Part 1
ANTHOLOGIES
BY CAROLYN WELLS
PUBLISHED BY CHARLES SCRIBNER’S SONS
A VERS DE SOCIÉTÉ ANTHOLOGY A WHIMSEY ANTHOLOGY A SATIRE ANTHOLOGY A PARODY ANTHOLOGY A NONSENSE ANTHOLOGY
Each 16mo, Cloth, $1.50 _net_
A Parody Anthology
BY CAROLYN WELLS AUTHOR OF “A NONSENSE ANTHOLOGY”
NEW YORK CHARLES SCRIBNER’S SONS 1919
_Copyright, 1904_ BY CHARLES SCRIBNER’S SONS
Published, September, 1904
TO MRS. THEODORE ROOSEVELT
NOTE
ACKNOWLEDGMENT is hereby gratefully made to the publishers of the various parodies for permission to include them in this compilation.
The parodies from “Diversions of the Echo Club,” by Bayard Taylor, and Mary and Her Lamb, from “New Waggings of Old Tales,” by Frank Dempster Sherman, are published by permission of Messrs. Houghton, Mifflin & Company.
By the courtesy of John Lane are included the parodies of Anthony C. Deane, from his volume “New Rhymes for Old;” and those of Owen Seaman, from volumes “In Cap and Bells” and “The Battle of the Bays.”
Bed During Exams is from “Cap and Gown,” published by Messrs. L. C. Page & Company.
The Golfer’s Rubaiyat, by H. C. Boynton, is from “A Book of American Humorous Verse,” published by Messrs. Herbert S. Stone & Company.
Staccato to O Le Lupe is from “Last Scenes from Vagabondia,” by Bliss Carman and Richard Hovey, published by Messrs. Small, Maynard & Company.
The two poems by Ben King are published by Forbes & Co.
The following are published by Charles Scribner’s Sons: Song, from “The Book of Joyous Children,” by James Whitcomb Riley; Home Sweet Home, and Imitation, from “Poems” of H. C. Bunner; and Song of a Heart, and Godiva, from “Overheard in a Garden,” by Oliver Herford.
CONTENTS
AFTER OMAR KHAYYAM PAGE The Golfer’s Rubaiyat _H. W. Boynton_ 3 An Omar for Ladies _Josephine Daskam Bacon_ 5 The Modern Rubaiyat _Kate Masterson_ 7 Lines Written by Request _Owen Seaman_ 10 The Baby’s Omar _Carolyn Wells_ 12
AFTER CHAUCER Ye Clerke of ye Wethere _Anonymous_ 14
AFTER SPENSER A Portrait _John Keats_ 15
AFTER SHAKESPEARE The Bachelor’s Soliloquy _Anonymous_ 17 Poker _Anonymous_ 18 Toothache _Anonymous_ 19 A Dreary Song _Shirley Brooks_ 20 To the Stall-holders at a Fancy Fair _W. S. Gilbert_ 21 Song _J. W. Riley_ 22 The Whist Player’s Soliloquy _Carolyn Wells_ 23
AFTER WITHER Answer to Master Wither’s Song _Ben Jonson_ 25
AFTER HERRICK Song _Oliver Herford_ 27 To Julia Under Lock and Key _Owen Seaman_ 27
AFTER NURSERY RHYMES An Idyll of Phatte and Leene _Anonymous_ 29 Nursery Song in Pidgin English _Anonymous_ 30 The House that Jack Built _Samuel Taylor Coleridge_ 31 Boston Nursery Rhymes _Rev. Joseph Cook_ 32 A Song of a Heart _Oliver Herford_ 33 The Domicile of John _A. Pope_ 34 Mary and the Lamb _Frank Dempster Sherman_ 37
AFTER WALLER The Aesthete to the Rose _Punch_ 40
