Part 2

_Bobstay._ I must have a peep at her (_runs up and looks into keyhole_). Ah, ha! ’tis she! (_falls back into_ CHARLES’S _arms_).

_Charles._ She! Who?

_Bobstay_ (_recovering himself_). Hush! Spanker’s wife! My widow, you know! Our evil genius! It’s a judgment on me for giving up the search for the lost Spanker. I must be off. Good-bye; put it there (_they shake hands)._ If I’m asked for, you know--mysteriously disappeared--(_goes up to door_ C.).

_Mrs. C._ (_outside_ C.) Charley! Charley!

_Bobstay_ (_comes down_ R.). There’s a craft bearing down this way; mum’s the word, Charley.

[_Exit door_ R.

(_Enter_ PERSIS _from room_ L.)

_Persis._ Shall we never be alone?

_Charles._ Hush! go back; my wife is here!

_Persis._ Your wife? Rosa Bean? I’ll scratch her eyes out!

_Charles_ (_pushing her into room_). No, no; you’ll spoil all. They meet!--’twould never do (_locks door and takes out key._ MRS. C. _appears at door_ C.)

_Mrs. C._ Why, Charles, what are you doing? Locking my door?

_Charles_ (_confused_). Yes--no--that is, I was afraid the cat would get in there, and so I locked it.

_Mrs. C._ I want to put my things away.

_Charles._ I wouldn’t take them off now, it’s a little chilly here.

_Mrs. C._ Chilly! Why, Charles, are you ill? How pale you look! If it were anybody else, I should say a guilty look was on your face.

_Charles_ (_aside_). A guilty look! and she in clandestine correspondence with Dolby! (_Aloud_) Guilty? absurd! (_Aside_) What have I done? Locked a woman in her room,--and I suspect her? O, here’s a muddle!

_Mrs. C._ Well, as you do not seem inclined to let me into my room, I will lay off my things in Nelly’s (_goes to door_ R.). Why, this is locked too!

_Charles._ O, yes, yes; I forgot to tell you. I--I locked up the dog in there.

_Mrs. C._ The dog Towzer! What for?

_Charles._ Well, I was just going to sit down to read, and I didn’t want to be disturbed.

_Dog outside._ “Bow, wow, wow!”

_Mrs. C._ Ah, Towzer seems to have found the way out.

_Charles._ I wish I could. (_Dog barks._)

_Dolby_ (_outside_). Help! murder! help! (_Comes tumbling in through the window on to lounge; rolls on to floor._) Confound that dog! (_gets up rubbing his knees._)

_Charles._ What luck, Dolby. Did you get a bite?

_Dolby._ Yes; two of them; and if my legs hadn’t done good service, that confounded dog would have made a meal of me (_still rubbing his knees, not looking up._ MRS. CLEVERLY, _down_ R.).

_Charles._ Sorry, Dolby, you didn’t have better luck. (_Aside_) Now to test my wife (_steps_ C.). Allow me to present you to my wife. Mrs. Cleverly, my friend Dixon Dolby. Dixie, this is the lady you have longed to meet.

_Dolby_ (_comes down_ _L._; _looks across_). Rosa Bean! Good gracious!

_Charles._ No, no. My poor friend, you are growing crazy with your absurd phantom, Rosa Bean.

_Dolby._ Good gracious, it’s her! And I--I--unhappy wretch!--am in love with Charley’s wife! What will become of me? I shall be found out (_wipes face with handkerchief_).

_Mrs. C._ I hope you are enjoying your day’s sport, Mr. Dolby.

_Dolby._ O, immensely! You see we took the dog along for a photograph--no, for company. Don Carlos said we’d better; and he got interested in my arrangements; and just as I stooped over to put on a bait, somebody said, “St’boy!” and I suppose he mistook me for the boy,--at any rate, took a bite. Then it suddenly occurred to me that there was “no place like home.”

(_Enter_ CARLOS, C.)

_Carlos._ Say, Mister, what did you want to scoot for jist as it was gettin’ interesting?

_Dolby._ Interesting, Don Carlos? It was getting exciting! (_Aside_) Heavens! how shall I get out of this scrape?--Charley’s wife!--He’ll murder me! (_Aloud_) Charley, I really believe I’ll take the next train.

_Charles._ Nonsense. You’ve not tried the gunning yet. Finish your day’s sport.

_Dolby_ (_aside_). I wish I could, at once.

_Charles._ Careless will take you to the game!

_Dolby_ (_takes gun_). All right. Don Carlos, we’ll try the game; (_aside_) and I’m off to the train. No more of this sport for me, thank you.

_Carlos._ Say, what do you want to shoot?

_Dolby._ How’s the deer?

_Carlos._ Deer? Ho, ho, ho! They’re purty well; but we’re out on ’em jist now.

_Dolby._ Well, a buffalo or two.

