Chapter 13

April 7. This evening I received information from my little half brother that my dear father died on March 30th. He was taken worse a few days after I left him. How kind of the Lord to have allowed me once more to see him! Had I gone to Germany at the time I first intended, he would most likely not have been alive to see me.--As I know not of one believer in the whole town where he lived, I cannot for a certainty ascertain any thing about his state before his death; but that which I do know gives me no proof of his having died in the faith of Christ. As to myself, I am sure of this, that it becomes me to adore that wonderful grace which plucked me as a brand out of the burning, and to say in reference to my dear departed father: "Shall not the judge of all the earth do right?" and in submission to the will of God to be satisfied with His dealings. This, through grace, I am able to do. Every true believer who has unconverted parents, for whose spiritual welfare he is concerned, can understand what joy it would have been to me to have heard a satisfactory account of a true change of heart in my dear father before his end; but as it has been otherwise, I know nevertheless that God will be eternally glorified even in this dispensation. During no period did I pray more frequently or more earnestly for the conversion of my dear aged parent, than during the last year of his life; but, at all events, it did not please the Lord to let me see the answer to my prayers.

April 9. Through the 20l. which came in on March 26, and a number of smaller and larger donations since then, we have had for the last twelve days more than usual. But now today our means were again reduced to 7s. 10d., when the Lord sent in 5l. through a brother in Bristol, who during this year also, as at former times, has been the instrument in the hands of God of repeatedly supplying our need when we were very poor.

We are on the point of sending some money to the East Indies for Missionary objects. Whilst I was on my knees respecting this object, 5l. was brought for it.

April 10. Today came in still further for the Orphans, with Eccles. ix. 10, 5l.; also 2l.

April 19. For several months past it had appeared to brother Craik and me, and to several other brethren who help us in the work of caring for the saints, that a part of the church meeting together at Gideon Chapel was a hinderance to our giving that clear and distinct testimony respecting the principles on which we meet, which we desire to give to the world and to the church at large in this city. As the Lord, however, had so abundantly blessed our labours in that place, in the conversion of sinners, and also in the building up of many saints, we felt that we ought to act in this matter with the greatest prayerfulness and consideration; and we had therefore many meetings for prayer and deliberation with several brethren. On this account it was likewise, that though we came as early as the 17th of January to the conclusion that it would be better to relinquish Gideon as a meeting place, we still deferred the matter for two months and a half longer, before we even mentioned our difficulties publicly. At last, on March 30th, we assembled with all the saints, and brother Craik and I stated to them our difficulties. The following is the substance of what was stated at the meeting.

Brief statement of certain difficulties connected with our continuing to retain the occupancy of Gideon Chapel, Newfoundland Street, Bristol.

In order to enter into the force of the following particulars, it is necessary to keep in mind the position which, as a body of saints, we seem called upon to maintain, in this city, before the church and the world. We meet simply as believers in Christ, without reference to any sectarian distinction, maintaining the Scriptures as our only rule of doctrine and discipline, and affording freedom for the exercise of any spiritual gift which the Lord may be pleased to bestow. We thus hold out a gathering place for all who believe in the Lord Jesus, and desire to confess His name, by obedience to His authority. Whatever impedes us, in this our great work, can only be suffered to continue, if the Lord Himself lays it upon us as a burden or chastisement. Nothing but necessity can justify our putting any obstacles in the way of the saints in this city, who, feeling the obligation of separating from every sectarian bond of union, would desire to meet with us.

I.

1. There seems no sufficient reason for holding our Lord’s day morning meetings, for the breaking of bread, in two different places. See 1 Cor. xi. 20. The number is not too large to assemble in one place, and the extent of locality is not so great as to prevent it, except in the ease of invalids or of very aged persons: and the disadvantages of two meeting places are very serious. In this way of meeting the gifts are needlessly divided, as the gifted brethren are in two places instead of one; discipline is rendered very difficult to be executed, as it can scarcely be ascertained who absent themselves, etc.; and impediments are thrown in the way of mutual intercourse and acquaintance, as the saints sometimes go to the one place, and sometimes to the other.

2. There are only four ways in which we can so arrange as to assemble every Lord’s day morning, as a church, together. a, Bethesda may be given up, and the meeting of the saints maybe at Gideon. b, The meetings maybe alternately at each place. c, The meetings may be held at a third place intermediate, in respect of locality, between the two. d, Gideon may be given up, and Bethesda alone become the place of meeting for breaking of bread.

