Chapter 12

Blind Thamyris, and blind M. æonides, Pursue the triumph and partake the gale! Drop tears as fast as the Arabian trees, To point a moral or adorn a tale.

Full many a gem of purest ray serene, Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears, Like angels' visits, few and far between, Deck the long vista of departed years.

Man never is, but always to be bless'd; The tenth transmitter of a foolish face, Like Aaron's serpent, swallows up the rest, And makes a sunshine in the shady place.

For man the hermit sigh'd, till woman smiled, To waft a feather or to drown a fly, (In wit a man, simplicity a child,) With silent finger pointing to the sky.

But fools rush in where angels fear to tread, Far out amid the melancholy main; As when a vulture on Imaus bred, Dies of a rose in aromatic pain.

_Laman Blanchard_.

IMERICKS

There was an old person of Ware Who rode on the back of a bear; When they said, "Does it trot?" He said: "Certainly not, It's a Moppsikon Floppsikon bear."

There was an old person of Wick, Who said, "Tick-a-Tick, Tick-a-Tick, Chickabee, Chickabaw," And he said nothing more, This laconic old person of Wick.

There was an old person of Woking, Whose mind was perverse and provoking; He sate on a rail, With his head in a pail, That illusive old person of Woking.

There was once a man with a beard Who said, "It is just as I feared!-- Two Owls and a Hen, Four Larks and a Wren Have all built their nests in my beard."

There was an old man of Thermopylae, Who never did anything properly; But they said: "If you choose To boil eggs in your shoes, You cannot remain in Thermopylae."

There was an Old Man who said, "Hush! I perceive a young bird in this bush!" When they said, "Is it small?" He replied, "Not at all; It is four times as big as the bush!"

There was an Old Man who supposed That the street door was partially closed; But some very large Rats Ate his coats and his hats, While that futile Old Gentleman dozed.

There was an Old Man of Leghorn, The smallest that ever was born; But quickly snapt up he Was once by a Puppy, Who devoured that Old Man of Leghorn.

There was an Old Man of Kamschatka Who possessed a remarkably fat Cur; His gait and his waddle Were held as a model To all the fat dogs in Kamschatka.

_Edward Lear_.

[_From books printed for the benefit of the New York Fair in aid of the Sanitary Commission_, 1864]

There was a gay damsel of Lynn, Whose waist was so charmingly thin, The dressmaker needed A microscope--she did-- To fit this slim person of Lynn.

There was a young lady of Milton, Who was highly disgusted with Stilton; When offered a bite, She said, "Not a mite!" That suggestive young lady of Milton.

There was a dear lady of Eden, Who on apples was quite fond of feedin'; She gave one to Adam, Who said, "Thank you, Madam," And then both skedaddled from Eden.

There was a young lady of Wales, Who wore her back hair in two tails; And a hat on her head That was striped black and red, And studded with ten-penny nails.

There was an old man who said, "Do Tell me how I'm to add two and two? I'm not very sure That it doesn't make four-- But I fear that is almost too few."

There once was a man who said, "How Shall I manage to carry my cow? For if I should ask it To get in my basket, 'Twould make such a terrible row."

_Anonymous_.

There once was an old man of Lyme Who married three wives at a time; When asked, "Why a third?" He replied, "One's absurd! And bigamy, sir, is a crime."

There once was a person of Benin, Who wore clothes not fit to be seen in; When told that he shouldn't, He replied, "Gumscrumrudent!" A word of inscrutable meanin'.

There once was a girl of New York Whose body was lighter than cork; She had to be fed For six weeks upon lead, Before she went out for a walk.

_Cosmo Monkhouse_.

There was a young man who was bitten By twenty-two cats and a kitten; Sighed he, "It is clear My finish is near; No matter; I'll die like a Briton!"

There was a princess of Bengal, Whose mouth was exceedingly small; Said she, "It would be More easy for me To do without eating at all!"

There was an old stupid who wrote The verses above that we quote; His want of all sense Was something immense, Which made him a person of note.

_Walter Parke_.

VERS NONSENSIQUES

À Potsdam, les totaux absteneurs, Comme tant d'autres titotalleurs, Sont gloutons, omnivores, Nasorubicolores, Grands manchons, et terribles duffeurs.

Un vieux due (le meilleur des époux) Demandait (en lui tâtant le pouls) À sa vielle duchesse (Qu'un vieux catarrhe oppresse):-- "Et ton thé, t'a-t-il ôté ta toux?"

II naquit près de Choisy-le-Roi; Le Latin lui causait de l'effroi; Et les Mathématiques Lui donnaient des coliques, Et le Grec l'enrhûmait. Ce fut moi.