AFTER DRYDEN Three Blessings _Anonymous_ 41 Oyster Crabs _Carolyn Wells_ 41
AFTER DR. WATTS The Voice of the Lobster _Lewis Carroll_ 42 The Crocodile _Lewis Carroll_ 43
AFTER GOLDSMITH When Lovely Woman _Phœbe Cary_ 44
AFTER BURNS Gaelic Speech _Anonymous_ 45 My Foe _Anonymous_ 46 Rigid Body Sings _J. C. Maxwell_ 48
AFTER CATHERINE FANSHAWE Cockney Enigma on the Letter H _Horace Mayhew_ 49
AFTER WORDSWORTH On Wordsworth _Anonymous_ 51 Jacob _Phœbe Cary_ 51 Fragment _Catherine M. Fanshawe_ 52 Jane Smith _Rudyard Kipling_ 54 Only Seven _Henry S. Leigh_ 55 Lucy Lake _Newton Mackintosh_ 57
AFTER SIR WALTER SCOTT Young Lochinvar _Anonymous_ 58
AFTER COLERIDGE The Ancient Mariner _Anonymous_ 61 Striking _Charles S. Calverley_ 64
AFTER SOUTHEY The Old Man’s Cold _Anonymous_ 66 Father William _Lewis Carroll_ 67 Lady Jane _A. T. Quiller-Couch_ 69
AFTER CAMPBELL The New Arrival _George W. Cable_ 72 John Thompson’s Daughter _Phœbe Cary_ 73
AFTER THOMAS MOORE The Last Cigar _Anonymous_ 76 ’Twas Ever Thus _Anonymous_ 77 There’s a Bower of Bean-Vines _Phœbe Cary_ 78 Disaster _Charles S. Calverley_ 79 Sarah’s Halls _Judy_ 80 ’Twas Ever Thus _Henry S. Leigh_ 81
AFTER JANE TAYLOR The Bat _Lewis Carroll_ 82
AFTER BARRY CORNWALL The Tea _Tom Hood, Jr._ 83
AFTER BYRON The Rout of Belgravia _Jon Duan_ 84 A Grievance _J. K. Stephen_ 85
AFTER CHARLES WOLFE The Burial of the Bachelor _Anonymous_ 88 Not a Sou had He Got _R. Harris Barham_ 89 The Marriage of Sir John Smith _Phœbe Cary_ 91
AFTER MRS. HEMANS The Thyroid Gland _R. M._ 93
AFTER KEATS Ode on a Jar of Pickles _Bayard Taylor_ 94
AFTER HEINE Imitation _H. C. Bunner_ 96 Commonplaces _Rudyard Kipling_ 97
AFTER HOOD The Dripping Sheet _Anonymous_ 98 I Remember, I Remember _Phœbe Cary_ 101
AFTER ALFRED BUNN A Yule Tide Parody _Anonymous_ 103 Self-Evident _J. R. Planché_ 104
AFTER LORD MACAULAY The Laureate’s Tourney _William Aytoun_ 105
AFTER EMERSON Mutton _Anonymous_ 113
AFTER MARY HOWITT The Lobster Quadrille _Lewis Carroll_ 114
AFTER MRS. BROWNING In the Gloaming _Charles S. Calverley_ 116 Gwendoline _Bayard Taylor_ 118
AFTER LONGFELLOW The Modern Hiawatha _Anonymous_ 120 Higher _Anonymous_ 120 Topside Galah _Anonymous_ 122 Excelsior _Anonymous_ 124 The Day is Done _Phœbe Cary_ 126 A Psalm of Life _Phœbe Cary_ 127 How Often _Ben King_ 129 Desolation _Thomas Masson_ 130 The Birds and the Pheasant _Punch_ 131
AFTER WHITTIER Hiram Hover _Bayard Taylor_ 133
AFTER MRS. NORTON The Horse and his Master _Philip F. Allen_ 136 The New Version _W. J. Lampton_ 138
AFTER POE What Troubled Poe’s Raven _John Bennett_ 139 The Amateur Flute _Anonymous_ 140 Samuel Brown _Phœbe Cary_ 142 The Promissory Note _Bayard Taylor_ 143 The Cannibal Flea _Tom Hood, Jr._ 145 Annabel Lee _Stanley Huntley_ 147 The Bells _Judy_ 148 The Goblin Goose _Punch_ 150