_Carlos._ Ho, ho, ho!

_Dolby._ Hang it! don’t stand there grinning; let’s shoot something quick. [_Exit_ C. _and off_ L.

_Carlos_ (_aside_). Darned if I don’t take him down into Buffalo Bill’s paster. He’ll shoot the fence quicker than scat. [_Exit_ C.

_Mrs. C._ Now that the dog is out of the way, I suppose you can have no objection to--

_Charles._ By the way, Jenny, I’d nearly forgotten it; but Mrs. Jenks, our neighbor, was here just now, and her baby’s taken sick--awful; wants you. It’s got a sudden attack of squills, I think she said.

_Mrs. C._ Indeed! I’ll run over at once; that is, if you can spare me.

_Charles._ O, certainly--that is, no--yes. They’re not catching, are they?

_Mrs. C._ I think not. Good-bye (_goes up_ C.). (_Aside_) There’s something wrong with Charley. I’ll not go far. [_Exit_ C.

_Charles._ Now to get that confounded Bobstay out of the way (_goes towards door_ R.).

(_Enter_ NELLY, R. 1 E.)

_Nelly._ Charley, what do you want in my room?

_Charles._ O, nothing--that is--I was looking for you.

_Nelly._ And having found me--

_Charles._ I want you to advise me. Read that. (_Gives note._)

_Nelly_ (_aside_). Nobody can do it better than I (_reads_). Well, Charley?

_Charles._ Well, Charley. No, ill Charley; a decidedly badly-used Charley. Do you know that photograph?

_Nelly._ It’s our Jenny.

_Charles._ Our Jenny! And it’s sent to my friend Dolby. I’ll murder him!

_Nelly._ Now, Charley, don’t be jealous. I’ve no doubt Jenny will explain matters to your entire satisfaction. (PERSIS _knocks at door_ L.) Ah, who’s that?

_Charles_ (_moving to door_ L.). It’s the cat. Scat, pussy, pussy, pussy!

_Nelly_, R. (_changes photograph in note for another_). I’ll see if we cannot put a new face upon the matter. (_Aloud_) Here’s your note, Charley. Don’t be jealous; it doesn’t look well in a man at all. [_Exit_ R.

_Charles._ Now to let the captain out. (_Goes to door_ R.; _raps_). I say, captain--coast clear!

(_Enter_ BOBSTAY, _with a calico skirt pinned about his waist, a red shawl over his shoulders, and a straw bonnet on his head_.)

Gracious! what’s the meaning of that rig?

_Bobstay._ Disguise; run the gantlet; slip my cable. See, I’m here--I’m gone. If anybody asks for Bobstay, you know--mysteriously disappeared. [_Goes to door_ C.

(_Enter_ MRS. CLEVERLY, C.)

MRS. C. One moment, if you please.

_Bobstay_ (_aside_). Shiver my timbers, it’s Jenny!

_Charles._ She’s found him out!

_Mrs. C._ (_leading_ BOBSTAY _down_ R. _by arm_). I have no objections to my husband’s entertaining ladies in my absence; but I have decided objections to their leaving my house with property not their own. I’ll thank you for that shawl.

_Bobstay._ Ay, ay. (_Takes off shawl._)

_Mrs. C._ And that bonnet.

_Bobstay_ (_takes off bonnet_). Ay, ay.

_Mrs. C._ Captain Bobstay! Uncle Boliver!

(_Enter_ MISS PERSIS, _door_ L.)

_Persis._ Captain Bobstay! My husband! (_Shrieks, and falls into_ CHARLES’S _arms_.)

_Bobstay._ ’Tis she; support me, Jenny (_falls into_ MRS. C.’S _arms_).

(_Report of gun outside_ C.)

_Dolby._ Help! murder! help! (_Runs in through door_ C., _turns and shuts door; puts his back against it_.) Hallo! what’s the matter here?

_Mrs. C._ So, sir, you have deceived me. And this lady is--

_Charles._ Your aunt, Mrs. Captain Bobstay.

_Bobstay._ ’Tis false!

_Persis._ Boliver! my own--(_approaching him._)

_Bobstay._ No, nothing of the kind, madam. You married me and I married you under a mistake. When you can bring me convincing proof of the death of your husband Spanker,--a leg or an arm of the aforesaid will be sufficient proof,--I am ready to talk business. Till then, madam, I am free.

_Persis._ Boliver--

_Bobstay._ O, I shall boil over if you are not silent (_sits at table_ R., _takes up paper; reads_. MISS PERSIS _moves about him, trying to get sight of his face; he keeps the paper before him_).

_Charles._ Now, Mrs. Cleverly, having cleared myself to your satisfaction, I hope--(_sees_ DOLBY) Hallo! Dolby, what are you doing there?

_Dolby._ Fact is, Charley, I’ve shot something!

(CARLOS _sticks his head into window_.)