Il etait un gendarme, à Nanteuil, Qui n'avait qu'une dent et qu'un oeil; Mais cet oeil solitaire Etait plein de mystère; Cette dent, d'importance et d'orgueil.

"Cassez-vous, cassez-vous, cassez-vous, O mer, sur vos froids gris calloux!" Ainsi traduisit Laure Au profit d'Isadore (Bon jeune homme, at son futur epoux.)

Un marin naufrage (de Doncastre) Pour prière, an milieu du désastre Répétait à genoux Ces mots simples et doux:-- "Scintillez, scintillez, petit astre!"

_George du Maurier_.

* * * * *

There was a young man of Cohoes, Wore tar on the end of his nose; When asked why he done it, He said for the fun it Afforded the men of Cohoes.

_Robert J. Burdette_.

* * * * *

I'd rather have habits than clothes, For that's where my intellect shows. And as for my hair, Do you think I should care To comb it at night with my toes?

I'd rather have ears than a nose, I'd rather have fingers than toes, But as for my hair: I'm glad it's all there; I'll be awfully sad when it goes.

I wish that my Room had a Floor; I don't so much care for a Door, But this walking around Without touching the ground Is getting to be quite a bore!

_Gelett Burgess_.

H was an indigent Hen, Who picked up a corn now and then; She had but one leg On which she could peg, And behind her left ear was a wen.

_Bruce Porter_.

Cleopatra, who thought they maligned her, Resolved to reform and be kinder; "If, when pettish," she said, "I should knock off your head, Won't you give me some gentle reminder?"

_Newton Mackintosh_.

When that Seint George hadde sleyne ye draggon, He sate him down furninst a flaggon; And, wit ye well, Within a spell He had a bien plaisaunt jag on.

_Anonymous_.

There was a young lady of Niger Who smiled as she rode on a Tiger; They came back from the ride With the lady inside, And the smile on the face of the Tiger.

_Anonymous_.

There was a young maid who said, "Why Can't I look in my ear with my eye? If I give my mind to it, I'm sure I can do it, You never can tell till you try."

_Anonymous_.

INDEX OF TITLES

ABSTEMIA _Gelett Burgess_ Abstrosophy _Gelett Burgess_ Aestivation _O. W. Holmes_ Ahkond of Swat, The _Edward Lear_ Alone As with my Hat upon my Head _Dr. Johnson_ Auld Wife, The _C. S. Calverley_ Aunt Eliza _Col. D. Streamer_ Autumn Leaves, The

BABY AND MARY Ballade of the Nurserie _John Twig_ Ballad of Bedlam Ballad of High Endeavor, A Ballad with an Ancient Refrain Bison, The _Hilaire Relloc_ Bloated Biggaboon, The _H. Cholmondeley-Pennell_ Blue Moonshine _Francis G. Stokes_ Boy, The _Eugene Field_ Bulbul, The _Owen Seaman_ Buz, quoth the Blue Fly _Ben Jonson_

CENTIPEDE, A Chimpanzee, The _Oliver Herford_ Chronicle, A Classic Ode, A _Charles Battell Loomis_ Cobbe's Prophecies Cock and the Bull, The _C. S. Calverley_ Collusion between a Alegaiter and a Water-Snaik _J. W. Morris_ Companions _C. S. Calverley_ Cossimbazar _Henry S. Leigh_ Cow, The _Oliver Herford_ Cruise of the "P. C.", The Cumberbunce, The _Paul West_

DARWINITY _Herman Merivale_ Dinkey-Bird, The _Eugene Field_ Dirge of the Moolla of Kotal _George T. Lanigan_

ELDERLY GENTLEMAN, THE _George Canning_ Elegy on the Death of a Mad Dog _Oliver Goldsmith_ Elegy on Madam Blaize _Oliver Goldsmith_

FAITHLESS NELLY GRAY _Thomas Hood_ Famous Ballad of the Jubilee Cup, The _A. T. Stiller-Couch_ Father William Ferdinando and Elvira _W. S. Gilbert_ Fin de Siecle _Newton Mackintosh_ Flamingo, The _Lewis Gaylord Clark_ Forcing a Way Frangipanni Frog, The _Hilaire Belloc_

GENERAL JOHN _W. S. Gilbert_ Gentle Alice Brown _W. S. Gilbert_ Great Man, A _Oliver Goldsmith_ Guinea Pig, The

