Chapter 2

But dhe Inglish tung, (raddher teeth,) enjoying dhe _dental aspirate_, direct and depressive (_th_ and _dh_), beyond perhaps anny oddher language, aincient or moddern; can no longuer be denied dhe appearance, hware it so peculiarly pozesses dhe reallity, ov dubbling az wel az depressing its power. No more dhen can be confounded dhe aspirates ov _oath_, _oadhs_; ov _bath_, _badhs_, and _badhe_; ov _Otho_ and _oddher_, _Clotho_ and _clodhier_, _dhis thing_ and _dhat thing_; _dheze things_ and _dhoze things_: misaspiracion wil no more embarras, dhan misarraingement, _Dhe Theater_.

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6. OV REDUNDANT SERVILES.

If _defiscience_ ov symbols hav been so ezily and so amply exampelled; a ballance may be proffered in _redundance_; ov consonants, no les dhan ov serviles. Hwen evvery mute minnister waz supplied to' vocallity; dhe hardening gard ov _g_, at least, shood not hav been forgotten. If _i_ waz indispensabel in _aingel_ and _dainger, u_ iz az recquizite in _anguel_ and _anguer_, az in _guerdon_. _Guet_ and _guiv_ demand dhe (_u_) hardener, az boldly az _gues_ and _guilt_. So redundance alreddy recalls, in order to' explode, _guess_ and _give!_ Widh dhis not onely _seeing_ (for _seing_) and dhe like; but dhe falsifying final ov _are_, _were_; _awe_, _owe_; _some_, _come_; _above_, _dove_, _love_, _glove_; _throve_, _drove_, _shrove_, _shove_, _hove_; for _ar_, _wer_; _aw_, _ow_; _som_, _com_; _abov_, _dov_, _lov_, _glov_; _throv_, _drov_, _shrov_, _shov_, _hov_: hwere _o_ for _u_ guivs to' the ear, _sum_ distinctive, widh _cum_, _abuv_, and dhe rest.

Superfluous, dhence obstructive, (distractive indeed!) dhe _i_ ov _either_, _neither_; _heifer_ and _friend_; dhe _o_ ov _people_ and _yeoman_; _leopard_ and _jeopard_; dhe _u_ ov _eulogy_, az ov _eulogium_; ov _conduit_, vertually _cundit_: _a_, obviously useles, after an oddherwize open vowel, in _season_, _reason_, _treason_, _treacle_, _creature_; in _eave_, _heave_, _weave_, _leave_, _cleave_, _reave_, _greave_; _cease_, _lease_, _crease_, _grease_; _teaze_, _ease_, _please_; like dhe _e_ final to' _sieve_, _grieve_, _relieve_, _receive;_ dhe second _e_ in _sleeve_, _geese_, _fleece_, _freeze_, _breeze_, _squeeze_, _cheese_: for _edher_, _nedher_; _heffer_, _frend_; _pepel_ and _yeman_, _leppard_, and _jeppard_; _ellogy_, az _elogium_; widh _condit_: so _sezon_, _rezon_, _trezon_, _trekel_, _creture_; _eve_, _heve_, _weve_, _leve_, _cleve_, _reve_, _greve_; _cese_, _lese_, _crese_, _grese_; _teze_, _eze_, _pleze_: _siev_, _griev_, _reliev_, _receiv_; _sleve_, _guese_, _flece_, _freze_, _breze_, _squeze_, _cheze_. But, like dhe _i_ ov _heifer_ and _friend_, dhe _o_ ov _leopard_ and _jeopard_; dhe _u_ ov _eulogy_; iz dhe _a_ ov _leap_-year and ov _neap_-tide; for _lep_-year and _nep_-tide; nay, shamefoolly, like dhe superfluity in all dheze, haz dhe _a_ hiddherto' remained in _health_, _wealth_, and _stealth_; becauz it stil iz nescessary in _heal_, _weal_, and _steal_! and doutles, for som simmilarly cogent rezon, doz kind _a_ continnue to' gard dhe same _shut vowel_! in _realm_, _earl_, _pearl_; _earn_, _learn_; _early_, _earnest_; _earth_, _dearth_, _hearth_, _heard_, _hearse_, _rehearse_, _searce_, _search_, _threat_, _deaf_, _dead_, _head_, _bread_, _tread_, _dread_, _thread_, _stead_, _lead_, _read_; _ready_, _steady_, _heady_, _meadow_; _zealous_, _jealous_, _weapon_, _leaven_, _heaven_, _endeavour_; _pleasure_, _measure_, _treasure_, _leasure_ or _leisure_! for _helth_, _welth_, _stelth_; _relm_, _erl_, _perl_; _ern_, _lern_; _erly_, _ernest_; _erth_, _derth_, _herth_, _herd_, _herse_, _reherse_, _serce_, _serch_; _thret_, _def_, _ded_, _hed_, _bred_, _tred_, _dred_, _thred_, _sted_, _led_, _red_; _reddy_, _steddy_, _heddy_, _meddow_; _zellous_, _jellous_; _weppon_, _levven_, _hevven_, _endevvor_, _plezzure_, _mezzure_, _trezzure_, _lezzure_.