--In regard to the first two of these four arrangements, the size of Gideon puts a complete obstacle in the way, as there would not be sufficient room, were the saints and others, who would still attend, to meet together in that place. The third plan appears to be freest from all objections, could it be accomplished; but there is no one other place to be obtained sufficiently large for our purpose, and therefore, if it be granted that the profit of the saints and the glory of Christ seem to require our having one gathering place, till the number of the saints and the extent of locality on which they reside shall force us to have more than one: the only way in which, for the present, this can be accomplished is by our relinquishing Gideon, and having Bethesda as our only place of meeting.6

II.

But the above are not the only reasons why we should no longer continue to retain Gideon as a meeting place for the church.--We have reason to believe that several of our dear brethren, who have been in the habit of assembling there for worship, do not see with us in reference to the great leading principles on which we professedly meet. Ever since the removal of any restraint upon the exercise of whatever gift the Spirit may bestow, in connexion with the practice of weekly communion at Gideon, there has been dissatisfaction on the part of some. A few have left and gone to other places, some have been in the habit of remaining only as long as there is teaching or exhortation, and then leaving without breaking bread. We have reason to believe that several do not, in heart, acknowledge us as taught of God in regard to the changes, which we have introduced; or, if they feel unwilling to say so, yet they are inclined to retain their old way. Now, spiritual rule can only be continued over those who yield willing subjection: an unwilling submission on the part of those who are in the place "of the ruled," we deem no true subjection at all. Therefore, those who do not believe that matters are conducted amongst us in a Scriptural way, cannot comfortably continue in fellowship with us: and by yielding up to them the use of the Chapel, we take away all just cause of complaint.--On account of these reasons there would be no need of leaving a meeting place under other circumstances; but as, when brother Craik and I came to Gideon Chapel, we found saints there assembled together in fellowship who had contributed towards the purchasing and fitting up of the Chapel, and who had been in the habit of meeting together on different principles, it seems not Christlike either to force our light upon them, or to constrain them to leave us; but to give up the Chapel to them, as they do not, in heart, go along with us. It cannot be expected that, for the sake of pleasing even those whom we love in Christ, we should shrink back from carrying out any truth which the Lord may lead us into; and, therefore, if our brethren cannot heartily go along with us, it is better that nothing should be imposed upon them contrary to their convictions. If it should be said that for the sake of a few we thus separate from many: our reply is, that we separate from none of the saints; we only withdraw from a building, because it appears to us a hinderance to the manifesting of the truth, and, at the same time hold out a gathering place for all who feel that it would be for the edification of their souls, and the glory of God, that they should continue to meet with us. We invite all those who conscientiously can submit to the order which obtains amongst us, to continue in fellowship with us; and we purpose to provide a place of meeting to suit the convenience of the feeble and aged who would feel the distance of Bethesda to be an obstacle to their meeting habitually with the saints there.

III.

But in addition to those already mentioned, there is a third class of difficulties connected with retaining Gideon. The present character of the meeting for the breaking of bread there, is very far from fully exhibiting the principles on which we meet together. Unbelievers sitting among the saints, hinders our appearing to meet for the breaking of bread, and renders it necessary that a disturbing pause should intervene between the act of breaking bread and the other part of the meeting. We cannot have the breaking of bread at the commencement of the meeting, because of the confusion occasioned by the intermixture of those who are not in fellowship with us. To alter this, and to request all who are not in fellowship with us (except those belonging to the families of the saints) to sit by themselves, as is the case at Bethesda, would, we fear, produce increased dissatisfaction. Such a request moreover would not be Christlike, as long as from the construction of the building no comfortable sittings were reserved for any besides the saints themselves. Thus, by retaining Gideon, we are under the necessity of either marring our testimony to the church at large, or of deepening the dissatisfaction prevalent among several who are already in fellowship with us.--Again, the very construction of the place renders it unsuitable for a meeting of saints. Part of the sittings being pews, necessarily tends to give the appearance of a distinction between the very poor and the more respectable class. This distinction would need to be done away, and we have every reason to fear that some might feel personally aggrieved by the pews being taken away and replaced with benches. We have only of late understood that some of the pews are looked upon as private property. This is such a violation of the statement that the sittings are all free, that it could no longer be permitted. To require these unscriptural practices to be renounced, we have reason to apprehend, would be considered as an arbitrary act of rule, and might alienate the minds of those of our dear brethren who are still, in heart, attached to that to which they hare been accustomed in former years.

If it can be shown that the above difficulties are capable of being removed, or that any greater evil would attend the yielding up of Gideon than the evils which necessarily accompany our retaining it, then we are bound not to give it up. But, according to our present light, we see no way of reconciling the two objects, viz.: the retaining of Gideon, and the exhibiting a full, unhindered testimony to the truth of God. We repeat it, that we do not separate from any single individual in fellowship with us, we only leave the walls of a building, and invite those who feel called upon to separate from every sectarian system, and to meet where free exercise is afforded for every spiritual gift, to assemble with us at Bethesda.