AFTER LORD HOUGHTON Love and Science _Anonymous_ 153
AFTER TENNYSON The Bather’s Dirge _Tennyson Minor_ 155 Little Miss Muffet _Anonymous_ 156 The Musical Pitch _Anonymous_ 158 To an Importunate Host _Anonymous_ 158 The Village Choir _Anonymous_ 159 The Biter Bit _William Aytoun_ 161 The Laureate _William Aytoun_ 163 The Lay of the Lovelorn _William Aytoun_ 165 In Immemoriam _Cuthbert Bede_ 174 Sir Eggnogg _Bayard Taylor_ 175 Godiva _Oliver Herford_ 177 A Laureate’s Log _Punch_ 178 The Recognition _Wm. Sawyer_ 180 The Higher Pantheism in a Nutshell _A. C. Swinburne_ 180 Timbuctoo _W. M. Thackeray_ 183
AFTER TUPPER Of Friendship _Charles S. Calverley_ 185 Of Reading _Charles S. Calverley_ 186
AFTER THACKERAY The Willow-Tree _W. M. Thackeray_ 188
AFTER CHARLES DICKENS Man’s Place in Nature _Anonymous_ 191
AFTER ROBERT BROWNING Home Truths from Abroad _Anonymous_ 193 After Browning _Anonymous_ 194 The Cock and the Bull _Charles S. Calverley_ 195 A Staccato to O Le Lupe _Bliss Carman_ 200 By the Sea _Bayard Taylor_ 203 Angelo Orders his Dinner _Bayard Taylor_ 205 The Flight of the Bucket _Rudyard Kipling_ 206 The Jam Pot _Rudyard Kipling_ 210 Imitation of Robert Browning _J. K. Stephen_ 210 The Last Ride Together _J. K. Stephen_ 212 Up the Spout _A. C. Swinburne_ 215
AFTER WALT WHITMAN An American, one of the Roughs, a Kosmos _Anonymous_ 219 Camerados _Bayard Taylor_ 220 Imitation of Whitman _Judy_ 221 Imitation of Whitman _J. K. Stephen_ 224 The Poet and the Woodlouse _A. C. Swinburne_ 224
AFTER CHARLES KINGSLEY Three Little Fishers _Frank H. Stauffer_ 229 The Three Poets _Lilian Whiting_ 230
AFTER MRS. R. H. STODDARD The Nettle _Bayard Taylor_ 231
AFTER BAYARD TAYLOR Hadramaut _Bayard Taylor_ 233
AFTER WILLIAM MORRIS Estunt the Griff _Rudyard Kipling_ 235
AFTER ALFRED AUSTIN An Ode _Anthony C. Deane_ 237
AFTER W. S. GILBERT Ode to a London Fog _Anonymous_ 239 President Garfield _Anonymous_ 240 Propinquity Needed _Charles Battell Loomis_ 241
AFTER R. H. STODDARD The Cantelope _Bayard Taylor_ 243
AFTER A. A. PROCTOR The Lost Voice _A. H. S._ 244 The Lost Ape _J. W. G. W._ 245 The Lost Word _C. H. Webb_ 246
AFTER GEORGE MEREDITH At the Sign of the Cock _Owen Seaman_ 248
AFTER D. G. ROSSETTI A Christmas Wail _Anonymous_ 252 Ballad _Charles S. Calverley_ 253 Cimabuella _Bayard Taylor_ 255 The Poster Girl _Carolyn Wells_ 257
AFTER JEAN INGELOW Lovers, and a Reflection _Charles S. Calverley_ 259 The Shrimp Gatherers _Bayard Taylor_ 261
AFTER CHRISTINA ROSSETTI Remember _Judy_ 263
AFTER LEWIS CARROLL Waggawocky _Shirley Brooks_ 264 The Vulture and the Husband-Man _A. C. Hilton_ 265