HEN, THE _Oliver Herford_ Her Dairy _Peter Newell_ Here is the Tale _Anthony C. Deane_ Her Polka Dots _Peter Newell_ Higher Pantheism in a Nutshell, The _A. C. Swinburne_ Hippopotamus, The _Oliver Herford_ Holiday Task, A _Gilbert Abbott a Becket_ Hunting of the Snark, The _Lewis Carroll_ Hyder iddle diddle dell Hymn to the Sunrise

IF If Half the Road If a Man who Turnips Cries _Dr. Johnson_ I Love to Stand Imitation of Wordsworth _Catharine M. Fanshawe_ Impetuous Samuel _Col. D. Streamer_ Incidents in the Life of my Uncle Arly _Edward Lear_ Indifference In Immemorian _Cuthbert Bede_ In the Dumps In the Gloaming _James C. Bayles_ In the Night Invisible Bridge, The _Gelett Burgess_

JABBERWOCKY _Lewis Carroll_ John Jones _A. C. Swinburne_ Jumblies, The _Edward Lear_

KEN YE AUGHT O' CAPTAIN GROSE _Robert Burns_ Kindness to Animals _J. Ashby-Sterry_ King Arthur

LAYE OF YE WOODPECKORE, YE _Henry A. Beers_ Lazy Roof, The _Gelett Burgess_ Like to the Thundering Tone _Bishop Corbet_ LIMERICKS: Cleopatra, who thought they maligned her _Newton Mackintosh_ H was an indigent H _Bruce Porter_ I'd rather have habits than clothes _Gelett Burgess_ I wish that my room had a door _Gelett Burgess_ There once was a girl of New York _Cosmo Monkhouse_ There once was a man who said "How" There once was an old man of Lyme _Cosmo Monkhouse_ There once was a person of Benin _Cosmo Monkhouse_ There was a dear lady of Eden There was a gay damsel of Lynn There was an old man in a tree _Edward Lear_ There was an Old Man of Kamschatka _Edward Lear_ There was an Old Man of Leghorn _Edward Lear_ There was an old man of St. Bees _W. S. Gilbert_ There was an old man of Thermopylae _Edward Lear_ There was an old man who said "Do" There was an Old Man who said "Hush" _Edward Lear_ There was an Old Man who supposed _Edward Lear_ There was an old person of Ware _Edward Lear_ There was an old person of Wick _Edward Lear_ There was an old person of Woking _Edward Lear_ There was an old stupid who wrote _Walter Parke_ There was once a man with a beard _Edward Lear_ There was a princess of Bengal _Walter Parke_ There was a small boy of Quebec _Rudyard Kipling_ There was a young lady of Milton There was a young lady of Niger There was a young lady of Wales There was a young maid who said "Why" There was a young man at St. Kitts There was a young man of Cohoes _Robert J. Burdette_ There was a young man who was bitten _Walter Parke_ Vers Nonsensiques _George du Maurier_ When that Seint George hadde sleyne ye dragon Lines by a Fond Lover Lines by a Medium Lines by a Person of Quality _Alexander Pope_ Lines to Miss Florence Huntingdon Lines to a Young Lady _Edward Lear_ Little Billee _W.M. Thackeray_ Little Peach, The Little Willie Lobster wooed a Lady Crab, A Lovers and a Reflection _C.S. Calverley_ Love Song by a Lunatic Lugubrious Whing-Whang, The _James W. Riley_ Lunar Stanzas _H.C. Knight_

MALUM OPUS _J. Appleton Morgan_ Man in the Moon, The _James W. Riley_ Martin Luther at Potsdam _Barry Pain_ Martin to his Man Mary Ames Mary Jane Master and Man Mayor of Scuttleton, The _Mary Mapes Dodge_ Melancholia Metaphysics _Oliver Herford_ Minnie and Winnie _Lord Tennyson_ Misfortunes _Col. D. Streamer_ Mr. Finney's Turnip Modern Hiawatha, The Monkey's Glue, The _Goldwin Goldsmith_ Monkey's Wedding The Monsieur McGinté Moon is up, The Moorlands of the Not Mors Iabrochii Muddled Metaphors _Tom Hood, Jr_. My Dream My Feet _Gelett Burgess_ My Home My Recollectest Thoughts _Charles E. Carryl_

Nephelidia _A. C. Swinburne_ Noble Tuckman, The _Jean Ingelow_ Nonsense Nonsense _Thomas Moore_ Nonsense Verses _Charles Lamb_ Not I _R.L. Stevenson_ Nyum-Nyum, The

Ocean Wanderer, The Odd to a Krokis Ode to the Human Heart _Laman Blanchard_ Of Baiting the Lion _Owen Seaman_ Oh, my Geraldine _F.C. Burnand_ Oh, Weary Mother _Barry Pain_ On the Oxford Carrier _John Milton_ On the Road _Tudor Jenks_ Owl and the Pussy-Cat, The _Edward Lear_