In the case of those who are in ordinary health, the inconvenience attending the locality of Bethesda is a matter of very little consequence. Half an hour’s earlier rising on the morning of the Lord’s day, would be sufficient, in most cases, fully to meet the difficulty; and the consciousness, that the glory of Jesus and the true welfare of His church were thereby promoted, would far more than compensate for the amount of self-denial which the inconvenience arising from the distance would impose.--In reference to the weak, the sickly, and the very aged, who reside in the neigbourhood of Gideon, we trust, in the strength of the Lord, to make such ample provision for their comfort on the Lord’s day, that they may have no reason to regret that Gideon has been relinquished. Lastly, as it regards the opportunities which will be lost, by giving up Gideon, of proclaiming the truth among believers, as well as preaching the gospel to the world, we intend, according to our ability and the measure of gift amongst us, to open places for those purposes in different parts of the city.

After we had fully stated our minds respecting our difficulties in continuing to meet, as a church, at Gideon Chapel, we were still quite willing to continue to occupy it as a preaching place, provided the brethren whose property the Chapel was (because of their having contributed towards the purchase and fitting up of the building,) were perfectly satisfied with our doing so. If this had been the case, all the difference would have been, that on Lord’s day mornings Gideon Chapel would have been shut, and all the church would have met at Bethesda; but we should have been willing not only to preach in Gideon on the Lord’s day evenings, and once or twice in the week, but also on the Lord’s day afternoons instead of the morning meeting: so that even the unconverted, or the believers of that neighbourhood, who are not in communion with us, should have been no losers.--Whilst nothing was stated by any one, that showed us we had been mistaken in the conclusion to which we had come, a point was mentioned which soon brought the matter to a final decision. It was said that the giving up of one of the principal meetings on the Lord’s day would be against the spirit of the trust deeds, as the Chapel was particularly intended to be a preaching place. Now, though we did not see it to be thus, as we meant to preach the Word, as before, at Gideon, if it could be done in perfect harmony with the owners of it; yet it seemed beyond a question that we could not retain the Chapel, whilst we appeared, even in the least to alienate the property from the use for which it was said to have been intended. We, therefore, were confirmed by this in our conclusion to give up the Chapel at once, and that entirely. [In order that the aged and infirm, and invalids who live in the neighbourhood of Gideon, might not be losers by the change, cars were provided, at the expense of the church, to convey them to the meeting for the breaking of bread at Bethesda; and a Chapel was rented in Callow-hill Street, near Gideon, in which, on the Lord’s day and Thursday evenings the Word was ministered, It was very kind of the Lord to order it so that this chapel was at once to be had! Two years and a half afterwards, in October, 1842, we rented a still more suitable Chapel, in the heart of the City. On April 19th, 1840, we preached for the last time at Gideon, after having laboured there, with abundant blessing, for about eight years. Only three saints, as far as I know, out of about 250, who used to meet with us at Gideon, remained there. Nor has the Lord ceased to bless our labours since we left.]

April 27. Monday. The Lord knew that we were penniless, and should be in need of fresh supplies today for the Orphans, therefore He moved the hearts of some of His children to remember us, in answer to our prayer. Yesterday I received with Eccles. ix. 10, 5l., and 10s. from a sister who had lent this sum to some one, but never expected it again; and now, having unexpectedly received it, gave it to the Lord for the Orphans. 1l. 10s. was given for the rent of the Orphan-Houses. There was 2s. 6d. put anonymously into the box at Bethesda, and also 1l. This morning I was informed that 5l. had been sent to the Infant-Orphan-House. Thus the Lord has given for our need 13l. 2s. 6d.

Let us pause here a few moments, beloved reader! Let us adore the Lord’s kindness! See how seasonably the Lord sends the help. As our need is, so He remembers us. It is not now and then that He is mindful of us, but continually. As surely as we stand in need of any thing, He sends it; be it money, provisions, clothes, or any thing else. We may be allowed to be poor, yea, very poor; we may have to pray again and again to our Father before the answer comes; we may be reduced so as to have from mal to meal to wait upon Him; yea, according to all outward appearance, the Lord may seem to have forgotten us:--but, amidst it all, as surely as we really need any thing, in His own time and way does He send help. Perhaps you may say; "But how would you do, in case there were a mealtime to come and you had no provisions for the children, or they really wanted clothes, and you had no money to procure them?" Our answer is, such a thing is impossible as long as the Lord shall give us grace to trust in Him, (for "whosoever believeth on Him shall not be ashamed,") and as long as He shall enable us to carry on the work in uprightness of heart. But should we be ever so left to ourselves as to forsake the Lord and trust in an arm of flesh, or should we regard iniquity in our heart i. e. wilfully and habitually do any thing, either in connexion with the work or otherwise, which is against the will of God, then we may pray and utter many words before Him, but He will not hear us, as it is written: "If I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear me." Psalm lxvi. 18. I, therefore, beseech all who love our Lord Jesus and who may read this, to entreat Him on behalf of all of us who are engaged in this work, that He would be pleased to continue to give us faith, and that He would keep us from living in sin.