AFTER A. C. SWINBURNE Gillian _Anonymous_ 268 Atalanta in Camden-town _Lewis Carroll_ 270 The Manlet _Lewis Carroll_ 272 If _Mortimer Collins_ 274 The Maid of the Meerschaum _Rudyard Kipling_ 275 Quaeritur _Rudyard Kipling_ 277 A Melton Mowbray Pork-pie _Richard Le Gallienne_ 278 Foam and Fangs _Walter Parke_ 278 A Song of Renunciation _Owen Seaman_ 279 Nephelidia _A. C. Swinburne_ 282 The Lay of Macaroni _Bayard Taylor_ 284
AFTER BRET HARTE The Heathen Pass-ee _A. C. Hilton_ 286 De Tea Fabula _A. T. Quiller-Couch_ 289
AFTER AUSTIN DOBSON The Prodigals _Anonymous_ 292
AFTER ANDREW LANG Bo-Peep _Anthony C. Deane_ 294
AFTER W. E. HENLEY Imitation _Anthony C. Deane_ 296
AFTER R. L. STEVENSON Bed During Exams _Clara Warren Vail_ 298
AFTER OSCAR WILDE More Impressions _Oscuro Wildgoose_ 299 Nursery Rhymes à la Mode _Anonymous_ 299 A Maudle-In Ballad _Punch_ 300 Quite the Cheese _H. C. Waring_ 302
AFTER WILLIAM WATSON The Three Mice _Anthony C. Deane_ 304
AFTER KIPLING Fuzzy Wuzzy Leaves Us _E. P. C._ 305 A Ballad _Guy Wetmore Carryl_ 307 Jack and Jill _Anthony C. Deane_ 309 The Legend of Realism _Hilda Johnson_ 313
AFTER STEPHEN PHILLIPS Little Jack Horner _Anthony C. Deane_ 315
AFTER FIONA MCLEOD The Cult of the Celtic _Anthony C. Deane_ 317
AFTER VARIOUS WRITERS OF VERS DE SOCIÉTÉ Behold the Deeds _H. C. Bunner_ 319 Culture in the Slums _W. E. Henley_ 322 A Ballade of Ballade-Mongers _Augustus Moore_ 322
AFTER VARIOUS POPULAR SONGS Beautiful Snow _Anonymous_ 324 The Newest Thing in Christmas Carols _Anonymous_ 325 The Tale of Lord Lovell _Anonymous_ 326 “Songs Without Words” _Robert J. Burdette_ 327 The Elderly Gentleman _George Canning_ 328 Turtle Soup _Lewis Carroll_ 329 Some Day _F. P. Doveton_ 329 If I Should Die To-night _Ben King_ 331 A Love Song _Dean Swift_ 331 Old Fashioned Fun _W. M. Thackeray_ 333
THEMES WITH VARIATIONS Home Sweet Home with Variations _H. C. Bunner_ 334
MODERN VERSIFICATION ON ANCIENT THEMES Goose à la Mode _E. Cavazza_ 346 Three Children Sliding 346 Jack and Jill _E. Cavazza_ 347 Jack and Jill _Charles Battell Loomis_ 348 The Rejected “National Hymns” _Robert Henry Newell_ 352 A Theme with Variations _Barry Pain_ 356 The Poets at Tea _Barry Pain_ 359 The Poets at a House Party _Carolyn Wells_ 363 An Old Song by New Singers _A. C. Wilkie_ 368
INDEX OF TITLES 375
INDEX OF AUTHORS 385
INDEX OF AUTHORS PARODIED 395
INTRODUCTION
PARODY AS A FINE ART
THE fact that parody has been ably defended by many of the world’s best minds proves that it is an offensive measure, at least from some viewpoints. But an analysis of the arguments for and against seems to show that parody is a true and legitimate branch of art, whose appreciation depends upon the mental bias of the individual.
To enjoy parody, one must have an intense sense of the humorous and a humorous sense of the intense; and this, of course, presupposes a mental attitude of wide tolerance and liberal judgments.