PANTHER, THE Parson Gray _Oliver Goldsmith_ Parterre, The _E. H. Palmer_ Personified Sentimental, The _Bret Harte_ Pessimist, The _Ben King_ Platypus, The _Oliver Herford_ Pobble who has no Toes, The _Edward Lear_ Poor Brother Poor Dear Grandpapa _D'Arcy W. Thompson_ Psycholophon _Gelett Burgess_ Puer ex Jersey Purple Cow, The _Gelett Burgess_ Python, The _Hilaire Belloc_

QUATRAIN

RIDDLE, A Rollicking Mastodon, The _Arthur Macy_ Russian and Turk

SAGE COUNSEL _A. T. Quiller-Couch_ Sailor's Yarn, A _James Jeffrey Roche_ Sea, The Sea-Serpent, The _Planché_ She's All my Fancy Painted Him _Lewis Carroll_ She Went into the Garden _S. Foote_ Shipwreck, The _E. H. Palmer_ Silver Question, The _Oliver Herford_ Sing for the Garish Eye _W. S. Gilbert _ Singular Sangfroid of Baby Bunting, The _Guy W. Carryl_ Some Geese _Oliver Herford_ Some Verses to Snaix Song of Impossibilities _William M. Praed_ Song of the Screw, The Song on King William III Sonnet Found in a Deserted Madhouse Sorrows of Werther, The _W. M. Thackeray_ Spirk Troll-Derisive _James W. Riley_ Story of Cruel Psamtek, The Story of Prince Agib, The _W. S. Gilbert_ Story of Pyramid Thothmes Story of the Wild Huntsman _Heinrich Hoffman_ Sun, The _J. Davis_ Sunbeam, The Superior Nonsense Verses Susan Swiss Air _Bret Harte_ Sylvie and Bruno _Lewis Carroll_

Tender-Heartedness _Col. D. Streamer_ Tender Infant, The _Dr. Johnson_ There was a Frog There was a Little Girl _H. W. Longfellow_ There was a Monkey Three Acres of Land Three Children Three Jovial Huntsmen Threnody _George T. Lanigan_ Thy Heart Timid Hortense _Peter Newell_ Timon of Archimedes _Charles Battell Loomis_ 'Tis Midnight and the Setting Sun 'Tis Sweet to Roam To Marie To Mollidusta _Planché_ Transcendentalism Trust in Women Turvey Top Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dee

Uffia _Harriet R. White_ Uncle Simon and Uncle Jim _Artemui Ward_ Unsuspected Fact, An _Edward Cannon_ Uprising See the Fitful Lark

Villon's Straight Tip _W. E. Henley_

Walloping Window-Blind, The _Charles E. Carryl_ Walrus and the Carpenter, The _Lewis Carroll_ Ways and Means _Lewis Carroll_ Whango Tree, The What the Prince of I Dreamt _H. Cholmondeley-Pennell_ When Moonlike ore the Hazure Seas _W.M. Thackeray_ Where Avalanches Wail Wild Flowers _Peter Newell_ Wonderful Old Man, The Wreck of the "Julie Plante" _W.H. Drummond_

Yak, The _Hilaire Belloc_ Yonghy-Bonghy-BO, The _Edward Lear_

INDEX OF AUTHORS

À BECKET, GILBERT ABBOTT A Holiday Task ASHBY-STERRY, J. Kindness to Animals

BAYLES, JAMES C. In the Gloaming BEDE, CUTHBERT In Immemoriam BEERS, HENRY A. Ye Laye of ye Woodpeckore BELLOC, HILAIRE The Bison The Frog The Python The Yak BLANCHARD, LAMAN Ode to the Human Heart BURDETTE, ROBERT J. Limerick BURGESS, GELETT Abstemia Abstrosophy The Invisible Bridge The Lazy Roof Limericks My Feet Psycholophon The Purple Cow BURNAND, F. C. Oh, my Geraldine BURNS, ROBERT Ken ye Aught o' Captain Grose?

