit by nature, whose name was Giovanni Matheo Giberti: Amongst many good parts y^t were in him, he was very courtious & liberall, to all gentlemen & noble men that came unto him, doing them all y^e honor he could in his house, not with over much pompe and cost, but with convenient entertainement and measure, such as besemed well a man of the Clergie. It chaunced in his time, a noble gentleman called Count Richard, passed that way, to spend a fewe dayes with the Bishop and his householde together: which was thoroughly furnished w^t honest gentlemen and very well learned. And bycause they found him a Noble gentleman, courteous and well beseene in all good behaviour, they praised him muche, and made muche of him, save that one unmanerly fashion they muche misliked in him. When the Bishop was advertised of it, consulting with some of his familiars about it (as he was a wise man in all his doings) straite they concluded, it should be necessary to let y^e Count have knowledge of it: albeit they feared, they should offend him. Upon this, y^e Count taking his leave, and redy to ride away the next morning, the Bishop called one of his servants unto him, (a man of good discretion) and gave him in charge to take his horse, to beare the Count company, some parte of his waye: And when he sawe his time, after an honest sorte, to tell him, that which they had determined betwene them selves. The same gentleman that had this charge, was a man well strooken in yeares, very lerned, and mervailous pleasaunt, welspoken, comely, and had muche frequented in his time, y^e Courtes of greate Princes: who was (perhaps) and is, called Galateo: at whose request and councell, I first tooke in hand to set forth this present treatise. Riding with the Count, he found him plesaunt talke ynoughe, and passing from one matter to another, when he thought it time to returne to Verona, in taking leave at parting, with a gentle & cherefull countenaunce, he used this speache unto him. "Sir Count, my Lorde yealdeth you many thanks for the honour you have done him, in that it hath pleased you to vouchesafe his poore house: and that he may not be unthankfull, for this your greate courtesie shewed unto him, he hath geven me in charge, that I must leave a present with you in his behalfe: and he sends it unto you with earnest request, that you please to take it in good worthe: and this is the gift. You are a goodly gentleman, and the best manered man my Lorde hath ever seene: So that very heedefully beholding your behaviours, and particularly considering them all, hee findeth no one that is not very comely and comendable, only one unsemely tricke alone excepted, which you make with your lippes and your mouth together, feeding at your meate with a certaine straunge noyes, unpleasaunt to all men that heare it. This my Lord willed me to tell you, and prayes you to endevour your selfe to leave it, and withall to accept in lewe of a beter present, this loving admonition and councell of his: for he is sure, there is none in the worlde, would make you the like present." The Count (that never wist of his fault till now) hearing himselfe reproved, chaunged his countenance a little, but (as a man full of stomacke ynough) taking hart at grasse, he said: "Tell your Lorde, that if all the gifts that men wont to geve eche other, were such as his, men should be muche more riche then they are. And for his greate courtesie and liberalitie to mee, geve him many thanks I pray you, and let him be sure, I will not faile from henceforthe to mend my fault, and God be with you."

Now what shal we thinke this Bishop, his modest and honest company about him would say, if they sawe these whome wee see other while, (like swine w^t their snouts in the washe, all begroined) never lift up their heads nor looke up, and muche lesse keepe their hands from the meate, and w^t both their cheeks blowne (as if they should sound a trumpet, or blowe the fier) not eate but ravon: whoe, besmearing their hands, almost up to their elbowes, so bedawbe y^e napkins, that y^e cloathes in the places of easement, be other while cleaner. And to mend these slovenly maners, be not ashamed, many times with these filthy napkins, to wipe awaye the sweat that trickleth and falleth downe their browes, their face and their necke (they be such greedy guts in their feeding) and otherwhile to, (when it comes uppon them) spare not to snot their sniveld nose uppon them. Truly these beastly behaviours and fashions, deserve not alone, to be thrust out of this noble bishops house, that was so pure and cleane: but to be throughly banished all places, where any honest men should com. Let a man then take hede, hee doe not begrease his fingers so deepe, y^t he befyle the napkins to much: for it is an ill sight to see it: neither is it good maner, to rubbe your gresie fingers uppon y^e bread you must eate.

The servaunts that bee appointed to waite uppon the table, must not (in any wise) scratche and rubbe their heades, nor any parte els in the sight of their Lorde & Master: nor thrust their hands in any those partes of their body that be covered, no not so muche as make any proffer: as some careles fellowes doo, holding their hands in their bosome, or cast under the flappes of their coates behind them. But they must beare them abroade without any suspicion and keepe them (in any case) washt & cleane without any spot of durt uppon them. And they that cary the dishes, or reache the cup, must beware at that time, they doe not spit, coughe or neese: for in such doings, Suspicion is as greate, and offendeth asmuche, as the very deede it selfe: and therefore, servants must forsee, they geve no cause to Maisters to suspect: For that which might chaunce, anoyeth asmuche, as if it had chaunced indeede.