How (alas!) wil BRITTISH LIBBERTY moarn her novvel chains, hwen she must not onely speak az she thinks, but write as she speaks; hwen _rove_, _lov_, and _moov_, can chime no more togueddher; hwen _lead_ and _led_, _read_ and _red_, _live_ and _liv_, _tear_ and _tair_, ar found oppozite, az _East_ and _West_; nay, az open and shut vowels!

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7. OV IMPRACTICABEL ARTICULACION.

No les embarrassing iz dhe redundance ov impracticabel articulacion, iniscial, medial, or final, (in dhe beguinning, middel, or end, ov words:) dhe first indeed chiefly in forrain names, titels, or terms, hware a consonant, uncombinabel (mediately or immediately) widh a vowel, remains a ded rellic: az dhe _c_ ov _czar_ (dho contracted from _Cezar_), dhe _p_ ov _Ptollemy_ (mere _Tollemy_), or _ptisic_ (for _tizzic_), dhe _b_ ov _bdellium_, herd onely _dellium_; and even dhe _p_ ov psalm, herd but _sahm_, dho dhe _l_ be stil audibel in _psalmist_ and _psalmody_, all effective beside dhe labial (_p_).

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8. OV FALSE ASPIRACION.

But no exampel can warrant dhe aspiring ideller, dhat pretends to' lead _heir_, _heritage_, _heritable_, _heritor_; _herb_, _herbage_, _herbalist_; _honour_, _honorary_, _honourable_; and even dhe _humble humour_ ov dhe _passing hour_; insted ov _eir_, _erritage_, _erritabel_, _erritor_; _erb_, _erbage_, _erbalist_; _onnor_, _onnorary_, _onnorabel_; widh dhe _umbel umor_ ov dhe prezzent _our_; hwich doutles can alone be called _our our_. Yet aspiracion cannot be denied to' _inherrit_, _inherritance_, _inherritor_, _heredditary_.

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9. DHE GUTTURAL ASPIRATE LOST, OR TRANSMUTED BY MODDERN ORGANS.

Dhe consonants dhat subjoin aspiracion (_h_), ar dhe labial, dental, lingual, and guttural; or dhe articculants from dhe lips, teeth, tung, and throat: _p_, _t_, _s_, and _k_; by dhe Lattins turned into _c_: az in _Philadelphus_ and _Philadelphia_, _Thales_ and _Thalia_, _Sharon_ and _Sheba_, _Charon_ and _Chilo_, hoom dhe Inglish, havving smoodhed away dhe aspiracion, ar fain to' call _Caron_ and _Kilo_.

Aincient organs, howevver, dubbelled occazionally dhe guttural, az wel az dhe labial aspirate; dooing equal justice to' _Bacchus_ and to' _Sappho_: moddern also, (peculiarly the Inglish,) dhe oddher two'; dhe simpel always sufficing to' dubbel dhe aspirate. New dialects softening, lost dhe guttural aspirate; til dhe Spannish probbably recovvered it from dhe Morish. The Itallian and Spannish, and from dhem dhe Inglish, endevvored to' make up dhe los, by prefixing dhe simpel dental to' dhe lingual or sibbilant aspirate, hwich dhe Gallic ear preferred widhout dhe dental; preferring dherfor dhe vertual _sh_ and _zh_ to' _tsh_ and _dzh_. Inglish organs loozing, like French, dhe guttural aspirate, edher dropt dhe aspiracion, az in _carracter_ and _kemmist_ or _kymmist_; from _character_ and _chemist_ or _chymist_; or turned dhe hoal ruf guttural into' dhe smoodh labial aspirate. So softening _cough_, _hough_, _trough_, _through_, _though_; _rough_, _tough_, _slough_, _chough_, widh dhe proppers _Hough_, _Brough_, and _Loughborough_; into' _cof_, _hof_, _trof_; _throo_ or _thro'_, and _dho_: _ruf_, _tuf_, _sluf_, _chuf_; _Huf_, _Bruf_, and _Lufburrough_ or _Lufburrow_. But _Gough_ perhaps Orrigin recalled into' _Goffe_ or _Gof_; hwile _Lough_ became Inglishly _Luf_, and dhe guttural graddually melted in _burrow_, ov hwatevver kind.

