Part 5

Aug. 7. How graciously has the Lord again appeared, and that in so short a time! How has he sent help, from altogether unexpected quarters! I have been praying yesterday and today earnestly, beseeching the Lord now to appear, and show His power, that the enemies might not say, "Where is now thy God?" I reminded Him especially, that I had commenced the work that it might be seen, that He, even in our day, is willing to answer prayer, and that the provision for our Orphans might be a visible proof to all around us of this truth. And now observe! Last evening brother Craik told me that 10l. had been given him for the work in our hands; 5l. for the Orphans, and 5l. for the School—Bible—and Missionary fund. Today, having to pay 25l., and not having quite enough, when I went to brother T---- for the money which he might have received, as I knew that 25s. had been given to him, I took with me the keys of the boxes in the Orphan-Houses, to see whether the Lord had sent in a little. I opened the box in the Boys’-Orphan-House, and found 1l. 7s. 5 ½d. Immediately after I received from brother T---- 13l. 19s. 10d., the greater part of which, as he told me, had come in within the last few days. Thus our adorable Lord has once more delivered; for I have now even more than enough to meet the current expenses of this week.

Aug. 16. When today the account books of the Boys’-Orphan-House were brought, several days sooner than I had expected them, it was found that there was 1l. 6s. 6d. due to the matron. Besides this, money was to be advanced for house-keeping, and there was only 13s. 5 1/2d. in hand. To this one of those connected with the work added 2l. This 2l. 13s. 5 1/2d. was sent to the matron, whilst we were waiting upon God to send more help. In the evening the boxes at the Girls’ and Infant-Orphan-Houses were opened, and in them was found 3l. 7s. 5 1/2d. Thus the Lord has kindly helped us again for two or three days.

Aug. 18. I have not one penny in hand for the Orphans. In a day or two again many pounds will be needed. My eyes are up to the Lord. Evening. Before this day is over, I have received from a sister 5l. She had some time since put away her trinkets, to be sold for the benefit of the Orphans. This morning, whilst in prayer, it came to her mind, I have this 5l., and owe no man any thing, therefore it would be better to give this money at once, as it may be some time, before I can dispose of the trinkets. She therefore brought it, little knowing that there was not a penny in hand, and that I had been able to advance only 4l. l5s. 5d. for housekeeping in the Boys’-Orphan-House, instead of the usual 10l.; little knowing also, that within a few days many pounds more will be needed. May my soul be greatly encouraged by this fresh token of my gracious Lord’s faithfulness!

Aug. 20. The 5l. which I had received on the 18th, had been given for house-keeping, so that today I was again penniless. But my eyes were up to the Lord. I gave myself to prayer this morning, knowing that I should want again this week at least 13l., if not above 20l. Today I received 12l. in answer to prayer, from a lady who is staying at Clifton, whom I had never seen before. Adorable Lord, grant that this may be a fresh encouragement to me.

Aug. 23. Today I was again without one single penny, when 3l. was sent from Clapham, with a box of new clothes for the Orphans.

Aug. 29. Today sixteen believers were baptized. Of all the baptisms which we have had, this was, perhaps, the most remarkable. Among those who were baptized was an aged brother of above 84 years, and one above 70. For the latter his believing wife had prayed 38 years, and at last the Lord answered her prayers in his conversion. Should any believer who may read this, be on the point of growing weary in prayer for his unconverted relatives, because of the answer being delayed, the above fact may be instrumental in stirring up such a one to give himself to prayer with renewed earnestness and strengthened expectation. "In due season we shall reap, if we faint not." There were also amongst those who were baptized a blind brother and sister, and two very young persons.

Aug. 31. I have been waiting on the Lord for means, as the matron’s books from the Girls’-Orphan-House have been brought, and there is no money in hand to advance for house-keeping. But as yet the Lord has not been pleased to send help. As the matron called today for money, one of the labourers gave 2l. of his own, for the present necessities.