Parodies are not for those who cannot understand that parody is not necessarily ridicule. Like most other forms of literature, unless the intent of the writer be thoroughly understood and appreciated, the work is of little value to the reader.
The defenders of parody have sometimes endeavored to prove that it has an instructive value, and that it has acted as a reforming influence against mannerisms and other glaring defects. One enthusiastic partisan confidently remarks: “It may gently admonish the best and most established writer, when, from haste, from carelessness, from over-confidence, he is in danger of forfeiting his reputation; it may gently lead the tyro, while there is yet time, from the wrong into the right path.” But this ethical air-castle is rudely shattered by facts, for what established writer ever changed his characteristic effects as a result of the parodies upon his works, or what tyro was ever parodied?
It has been said, too, that a good parody makes us love the original work better; but this statement seems to lack satisfactory proof except, perhaps, on the principle that a good parody may lead us to know the original work more thoroughly.
Perhaps the farthest fetched argument of the zealous advocates of the moral virtues of parody is found in Lord Jeffrey’s review of the well-known “Rejected Addresses,” where he says, “The imitation lets us more completely into the secret of the original author, and enables us to understand far more clearly in what the peculiarity of his manner consists than most of us would ever have done without this assistance.” If this be true at all, it is exemplified in very few instances, and is one of the least of the minor reasons for the existence of a parody.
The main intent of the vast majority of parodies is simply to amuse; but to amuse intelligently and cleverly. This aim is quite high enough, and is in no way strengthened or improved by the bolstering up qualities of avowed virtuous influences.
The requirements of the best parody are in a general way simply the requirements of the best literature of any sort; but, specifically, the true parodist requires an exact mental balance, a fine sense of proportion and relative values, good-humor, refinement, and unerring taste. Self-control and self-restraint are also needed; a parodist may go to the very edge, but he must not fall over.
The fact that poor parodies outnumber the good ones in the ratio of about ten to one (which is not an unusual percentage in any branch of literature), is because a wide and generous sense of humor is so rarely found in combination with the somewhat circumscribed quality of good taste. It is, therefore, on account of the abuse of parody, and not the use of it, that a defence of the art has been found necessary.
The parody has the sanction of antiquity, and though its absolute origin is uncertain, and various “Fathers of Parody” have been named, it is safe to assume that it began with the Greeks. The Romans, too, indulged in it, and its continuance has been traced all through the Middle Ages; but these ancient parodies, however acceptable in their time, are of little interest to us now, save as heirlooms. Their wit is coarse, their humor heavy; they are usually caustic and often irreverent.
In the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries the art of parody began to improve, and during the nineteenth it rose to a height that demanded recognition from the literary world.
It is interesting to note that the age of English parody was ushered in by such masterpieces as the “Rolliad” and the “Anti-Jacobin,” followed by the “Rejected Addresses” and the “Bon Gaultier Ballads.” Later came Thackeray, Calverley, Swinburne and Lewis Carroll, also Bayard Taylor, Bret Harte, and Phœbe Cary. More modern still is the work of Rudyard Kipling, Anthony C. Deane, H. C. Bunner, and Owen Seaman.
Though some of these are classed among the minor poets, they are all major parodists and approach their work armed at all points.
The casual critic of parodies, as a rule, divides them into two classes, which, though under various forms of terminology, resolve themselves into parodies of sound and parodies of sense. But there are really three great divisions, which may be called “word-rendering,” “form-rendering,” and “sense-rendering.”
The first, mere word-rendering, is simply an imitation of the original, and depends for its interest entirely upon the substitution of a trivial or commonplace motive for a lofty one, and following as nearly as possible the original words.
Form-rendering is the imitation of the style of an author, preferably an author given to mannerisms or affectation of some sort. The third division, sense-rendering, is by far the most meritorious, and utilizes not only the original writer’s diction and style, but follows a train of thought precisely along the lines that he would have pursued from the given premises.
This class of parody is seen at its best in Catherine Fanshawe’s “Imitation of Wordsworth,” and Calverley’s “The Cock and the Bull.”