And if thou do roaste any fruite, or make a toaste at the fier, thou must not blowe of the ashes, (if there be any) for it is an old saying, that, winde was never without water. But y^u must lightly strike it uppon the plate, or after some suche sorte or other beate of y^e ashes. Thou shalt not offer thy handkerchiefe to any man to use it, albeit, it be very cleane washed: for he to whome thou doest offer it, can not (perhaps) awaye w^t it, and may be to curious to take it.

When a man talketh with one, it is no good maner to come so neere, that he must needes breathe in his face: for there be many that cannot abide to feele the ayer of another mans breathe, albeit there come no ill savour from him. These and like fashions, be very unsemely, and would be eschewed, because their senses, w^t whome we acquaint our selves, cannot brooke nor beare them.

Now, let us speake of those things which (without any hurt or anoyaunce to the senses) offende the minds of most men, before whome they be doone. You shall understand, that The appetites of men, (throughe a naturall instinct and inclination) be verie strange and divers: Some be cholerike & hasty, & may not be satisfied with out revenge: other doe give them selves cleane over, to pamper the belly: this man sets his delighte in lust and sensualitie: that man is carried away with his covetous desires: and many suche appetites more there are, to which mans minde is too subject: but you shall not in any company, easily judge or discerne betweene them, where and in what, they bee moste affected. For, these matters doe not consist in the maners, the fashions and speache of men: but rest in some other point. They seeke to purchase y^t which the benefit of mutuall conferrence may yeald them, & that doe (as I weene) good will, honour, comforte and pleasure, or some other thing like unto these: & therfore we must neither say or doe the thing, that may give any signe of litle loving or esteming them, we live withall.

So that, it is a rude fashion, (in my conceipte) y^t som men use, to lie lolling a sleepe in that place, where honest men be met together, of purpose to talke. For his so doing, shewes that he doth not esteeme the company, and little rekoneth of them or their talke. And more then that, he that sleepeth (and specially lying at litle ease, as he must) wonts (for the moste parte) to doe some fowle thing, to beholde, or heare: and many times they awake sweating and driveling at the mouth. And in like maner, to rise up where other men doe sit and talke, and to walke up and downe the chamber, it is no point of good maner. Also there be some that so buskell them selves, reache, streatch and yawne, writhing now one side, and then another, that a man would weene, they had some fever uppon them: A manifest signe, that the company they keepe, doth weary them.

Likewise doe they very ill, y^t now & then pull out a letter out of their pocket, to reade it: as if they had greate matters of charge, and affaires of the common weale committed unto them. But they are much more to bee blamed, that pull out their knives or their scisers, and doe nothing els but pare their nailes, as if they made no account at all of the company, and would seeke some other solace to passe the time awaye. Theis fashions to, must be left, y^t some men use, to sing betwene the teeth, or playe the dromme with their fingers, or shoofle their feete: For these demeanours shewe that a body is carelesse of any man ells.

Besides, let not a man so sit that he turne his taile to him that sitteth next to him: nor lie tottering with one legg so high above the other, that a man may see all bare that his cloathes would cover. For such parts be never playde, but amongst those to whome a man needs use no reverence. It is very true, that if a gentleman should use these fashions before his servants, or in the presence of some friende of meaner condition then him selfe: it would betoken no pride, but a love and familiaritie.

Let a man stand uppright of him selfe, and not leane or loll uppon another mans shoulder: and when he talketh, let him not pounche his fellow with his elbowe, (as many be wont to doe) at every worde they speake, saying: "Did I not say true Sirra. Master. N. It is Master. H." And still they be jotting with their elbowe.

I would have every man well appareled, meete for his age and calling: for otherwise, they seeme to have men in contempt that be better attired then themselves.

And therefore the Citizens of Padua, were woont to take it done of spighte unto them, when any gentleman of Venice walked up & downe their citie in his coate, as though he thought him selfe in the countrey. And a mans apparell, would not be made of fine cloathe alone: but he must frame it, all that he may, to the fashions that other men weare, and suffer him selfe to bee lead by common use: although (perchaunce) it be, and seeme to be lesse commodious, lesse gallant, and lesse faire in shewe, then his oulde.

And if all men els, doe weare their heads powled: it shalbe an ill sight for thee alone, to weare a longe bushe of haire. And where other men, make muche of their beardes and weare them longe: thou shalt not doe well to cut thine of, or shave it. For that weare to be overthwarte in everything: which thou must (in any case) beware of, except necessitie require it, as thou shalt heare hereafter. For this singularitie, beyond all other ill customes, makes us generally spited of all men. Thou must not then go against common custome in these things, but use them measureably: that thou maist not bee an odd man alone in a countrey: that shall weare a long Gowne downe to the foote, where other men weare them very shorte, litle beneath the waste. For as it hapens to him, that hath a very crabbed ilfavoured face, (I meane suche, as is more harde and sower then most mennes be, for nature doth mostly shape them well in moste men) that men will wonder and (with a kinde of admiration) gape most uppon him: So fares it with them that attire them selves, not as most men doe: but as they are egged by their owne fantasticall heads, with long heare spred downe to their shoulders, their beardes short and shaven, and weare quaiues or greate cappes after y^e Flaundres fashion: that all men doe gaze uppon them, as wondering at suche, whome they weene have taken uppon them, to conquer all countries wheresoever they come. Let your apparell then, be very well made, and fit for your body: for they that weare rich and coastly garments, but so illfavouredly shaped, that a man would weene the measure had bin taken by another: geve us to judge one of these twaine, that either they have no regarde or consideration how to please or displease: or els have no skill to judge of measure or grace, or what doth become them.