May 2. Nothing having come in for five days, we were today again penniless. In answer to prayer 5s. 6d. came in, and some trinkets were sent, the names of which the donor does not wish to be known. Thus we were helped through this day.--Observe here, how the Lord allowed five days to pass away without influencing the hearts of any to send us supplies; but the moment there is real need, the stream runs again.

May 3. Today the Lord sent in again some money for the Orphans. He knew we were penniless, and therefore answered our requests. Besides 1l. 10s. for rent, there came in 1l. 1s. from London, and 2l. from the Isle of Wight.

May 4. By what came in yesterday, we were supplied for today; but the Lord sent today still more, as that which came in yesterday was only enough for today. There was given in money 7l., of which 3l. was the profit of the sale of ladies’ baskets, which are made by some sisters in the Lord for the benefit of the Orphans.

Last evening a brother was baptized, who on the first Lord’s day of this year came with his intended wife to Bethesda Chapel. Both were in an unconverted state. They both were at the same meeting, through what brother Craik said, made to feel the power of the truth, and, in consequence, were led to Jesus and found peace in Him, and are now both in communion with us.--The Lord still condescends to use us as instruments. Today we conversed with seven persons about fellowship, and had to send away five, being worn out after we had seen the seven, one after the other. Only since April 1st, forty-one persons have come to us to speak about their souls. May the Lord in mercy give us helpers in the work, for truly the harvest is great; and may not our ingratitude for His abundant blessing upon our labours oblige Him to shut up His hands from continuing to use us!

May 6th. This evening I received 10l. for the Orphans, and 10l. for the Infant-School, which we are on the point of opening. Before our little stock is quite exhausted, (for there is yet 2l. left for the Orphans) the Lord has thus kindly sent a fresh supply. Thus also my prayer is answered in being able to give to two of the sisters in the Orphan-Houses some money for their personal expenses.

May 8. There are four believers staying at my house, and today we had only a few shillings of our own money left. I gave myself, therefore, to prayer for means for our own personal expenses. In answer to my request, I received this morning 5l.

May 10. Today five of the Orphans were received into fellowship and baptized. There are now fourteen of them in fellowship.

May 16. The need of today, as we were again penniless, led us to open the boxes in the Orphan-Houses, in which 2l. 0s. 2d. was found. There was given 5s. besides. In the evening came in still further a sovereign from a sister, a servant, with the following lines: The Lord has put it into my heart to send a sovereign to the Orphans. He indeed put it into my heart, which was once at enmity with God and would have said, lay it by, you may want it when you are old; but then I could not look towards heaven and say, I know my Heavenly Father will supply all my need; neither could I say, ‘Abba, Father,’ for I knew Him not."

May 17. Today the Lord has sent a little more, so that we have enough to meet the demands of tomorrow. There came in altogether 3l. 9s. 6d.

May 22. Several small donations enabled us to supply the necessities of the last four days. When this day commenced, however, there was again not a penny in hand. But my eyes were directed to the Lord, and therefore my heart was at peace; I was fully assured that He would help this day also. About eleven I was informed that there was 19s. 3d. in hand, being the produce of the boys’ knitting, and that also some old clothes, given for sale, had been sold for 3s. 6d., and one Report besides for 3d. To this one of the labourers added 4s. of his own, and gave a book besides for sale. Thus we had 1l. 7s., which was enough to meet the demands of this day.

May 26. By the sale of 166 little books which had been given to be disposed of, by a few shillings which came in for the children’s needlework, by 4s. which had been taken out of the boxes in the Orphan-Houses, by a little money given by one of the labourers, by 10s. which came anonymously in a letter, and by the sale of some Reports--we were able to meet the demands since the 22nd. Today there was 1l. 2s. 8d. left in hand, but this was not quite enough for the need of the day. In the afternoon came in for needlework 11s. 6d., and there was 5s. left at the Infant-Orphan House. Thus we had enough, and a few shillings left for tomorrow.

May 26. Nothing had come in. My engagements kept me from going to the Orphan-Houses till seven in the evening, when the labourers met together for prayer. When we met I found that one of them had given l7s., which had been divided between the three houses. This, with the little which had been left yesterday, had procured all necessary articles. We are now very poor.