Aincient ellocucion depressed no aspirate; sattisfied widh _ph_ or _f_, _th_, _sh_, and _kh_ or _ch_; widhout _bh_ or _v_, _dh_, _zh_ or _gh_. Dhe labial aspirate gennerated dhe Eollic digamma F (howevver turned), hwich by and by gave birth to' dhe Lattin V. If primmitive tungs gain dhus at length won depressive aspirate; succeding expression, particcularly dhe Inglish, came to' dubbel dhe depressive _v_ az wel az dhe direct _ph_ or _f_. French articculacion havving no more occazion for such dubbling dhan her parent Lattin, dhe Inglish acute or sharp accent askt it _evvery_ moment; but seing no _prescedent_ in oddher picturage, forbore to' _exhibbit_ it, even until dhe _prezzent our_, dhat Inglish anallogy, matured at last, rezolved to' be _seen_, az wel az _herd_; to' reggulate practice by theory, and realize theory in practice.

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10. DHE OLD ASPIRATE OV R.

Som Greeks, followed by som Lattins, fancied to' ad rufnes to' dhe licquid _R_, or to' paint its innate rufnes more foarcibly, by subjoining aspiracion. Hence rushed dhe _Rhine_ and dhe _Rhone_, dhe _Rhemi_ and _Rheims_, _Rhoda_ and _Rhodes_; _rhomb_, _rhumb_, _rheum_, and _rhubarb_. Dhe _Rhine_ brought _Rhenish_; az _rhythmus_ _rhythm_, _rhyme_ and _rhime_; til at length harmonious _rezon_ introduced _rime_, boath into' French and Inglish; hwence dhe regennerated _Rine_, pouring purified _Rennish_, rouzed dhe rappid _Rone_ to' rezistles emmulacion; brought _Roda_ to' _Rodes_, and _rubarb_ to' _reumatism_. Dhe verry _rinosceros_ disdains now alike to' ruffen hiz horn widh adscitiscious snorting, and to' stifel even hiz moddern sibbilacion.

Hwen dhe guttural aspirate lost dhe aspiracion, dhe simpel guttural alone cood remain: az in _Caron_, _Kiron_, _Akilles_, _Cloe_, _Cronus_; widh _carracter_, _corus_, and _coral_, stil quite clear ov _corral_: wonce seen, because wonce herd, _Charon_, _Chiron_, _Achilles_, _Chloe_, _Chronus_, _character_, _chorus_, and _choral_.

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11. ODDHER ANTIQUATED IDELLERS.

Among medial idellers, hiddherto', not onely suffered, but sanccioned, even after parental ejeccion, ar[3] dhe _s_ ov _isle_; _l_ ov _fault_ and _vault_, _p_ ov _receipt_, _b_ ov _debt_ and _doubt; c_ ov _perfect_ and _verdict_[3]; here at last fairly seen _ile_, _faut_, _vaut_, _receit_, _det_, _dout_, _perfet_, _verdit_. Alike idel iz dhe raddical _g_ ov _feign_ and _deign_, for _fein_ and _dain_; and, werse (if possibel) dhan idel, dhe _g_ ov _foreign_ and _sovereign_, for _forrain_ and _sovverain_, from _forain_ and _souverain_; az dheze from _foraneus_ and _supraneus_.

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12. FINAL FANTOMS, OR DUBBLERS OV FINAL FORMS.

How manny final fantoms, in articculating shape, must Truiths torch beam away! how manny dubblers ov a singuel clozer, espescially _l_, _f_, _s_, and _c_! az _ill_, _off_, _ass_, _back_; so _err_, _inn_, _ebb_, _add_, _odd_, _egg_: really no more, nor capabel ov being more, dhan _il_, _of_, _as_, _bac_; _er_, _in_, _eb_, _ad_, _od_, _eg_. _Shall_, for _shal_, doz addiscional mischief, by inviting ignorance to' brauden dhe vowel.

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13. ODDHER FALSIFIERS, MEDIAL OR FINAL, OV LICQUIDS OR SIBBILANTS; PARTICCULARLY, _TI_ FOR A SIBBILACION.