CALVERLEY, CHARLES S. The Auld Wife The Cock and the Bull Companions Lovers and a Reflection CANNING, GEORGE The Elderly Gentleman CANNON, EDWARD An Unsuspected Fact CARROLL, LEWIS The Hunting of the Snark Jabberwocky She's All my Fancy Painted Him Sylvie and Bruno The Walrus and the Carpenter Ways and Means CARRYL, CHARLES E. My Recollectest Thoughts The Walloping Window-Blind CARRYL, GUY WETMORE The Singular Sangfroid of Baby Bunting CHOLMONDELEY-PENNELL, H. The Bloated Biggaboon What the Prince of I Dreamt CLARK, LEWIS GAYLORD The Flamingo CORBET, BISHOP Like to the Thundering Tone

DAVIS, J. The Sun DEANE, ANTHONY C. Here is the Tale DODGE, MARY MAPES The Mayor of Scuttleton DRUMMOND, W.H. Wreck of the "Julie Plante," The DU MAURIER, GEORGE Vers Nonsensiques

FANSHAWE, CATHARINE M. Imitation of Wordsworth FIELD, EUGENE The Boy The Dinkey Bird FOOTE, S. Farrago of Nonsense

GILBERT, W.S. Ferdinando and Elvira General John Gentle Alice Brown Sing for the Garish Eye The Story of Prince Agib There was an Old Man of St. Bees GOLDSMITH, GOLDWIN The Monkey's Glue GOLDSMITH, OLIVER Elegy on the Death of a Mad Dog Elegy on Madam Blaize A Great Man Parson Gray

HARTE, BRET The Personified Sentimental Swiss Air HENLEY, W.E. Villon's Straight Tip HERFORD, OLIVER. The Chimpanzee The Cow The Hen The Hippopotamus Metaphysics The Platypus The Silver Question Some Geese HOFFMAN, HEINRICH The Story of the Wild Huntsman HOLMES, OLIVER WENDELL Æstivation HOOD, THOMAS Faithless Nelly Gray HOOD, THOMAS, JR. Muddled Metaphors

INGELOW, JEAN The Noble Tuckman

JENKS, TUDOR On the Road JOHNSON, SAMUEL As with my Hat If a Man who Turnips Cries The Tender Infant JONSON, BEN Buz, quoth the Blue Fly

KING, BEN The Pessimist KIPLING, RUDYARD Limerick KNIGHT, HENRY C. Lunar Stanzas

LAMB, CHARLES Nonsense Verses LANIGAN, GEORGE T. Dirge of the Moolla of Kotal A Threnody LEAR, EDWARD The Ahkond of Swat Incidents in the Life of my Uncle Arly The Jumblies Limericks Lines to a Young Lady The Owl and the Pussy-Cat The Pobble There was an Old Man in a Tree The Yonghy-Bonghy-BO LEIGH, HENRY S. Cossimbazar LONGFELLOW, H.W. There was a Little Girl LOOMIS, CHARLES BATTELL A Classic Ode Timon of Archimedes

MACKINTOSH, NEWTON Fin de Siècle Limerick MACY, ARTHUR The Rollicking Mastodon MERIVALE, HERMAN Darwinity MILTON, JOHN On the Oxford Carrier MONKHOUSE, COSMO Limericks MOORE, THOMAS Nonsense MORGAN, JAMES APPLETON Malum Opus MORRIS, J. W. Collusion between a Alegaiter and a Water-Snaik

NEWELL, PETER Her Dairy Her Polka Dots Timid Hortense Wild Flowers

PAIN, BARRY Martin Luther at Potsdam Oh, Weary Mother PALMER, E. H. The Parterre The Shipwreck PARKE, WALTER Limericks PLANCHÉ The Sea-Serpent To Mollidusta POPE, ALEXANDER Lines by a Person of Quality PORTER, BRUCE Limerick PRAED, W. M. Song of Impossibilities

QUILLER-COUCH, A. T. The Famous Ballad of the Jubilee Cup Sage Counsel

RILEY, JAMES W. The Lugubrious Whing-Whang The Man in the Moon Spirk Troll-Derisive ROCHE, JAMES JEFFREY A Sailor's Yarn

SEAMAN, OWEN The Bulbul Of Baiting the Lion STEVENSON, R. L. Not I STOKES, FRANCIS G. Blue Moonshine STREAMER, COL. D. Aunt Eliza Impetuous Samuel STREAMER, COL. D.--_Continued_ Misfortunes Tender-Heartedness SWINBURNE, A. C. The Higher Pantheism John Jones Nephelidia

TENNYSON, LORD Minnie and Winnie THACKERAY, W.M. Little Billee The Sorrows of Werther When Moonlike ore the Hazure Seas THOMPSON, D'ARCY W. Poor Dear Grandpapa TWIG, JOHN Ballade of the Nurserie

WARD, ARTEMUS Uncle Simon and Uncle Jim WEST, PAUL The Cumberbunce WHITE, HARRIET R. Uffia

End of Project Gutenberg's A Nonsense Anthology, by Collected by Carolyn Wells