Part 2
This gentleman controls a Line-- A stunner. With splendid bed and track as fine-- A hummer. We hate his line, but still we must Propound it. The Alton is a line to trust-- Confound it.
(TOGETHER.)
Yes! yes! In spite of that, confound it.
SYNTHIUS--
We wish its trade was light and slack-- It isn’t. Its service bad, with moldy track-- It isn’t. But give to Cæsar what is due, Yes, rend it. We really must, and strongly too, Commend it.
(TOGETHER.)
Yes! yes! yes! Darn their eyes, Commend it.
ALL--
The Alton is a road, as such None beat it. St. Louis is a point they touch, Repeat it. And if you doubt they’ll get you there You’ll rue it, For when they say they’ll get you there, They’ll do it.
(TOGETHER.)
Yes! yes! yes! Devil doubt They’ll do it.
PRINCESS--I still refuse!
PSYCHE--Madame! your father claims an audience; he has just followed King Hilderbrandt on the Denver Express.
PRINCESS--Admit him.
(_Enter_ GAMA.)
GAMA--Free as a tethered ass. I dare not keep this up. I dare not face the malignity of this devil, Hilderbrandt.
PRINCESS--He has treated you well, father. Even a wretched man, when he belongs to the Alton Line, is always a gentleman.
GAMA--Yes! yes! But he has made my life a curse. Think of it, I had nothing whatever to grumble at.
[SONG.]
The more I try I can’t deny, Altho’ I’m very spiteful, I’m bound to say The livelong day, The Alton is delightful.
Now, when a man Does all he can, A rival line despising, And in reply They fete him--why It’s hard, there’s no disguising.
Oh! don’t the day seem blank and long, When all goes right and nothing goes wrong, And isn’t your life extremely flat With nothing whatever to grumble at?
When in a car Above the par, Officials are quite pleasing. And when a line You hate is fine, It’s surely very teasing. They treat me well, Ah! what a sell, I thought they’d be ungracious. But not a bit-- They strained their wit To make my thoughts fallacious.
Oh! don’t the day seem blank and long, When all goes right and nothing goes wrong, etc., etc.
The Alton whirls The pretty girls From eyes that are repining. And takes the best Of travel West In cars with chairs reclining. A dining-car Without a jar, And coaches really tasteful. A splendid track Both there and back, Now isn’t that disgraceful?
Oh! don’t the day seem blank and long, etc., etc.
When off to bed They gently led Me to a couch bewitching, I prayed they might, At least, that night, The holy train be ditching. But fate was there, We sped like air, And nothing happened tragic, And then I wept, And then I slept, And dreamt the line was magic.
Oh! don’t the day, etc., etc.
When morning came, ’Twas just the same, There was my porter grinning; I called him Sam, And muttered Dam, He really looked so winning; I looked around, And there I found A car of pleasant faces; It seemed their bent To be content, In spite of my grimaces.
Oh! don’t the day, etc., etc.
PRINCESS--Poor father! how you must have suffered.
GAMA--Yes, my child, and the only thing to do is to surrender. We must capitulate. I have often heard that opposition to the Alton line is futile, and now I know it.
(_Enter_ HILARION.)
PRINCESS--Hilarion, I surrender. My heart was with you long ago, but my principles forbade it. Take me.
HILDERBRANDT--Then we will have an impromptu wedding. Everybody who wants to marry everybody else can do so. (_The remark is a signal for every girl in the party to throw her arms around the neck of the nearest conductor._)
GAMA--And take my advice, make your wedding trip over the Chicago and Alton Line.
ALL--We will.
GAMA--Hereafter, consider Castle Adamant yours. You may make it a coupon station, if you please, and advertise it as a pleasure resort.
(_The organ is heard; a procession formed, and the entire party indulge in an impromptu wedding, after which the Chicago and Alton train for Chicago is boarded, and everybody starts upon a trip, which cannot but bring them happiness._)
_Moral._
An official of the Alton Road is irresistible.
3 GREAT CITIES =OF THE WEST= LINKED TOGETHER --BY THE-- =CHICAGO & ALTON R. R.=
NO CHANGE OF CARS OF ANY CLASS BETWEEN CHICAGO AND KANSAS CITY. CHICAGO AND ST. LOUIS. ST. LOUIS AND KANSAS CITY.
Union Depots in Chicago, East St. Louis, St. Louis and Kansas City.
* * * * *
NO OTHER LINE RUNS
PALACE DINING CARS
Between CHICAGO and KANSAS CITY, CHICAGO and ST. LOUIS, and ST. LOUIS and KANSAS CITY.
Meals equal to those served in any first-class hotel, only 75 cents.
* * * * *
The only Line running a sufficient number of Elegant and Comfortable =PALACE RECLINING CHAIR CARS=
Free of Extra Charge, in all its Through Trains, Day and Night, Without Change, to accommodate all its patrons.
* * * * *
Pullman Palace Sleeping Cars and Pullman Palace Buffet Sleeping Cars
THE FINEST, BEST AND SAFEST IN USE ANYWHERE.
* * * * *
The BEST and QUICKEST ROUTE from CHICAGO to and from MEMPHIS, MOBILE, NEW ORLEANS, and all Points South via St. Louis.
* * * * *
THE SHORT LINE TO AND FROM
=Missouri=, =Arkansas=, =Texas=, =Kansas=, =Colorado=, =New Mexico=, =Mexico=, =Arizona=, =Nebraska=, =California=, =Oregon=, =Washington Territory=, =Etc.=
* * * * *
THE GREAT EXCURSION ROUTE BETWEEN THE NORTH AND SOUTH
AND TO AND FROM
Kansas Lands, and Colorado, New Mexico and California Health and Pleasure Resorts and the Mining Districts of the Great West.
* * * * *
For Tickets and information apply at any Coupon Ticket Office in the United States and Canada, or to
=JAMES CHARLTON=, General Passenger and Ticket Agent, 210 Dearborn Street, near corner Adams Street, Chicago.
_=J. C. McMULLIN=_, Vice-President, Chicago.
_=C. H. CHAPPELL=_, General Manager, Chicago.
CHICAGO & ALTON R.R.
_The Pioneer Palace Reclining Chair Car Route. The Pioneer Palace Dining Car Route. The Pioneer Pullman Palace Sleeping Car Route._
* * * * *
TWO TRAINS DAILY, SUNDAYS INCLUDED, Between Chicago and Kansas City and Between St. Louis and Kansas City.
* * * * *
LIGHTNING NIGHT EXPRESS DAILY, SUNDAYS INCLUDED.
NIGHT EXPRESS DAILY, SUNDAYS INCLUDED.
DAY EXPRESS DAILY, Sundays Excepted, between CHICAGO AND ST. LOUIS