Our misrepprezented consonants seem reducibel to' dheze. 1. Licquid for licquid: _l_ for _r_, in dhe French _colonel_ for dhe Inglish _curnel_; _n_ for _m_, in dhe unutterabel _Banff_, for dhe good town ov _Bamf_. Here too may enter for explozion, dhe _n_ ov dhe indeffinite artikel, hweddher before a licquefaccion or an aspiracion; nedher ov hwich iz a vowel: so can we no more say _an unicorn_ dhan _an horse_, for _a unicorn_ or _a horse_. 2. Direct for depressive; _f_ for _v_, in _of_ for _ov_; _s_ for _z_, in _as_, _has_, _was_, _is_, _his_; for _az_, _haz_, _waz_, _iz_, _hiz_: in dhe verbs, _house_, _use_, _peruse_, _abuse_, _excuse_, _amuse_, like _muse_, noun or verb; _chuse_ or _choose_, widh dhe _dubbly_ fallacious _lose_ and _vase_: for _houz_ (like _brouz_), _uze_, _peruze_, _abuze_, _excuze_, _amuze_, _muze_, _chuze_ or _chooz_, _looz_, and _vauz_. Dhe verbs dhus, duly sevvered from dhe nouns, lead to' distinguish dhe verb _refuze_ from dhe adjective _refuse_, az wel az from dhe substantive _reffuse_. _Profuze_ and _profuse_, _diffuze_ and _diffuse_, ar simmilarly distinguishabel. Az we saw _s_ play _dubbel z_ in _visit_ and _vision_, for _vizzit_ and _vizzion_; so see we dubbel _s_ for _z_ in dhe middel, and for won _s_ in dhe end ov _possess_, for _pozes_; hwich hwile oppozite stres secures to' dhe ear from dhe formative ov _poze_, az _cares_ from dhat ov _care_, dhe context may wel guide dhe eye ov attension to' dhe undouted meaning. No wonder if dhe direct figgure ov dhe sibbilant frenchly _rose_, and _occasionally rises_, for dhe depressive reallity; _s_ for _z_ in _rose_ and _rises_, _occasionally_ between vowels; for _occazionally roze_ and _rizes_; nay for dhe dubbel depressive in _risen_, for _rizzen_. Dhis rivals indeed _Stephen_ for _Steven_, and even _nephew_ for _nevvew_. If _Stephanus_ pretended to' pattronize dhe won, _neveu_ (not _nepos_) must command dhe oddher.

But dhe French acaddemy, so exemplary in evvery exhibiscion ov its language, set nohwere so fatal or so followed an exampel, az in pretending to' conjure _ti_ into' _si_ before a vowel: a combinacion indeed! hwich Inglish picturage ventured onely to' constitute, raddher substitute, a sibbilant aspirate; dhe same groop _condition_ prezenting in won picturage _condicion_; and dhence in dhe oddher _condiscion_. Yet French led not Inglish into' dhe dissolucion ov _x_ into' _ct_, in _flexion_, _reflexion_; hwich dhe former nevver violated into' _flection_, _reflection_, or dhe like.

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14. DHE ORTHOGGRAPHY OV PROPPER NAMES.

Innocent howevver wer oddher tungs ov mispainting, az ov mispronouncing dhe dental aspirate; hwich not attempting to' substanciate even direct, far les depressive, dhey aught not, at least need not, to' paint at all: az dhe French _Tomas_, if les like hiz parent dhan _Thomas_, wood be so much liker himself; hwile _Tommas_ alone can tel Inglish truith.

But dhat _Tommas_, dho a gennerous confessor ov conviccion, iz not dhe alone Brittish truith-teller; dhat he iz rivalled indeed by evvery oddher propper aincient and moddern, can be no novvelty to' anny crittic ov litterary natturalizement; hoo must onnor at wonce dhe, hware possibel, prezerved ennergy ov orrigin; and dhe inviolate prezzervacion ov Inglish anallogy; in dhe unchainged compannions ov _Euphrates_, _Darius_, _Heraclitus_, _Berea_, _Thalia_, and dhe rest; az wel az in dhe irreffragabel buties ov _Horrace_, _Terrence_, _Cezar_, _Ciscero_, _Senneca_, _Soccrates_, _Democcritus_, _Empeddocles_, _Heroddotus_, no les dhan ov _Jon_, _Phillip_, _Robbert_, _Parris_, widh _Hellen_, _Elizzabeth_, and dheir oddher Anglicized frends.

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15. DHE FUNDAMENTAL PRINCIPEL OV ORTHOGGRAPHY.