Such maner of people, with their rude behaviours and fashions, make men with whome they live, suspect, they doe esteeme them but light. And that causeth them worse welcome whersoever they com and ill beloved amongest men.

But there be some besides these, that deserve more then bare suspicion: their deeds and their doings be so intollerable, that a man cannot abide to live amongest them by any meanes. For they be ever a let, a hurt and a trouble to all the companie, they be never redie: ever a trimming: never well dressed to their mindes. But when men be readie to sit downe to the table, the meate at the boorde, and their handes washed: then they must write or make water, or have their exercise to doe: saying, "It is too early: we might have taried a while: what haste is this, this morning?" And thus they disquiet all the company, as men, caring for them selves alone & their owne matters, without consideration in the worlde of other men. Besides this, they will in all things be preferred above others: they must have the best bed, and best chamber: they must take uppon them the highest place at the table, and be first set and served of all men. And they be so deintie and nice, that nothing pleaseth them, but what they them selves devise: they make a sower face at any thing ells. And they be so proude minded, that they looke that men should waite uppon them when they dine, ride, sporte, or solace them selves.

There be other so furious, testie & waywarde, that nothing you doe can please them: and what soever is said they aunswer in choler, and never leave brauling w^t their servants, and rayling at them, and continually disturbe the company with their unquietnes: using such speeches: "Thou cauledst me well up this morning. Looke heere how cleane thou hast made these pynsons. Thou beaste, thou diddest waite well uppon me to Churche. It were a good deede to breake thy head." These be unsemely and very fowle fashions: suche as every honest man will hate to death. For, albeit a mans minde were full fraught with all humilitie, and would use these maners, not uppon pride or disdaine, but uppon a rechelesse care, not heeding his doings, or elles by meanes of ill custome: yet notwithstanding, because his outward doings, woulde make men thinke him proude: it cannot be chosen, but all men woulde hate him for it. For, Pride is none other thinge, then to despise and disdaine another. And as I have saide from the beginning: Eache man desireth to bee well thought of, Albeit there bee no valoure or goodnes in him.

It is not long, since there was in Rome a worthy gentleman, of singular good witt and profound learning, whose name was Ubaldino Bandinelli. This gentleman was woont to say, that as ofte as hee went or came from the Courte, although the stretes weare ever full of gallant Courtiers, of Prelates and Noble men, and likewise of poore men, and people of meane and base condition: yet he thought he never encountred any, that was either better or worse then himselfe. And without doubte hee could meete with fewe, that might bee compared in goodnes to him: respecting his vertues, that did excel beyond measure. But we must not alwayes in these things measure men by y^e Elne: We must rather waye them in the millers scoles, then in the goldsmythes balaunce. And it is a courtious parte, redily to receave them in to favour: not bycause they bee woorthe it: but as men doe with coines, bycause they be currant.

To go further, wee must doe nothing in their sight whome wee desire to please, that may shewe wee covet, rather to rule and to reigne, then to live in a familiar equalitie amongest them. For hautines of harte and ambitious disposition, as it kindleth an ill opinion: so it ministreth muche cause of contempte, which in conclusion will so woorke against thee, y^t thou shalt bee cleane cast out of honest company. But our dooings must rather beare a signe and shewe of reverence, meekenes, & respect to y^e company, in which wee fellowship ourselves. So that, what so ever is doone in meete and convenient time, may hapely deserve no blame: but yet in respect of the place and the persone, it may be reproved well: althoughe for it self, y^e matter deserve no rebuke. As to brawle and to raile at your servaunts (which we have talked of before) but muche more to beate them. Because these partes, are asmuche as to reigne and to rule: which no honest and civil gentleman will use, in presence of them he doth respect with any reverence or courtesie. Besides this, the company is muche offended with it, and their meetinges are broken, and especially, if it be done at the table, which is a place of solace and mirthe, and not of brawle and scolding. So that I must nedes commend Currado Gianfigliazzi for his civil behaviour in y^t he multiplied no words with Chichibio to trouble his guests: albeit he deserved to be sharply punished for it, when he would sooner displease his master then Brunetta. And yet if Currado had made lesse adoe about it then he did: it had ben more his praise. For then he should never have neded, to call uppon God, to witnes his threatnings so muche as he did.