_Carlos._ Yes, darn you, you shot a calf! But Buffalo Bill, our black bull, tossed you over the fence in no time. Ho, ho, ho! You’re a sportsman, you are!

[_Exit_ C.

_Dolby._ Charley, I guess I’ll go home. I’ve lost my net, my rod, and my gun; and if your game are as active as your friend Buffalo William, I’d rather not be hunting, thank you.

_Charles._ Do you recognize that note, Dolby? (_Gives note._)

_Dolby._ O, Lord, it’s! coming! Here’s a pretty day’s sport! That note? O, yes. That note is--

_Charles._ From my wife, I believe.

_Dolby._ O, heavens, it’s all over! Charley, ’pon my word, I hadn’t the least idea that Rosa Bean was your wife. If I had--

_Charles._ Silence! (_Snatches note from_ DOLBY, _and runs to_ C.) And you, madam, what have you to say to it? (_Gives note to_ MRS. C.)

(_Enter_ NELLY, C.)

_Mrs. C._ (_looking at it._) Say! What can I say? This in no way concerns me.

_Charles._ Indeed! And the picture?

_Mrs. C._ O, the picture. (_Looks at it._) Why, it’s our Nelly.

_Charles and Dolby._ Our Nelly!

_Nelly._ Yes, our Nelly--who is answerable for all this mischief. She is the writer of the note--the unknown correspondent of our friend Mr. Dixon Dolby, Rosa Bean.

_Dolby._ Well, that’s clever (_runs up to her_, C.). How do you do (_shakes hands_). (_They go to lounge and sit talking._)

_Mrs. C._ And you suspected me, Charley!

_Charles._ What could I do? Your aunt Bobstay brought me your picture, which somehow has mysteriously disappeared.

_Bobstay_ (_jumping up_). “Mysteriously disappeared.” Hark! listen! (_reads._) “All friends of the supposed-to-be-drowned Sylvester Spanker, especially his widow, are hereby notified that he has returned to his ship, the Venetian Red, and will sail this day for Valparaiso.” Ha, ha! ho, ho! He’s found, and I am free! Widow, I congratulate you.

_Persis._ Spanker alive! Thank fortune, I am no longer dependent on the cold charities of the world!

_Bobstay._ Madam, put it there (_they shake hands_). We’ll go aboard the Venetian Red this very day. I’ll return property, and take my receipt, tear up our certificate, give you my blessing, and mysteriously disappear.

_Dolby_ (_comes down with_ NELLY). But what’s to become of me? Will you desert the life you saved? Persis--

_Persis._ Bother! You’d better be silent. I was in that room when you told the story with such complimentary allusions to me.

_Dolby._ Ahem! Mum’s the word.

_Charles._ Come, Nelly, let’s have dinner. (_Exit_ NELLY L.) This little muddle is happily ended.

_Dolby._ I’ve had my day’s sport; not just what I expected, but it’s ending happily.

_Charles._ The widow has found her husband.

_Bobstay._ For which we return thanks.

(CARLOS _sticks his head in window_.)

_Carlos._ Say, you’ll never see that calf again; she’s gin her last blat.

(_Enter_ NELLY, R.)

_Nelly._ Dinner’s ready.

_Charles_ (_gives his wife his arm_, C.). Come, let’s to dinner. (DOLBY _and_ NELLY _arm in arm_, R.; CAPTAIN _and_ MISS PERSIS _arm in arm_, L.) Are you ready, captain?

_Bobstay._ Ay, ay, Charley, with a rousing appetite. So heave ahead; we’ll follow in your wake. I’m happy. You are happy, widow. Yes, we’re all happy--for we’ve had a day’s sport, and all our troubles have--mysteriously disappeared.

[_Curtain._]

* * * * *

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5. =The Turkish Bath.= A Farce in One Act. By Montague Williams and F. C. Burnand. 6 Male, 1 Female character.

6. =The Two Puddifoots.= A Farce in One Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 Male, 3 Female characters.

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29. =Cousin Tom.= A Commedietta in One Act. By George Roberts. 3 Male, 2 Female characters.

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31. =Hit Him, He has No Friends.= A Farce in One Act. By E. Yates and N. H. Harrington. 7 Male, 3 Female characters.

32. =The Christening.= A Farce in One Act. By J. B. Buckstone. 5 Male 6 Female characters.

33. =A Race for a Widow.= A Farce in One Act. By Thomas J. Williams. 5 Male, 4 Female characters.

34. =Your Life’s in Danger.= A Farce in One Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 Male, 3 Female characters.

35. =True unto Death.= A Drama in Two Acts. By J. Sheridan Knowles. 6 Male, 2 Female characters.

36. =Diamond cut Diamond.= An Interlude in One Act. By W. H. Murray. 10 Male, 1 Female character.

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End of Project Gutenberg's A Mysterious Disappearance, by George M. Baker