Sept. 1. The Lord in His wisdom and love has not yet sent help. Whence it is to come, need not be my care. But I believe God will, in due time, send help. His hour is not yet come. As there was money needed in the Boys’-Orphan-House also, the same brother, just alluded to, gave 2l. for that also. Thus we were delivered at this time likewise. But now his means are gone. This is the most trying hour that as yet I have had in the work, as it regards means; but I know that I shall yet praise the Lord for His help. I have mentioned my arguments before Him, and my gracious Lord, "the Father of the fatherless," will send help.

Sept. 3. This morning the Lord again helped by 2l., which another labourer connected with the work gave. This 2l., together with sixpence which had been given anonymously, was sent off to the Girls’-Orphan-House, where all the money must be gone. There came in further 1l. 14s. 8d. in the course of the day, which was given to the matron of the Boys’-Orphan-House.

Sept. 5. Our hour of trial continues still. The Lord mercifully has given enough to supply our daily necessities; but He gives by the day now, and almost by the hour, as we need it. Nothing came in yesterday. I have besought the Lord again and again, both yesterday and today. It is as if the Lord said: "Mine hour is not yet come." But I have faith in God. I believe that He surely will send help, though I know not whence it is to come. Many pounds are needed within a few days, and there is not a penny in hand. This morning 2l. was given for the present necessities, by one of the labourers in the work.--Evening: This very day the Lord sent again some help to encourage me to continue to wait on Him, and to trust in Him. As I was praying this afternoon respecting the matter, I felt fully assured that the Lord would send help, and praised Him beforehand for His help, and asked Him to encourage our hearts through it. I have been also led yesterday and today to ask the Lord especially, that He would not allow my faith to fail. A few minutes after I had prayed, brother T---- came and brought 4l. 1s. 5d., which had come in, in several small donations. He told me, at the same time, that tomorrow the books will be brought from the Infant-Orphan-House, when money must be advanced for housekeeping. I thought for a moment, it might be well to keep 3l. of this money for that purpose. But it occurred to me immediately, "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." The Lord can provide, by tomorrow, much more than I need, and I therefore sent 3l. to one of the sisters, whose quarterly salary was due, and the remaining 1l. 1s. 5d. to the Boys’-Orphan-House for housekeeping. Thus I am still penniless. My hope is in God: He will provide.

Sept. 6. This morning the books were brought from the Infant-Orphan-House, and the matron sent to ask when she should fetch them, implying, when they would have been looked over, and when money would be advanced for housekeeping. I said "tomorrow," though I had not a single penny in hand. About an hour after, brother T---- sent me a note, to say that he had received 1l. this morning, and that last evening a brother had sent 29lbs. of salt, 44 dozen of onions, and 26lbs. of groats.

Sept. 7. The time had come that I had to send money to the Infant-Orphan-House, but the Lord had not sent any more. I gave, therefore, the 1l. which had come in yesterday, and 2s. 2d. which had been put into the box in my house, trusting to the good Lord to send in more.

Sept. 8. Saturday evening. I am still in the hour of probation. It has not pleased my gracious Lord to send me help as yet.--The evening before last I heard brother Craik preach on Genesis xii., about Abraham’s faith. He showed how all went on well, as long as Abraham acted in faith, and walked according to the will of God; and how all failed when he distrusted God. Two points I felt particularly important in my case. 1. That I may not go any by-ways, or ways of my own, for deliverance. I have about 220l. in the bank, which, for other purposes in the Lord’s work, has been entrusted to me by a brother and a sister. I might take of this money, and say but to the sister--and write but to the brother, that I have taken, in these my straits, 20l., 50l., or 100l., for the Orphans, and they would be quite satisfied (for both of them have liberally given for the Orphans, and the brother has more than once told me, only to let him know when I wanted money;) but this would be a deliverance of my own, not God’s deliverance. Besides, it would be no small barrier to the exercise of faith, in the next hour of trial. 2. I was particularly reminded afresh, in hearing brother Craik, of the danger of dishonouring the Lord in that very way in which I have, through His grace, in some small measure brought glory to Him, even by trusting in Him.--Yesterday and today I have been pleading with God eleven arguments, why He would be graciously pleased to send help. My mind has been in peace respecting the matter. Yesterday the peace amounted even to joy in the Holy Ghost But this I must say, that the burden of my prayer, during the last days, has been chiefly, that the Lord in mercy would keep my faith from failing. My eyes are up to Him. He can help soon. One thing I am sure of: In His own way, and in His own time He will help. The arguments which I plead with God are:

1. That I set about the work for the glory of God, i e. that there might be a visible proof, by God supplying, in answer to prayer only, the necessities of the Orphans, that He is the living God, and most willing, even in our day, to answer prayer; and that, therefore, He would be pleased to send supplies.

2. That God is the "Father of the fatherless," and that He, therefore, as their Father, would be pleased to provide. Psalm lxviii. 5.

3. That I have received the children in the name of Jesus, and that, therefore, He, in these children, has been received, and is fed, and is clothed; and that, therefore, He would be pleased to consider this. Mark ix. 36, 37.

4. That the faith of many of the children of God has been strengthened by this work hitherto, and that, if God were to withhold the means for the future, those who are weak in faith would be staggered; whilst by a continuance of means, their faith might still further be strengthened.

5. That many enemies would laugh, were the Lord to withhold supplies, and say, did we not foretell that this enthusiasm would come to nothing?

6. That many of the children of God, who are uninstructed, or in a carnal state, would feel themselves justified to continue their alliance with the world in the work of God, and to go on as heretofore, in their unscriptural proceedings respecting similar institutions, so far as the obtaining of means is concerned, if He were not to help me.

7. That the Lord would remember that I am His child, and that He would graciously pity me, and remember that I cannot provide for these children, and that therefore He would not allow this burden to lie upon me long without sending help.

8. That He would remember likewise my fellow-labourers in the work, who trust in Him, but who would be tried were He to withhold supplies.

9. That He would remember that I should have to dismiss the children from under our Scriptural instruction to their former companions.

10. That He would show, that those were mistaken who said, that, at the first, supplies might be expected, while the thing was new, but not afterwards.

11. That I should not know, were He to withhold means, what construction I should put upon all the many most remarkable answers to prayer, which He had given me heretofore in connexion with this work, and which most fully have shown to me that it is of God.

In some small measure I now understand, experimentally, the meaning of that word "how long," which so frequently occurs in the prayers of the Psalms. But even now, by the grace of God, my eyes are up unto Him only, and I believe that He will send help.

Sept. 10. Monday morning. Neither Saturday nor yesterday had any money come in. It appeared to me now needful to take some steps on account of our need, i.e., to go to the Orphan Houses, call the brethren and sisters together, (who, except brother T----, had never been informed about the state of the funds), state the case to them, see how much money was needed for the present, tell them that amidst all this trial of faith I still believed that God would help, and to pray with them. Especially, also, I meant to go for the sake of telling them that no more articles must be purchased than we have the means to pay for, but to let there be nothing lacking in any way to the children, as it regards nourishing food and needful clothing; for I would rather at once send them away than that they should lack. I meant to go for the sake also of seeing whether there were still articles remaining which had been sent for the purpose of being sold, or whether there were any articles really needless, that we might turn them into money. I felt that the matter was now come to a solemn crisis.--About half-past nine six-pence came in, which had been put anonymously into the box at Gideon Chapel. This money seemed to me like an earnest, that God would have compassion and send more. About ten, after I had returned from brother Craik, to whom I had unbosomed my heart again, whilst once more in prayer for help, a sister called who gave two sovereigns to my wife for the Orphans, stating that she had felt herself stirred up to come, and that she had delayed coming already too long. A few minutes after, when I went into the room where she was, she gave me two sovereigns more, and all this without knowing the least about our need. Thus the Lord most mercifully has sent us a little help, to the great encouragement of my faith. A few minutes after I was called on for money from the Infant-Orphan-House, to which I sent 2l., and 1l. 0s. 6d. to the Boys’-Orphan-House, and 1l. to the Girls’-Orphan-House.

Brother Craik left Bristol today for a few days in company with another brother. I should have gone with them for the sake of obtaining some quiet for my head; but I must remain, to pass with my dear Orphans through the trial; though these dear little ones know nothing about it, because their tables are as well supplied as when there was 800l. in the bank, and they have lack of nothing.

Today I saw a young brother who, as well as one of his sisters, had been brought to the knowledge of the Lord through my Narrative.

Sept. 11. The good Lord, in His wisdom, still sees it needful to keep us very low. But this afternoon brother T---- called, and told me that one of our fellow-labourers had sold his metal watch, and two gold pins, for 1l. 1s., that 9s. 6d. had come in, and that two of our fellow-labourers had sent two lots of books of their own, 19 and 21 in number, to be sold for the Orphans. What an abundant blessing, that in such a season of trial I have such fellow-labourers! This 1l. 10s. 6d. was given to the Boys’-Orphan-House.

Sept. 12. Still the trial continues. Only 9s. came in today, given by one of the labourers. In the midst of this great trial of faith the Lord still mercifully keeps me in great peace. He also allows me to see, that our labour is not in vain; for yesterday died Leah Culliford, one of the orphans, about 9 years old, truly converted, and brought to the faith some months before her departure.

Sept. 13. No help has come yet. This morning found it was absolutely needful to tell the brethren and sisters about the state of the funds, and to give necessary directions as to not going into debt, etc. We prayed together, and had a very happy meeting. They all seemed comfortable 12s. 6d. was taken out of the boxes in the three houses, 12s. one of the labourers gave, and 1l. 1s. had come in for needlework done by the children.

One of the sisters, who is engaged in the work, sent a message after me, not to trouble myself about her salary, for she should not want any for a twelvemonth. What a blessing to have such fellow-labourers!

Sept. 14. I met again this morning with the brethren and sisters for prayer, as the Lord has not yet sent help. After prayer one of the labourers gave me all the money he had, 16s., saying that it would not be upright to pray, if he were not to give what he had. One of the sisters told me, that in six days she would give 6l., which she had in the Savings’ Bank for such a time of need. God be praised for such fellow-labourers!-—Up to this day the matrons of the three houses had been in the habit of paying the bakers and the milkman weekly, because they had preferred to receive the payments in this way, and sometimes it had thus been also with the butcher and grocer. But now, as the Lord deals out to us by the day, we considered it would be wrong to go on any longer in this way, as the week’s payment might become due, and we have no money to meet it; and thus those with whom we deal might be inconvenienced by us, and we be found acting against the commandment of the Lord, "Owe no man anything." Rom. xiii. 8. From this day, and hence-forward, whilst the Lord gives to us our supplies by the day, we purpose therefore to pay at once for every article as it is purchased, and never to buy anything except we can pay for it at once, however much it may seem to be needed, and however much those with whom we deal may wish to be paid only by the week. The little which was owed was paid off this day.--When I came home I found a large parcel of new clothes, which had been sent from Dublin for the Orphans, a proof that tire Lord remembers us still. We met again in the evening for prayer. We were of good cheer, and still BELIEVE that the Lord will supply our need.

Sept. 15. Saturday. We met again this morning for prayer. God comforts our hearts. We are looking for help. I found that there were provisions enough for today and tomorrow, but there was no money in hand to take in bread as usual, in order that the children might not have newly baked bread. This afternoon one of the labourers, who had been absent for several days from Bristol, returned, and gave 1l. This evening we met again for prayer, when I found that 10s. 6d. more had come in since the morning. With this 1l. 10s. 6d. we were able to buy, even this Saturday evening, the usual quantity of bread, (as it might be difficult to get stale bread on Monday morning,) and have some money left. God be praised, who gave us grace to come to the decision not to take any bread today, as usual, nor to buy any thing for which we cannot pay at once. We were very comfortable, thankfully taking this money out of our Father’s hands, as a proof that He still cares for us, and that, in His own time, He will send us larger sums.

Today, a brother kindly paid the bill for medical attendance on my dear wife during her confinement. The same brother also had paid, some weeks since, the second medical attendant, who was called in. Thus the Lord, in various ways, sends help to us, showing continually His fatherly care over us.

Sept. 16. Lord’s day afternoon. We met again for prayer respecting supplies for the Orphans. We are in peace, and our hope is in God, that He graciously will appear, though but one shilling has come in since last evening.

Sept. 17. The trial still continues. It is now more and more trying, even to faith, as each day comes. Truly, the Lord has wise purposes in allowing us to call so long upon Him for help. But I am sure God will send help, if we can but wait. One of the labourers had had a little money come in, of which he gave 12s. 6d.; another labourer gave 11s. 8d., being all the money she had left: this, with 17s. 6d., which, partly, had come in, and, partly, was in hand, enabled us to pay what needed to be paid, and to purchase provisions, so that nothing yet, in any way, has been lacking. This evening I was rather tried respecting the long delay of larger sums coming; but being led to go to the Scriptures for comfort, my soul was greatly refreshed, and my faith again strengthened, by the xxxivth Psalm, so that I went very cheerfully to meet with my dear fellow-labourers for prayer. I read to them the Psalm, and sought to cheer their hearts through the precious promises contained in it.

Sept. 18. Brother T. had 25s. in hand, and I had 3s. This 1l. 8s. enabled us to buy the meat and bread, which was needed; a little tea for one of the houses, and milk for all; no more than this is needed. Thus the Lord has provided not only for this day, but there is bread for two days in hand. Now, however, we are come to an extremity. The funds are exhausted. The labourers, who had a little money, have given as long as they had any left.--Now observe how the Lord helped us! A lady from the neighbourhood of London who brought a parcel with money from her daughter, arrived four or five days since in Bristol, and took lodgings next door to the Boys’ Orphan-House. This afternoon she herself kindly brought me the money, amounting to 3l. 2s. 6d. We had been reduced so low as to be on the point of selling those things which could be spared; but this morning I had asked the Lord, if it might be, to prevent the necessity of our doing so. That the money had been so near the Orphan-Houses for several days without being given, is a plain proof that it was from the beginning in the heart of God to help us; but, because He delights in the prayers of His children, He had allowed us to pray so long; also to try our faith, and to make the answer so much the sweeter. It is indeed a precious deliverance. I burst out into loud praises and thanks the first moment I was alone, after I had received the money. I met with my fellow-labourers again this evening for prayer and praise; their hearts were not a little cheered. This money was this evening divided, and will comfortably provide for all that will be needed tomorrow.

Sept. 20. Morning. The Lord has again kindly sent in a little. Last evening was given to me 1s. 6d., and this morning 1l. 3s. Evening. This evening the Lord sent still further supplies; 8l. 11s. 2 1/2d. came in, as a further proof that the Lord is not unmindful of us. There was in the box of the Girls’ Orphan-House 1l. 1s., and in that of the Boys’ Orphan-House 1l. 7s. 2 1/2d. One of the labourers, in accordance with her promise this day week, gave 6l. 3s. About eighteen months ago she saw it right no longer to have money for herself in the Savings’ Bank, and she therefore, in her heart, gave the money which she had there to the Orphan-Houses, intending to draw it in a time of need. Some time since (she told me this evening) she drew a part of it to buy several useful articles for the Orphan-Houses; now the sum was reduced to 6l. When she found out the present need, she went this day week to the Savings’ Bank, and gave notice that she wished to draw her money today. Truly, as long as God shall be pleased to give me such fellow-labourers, His blessing will rest upon the work! This 8l. 11s. 2 1/2d. was divided this evening to supply the three houses, and we thanked God, unitedly, for His help.