Such iz dhe system ov INGLISH ORTHOGGRAPHY, braught widhin dhe compas ov a few pages, on dhe unfailing principel, hwich aught to' govvern evvery plan ov litterary improovment: first, to' make no chainge dhat can rascionally be avoided; and dhen to' make precisely evvery variacion, from vulgar practice, dhat can be demonstrated indispensabel. Nor iz dhis aught else dhan a completed minniature ov INGLISH PROPRIETY _ascertained in her picture_: two quarto-vollumes graciously received by hiz prezzent Brittish Madjesty, from dhe same umbel hands; at St. Jameses, in 1786.

DHE END.

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THE ORTHOGRAPHIC RIDDLE.

PREFACE.

These emanations of the British Muse, Where English thoughts could English dress refuse, Were once presented to another press, Though thence borne back, as hopeless of success. What honest critic e'er could credit eligible, Riddles to his researches unintelligible? When ready caution guards the lit'rate realm, Never shall foreign floods these isles o'erwhelm: Orthography the mother-tongue shall give, Ever, as every where, with Truth to live; Truth, Reason, Beauty shall o'erspread the nation; Shall solve the RIDDLE, with one contemplation.

The public monitor of truth, Sworn enemy to what's uncouth, With blockheads similarly spells, (Orthography with pleasure tells) That thus the force of ridicule Should laugh the learned back to school. What then should cause that laughter strange? What should occasion gen'ral change?

Orthography the answer gives, To satisfy whoever lives. The honest will confess the pity, Court, country, citadel with city; That ancients, with the giddy young, Should study still the Latin tongue; Should leave to levity, to dolour, The unproficient English scholar; Should give the very stranger dread, Of gibberish, that ne'er was read; That ne'er was heard, without derision, Eschewing ocular revision.

This one example well will prove, Will lib'ral laughter doubtless move: When Pedantry shall cease to swell, Honour'd Humility will spell. The beauty then, of British truth, Resistless shall enamour youth; Shall evidence th' asseveration, Throughout th' etymologic nation; That one poetic exhibition Could, without lit'ral intuition, Fill ev'ry literary article, Though never spell one single particle: Could faithfully the whole present, Without[5] once shad'wing what were meant.

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DHE SOLUCION OV DHE ORTHOGRAPPHIC RIDDEL.

PREFFACE.

Dheze emmanacions ov dhe Brittish Muze, Hware Inglish thaughts cood Inglish dres refuze, Wer wonce prezented to' anoddher pres, Dho dhence bor'n bac az hopeles ov succes. Hwat onnest crittic ehr cood creddit elligibel, Riddels to' hiz reserches unintelligibel? Hwen steddy caucion gards dhe litt'rate relm, Nevver shal forrain fluds dheze iles o'rhwelm: Orthoggraphy dhe moddher-tung shal guiv, Evver, az evv'rihware, widh Truith to' liv; Truith, Rezon, Buty shal o'rspred dhe nacion; Shal solv dhe RIDDEL, widh won contemplacion.

Dhe pubblic monnitor ov truith, Swor'n ennemy to' hwat'z uncooth, Widh blockheds simmilarly spels, (Orthoggraphy widh plezzure tels) Dhat dhus dhe foarce ov riddicule Shood laf dhe lerned bac to' scool. Hwat dhen shood cauz dhat lafter strainge? Hwat shood occazion genn'ral chainge?

Orthoggraphy dhe anser guivs, To' sattisfy hooevver livs. Dhe onnest wil confes dhe pitty, Coart, contry, cittadel widh citty; Dhat aincients, widh dhe guiddy yong, Shood studdy stil dhe Lattin tung; Shood leve to' levvity, to' dollor, Dhe unprofiscient Inglish scollar; Shood guiv dhe verry strainger dred, Ov guibberish, dhat nehr waz red; Dhat nehr waz herd widhout derizzion, Eskewing occular revizzion.

Dhis won exampel wel wil proov, Wil libb'ral lafter doutles moov: Hwen Peddantry shal cese to' swel, Onnor'd Humillity wil spel. Dhe buty dhen, ov Brittish truith, Rezistles shal enammor yooth; Shal evvidence dh' assevveracion, Thro'out dh' etymmolodgic nacion; Dhat won poettic exhibiscion Cood, widhout litt'ral intuiscion, Fil evv'ry litterary artikel, Dho nevver spel won singuel partikel: Cood faithfoolly dhe hoal prezent, Widhout[6] wonce shadd'wing hwat wer ment.

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NOTES

[1] If not vulgarized from _batteller_.

[2] Ov _mow_ dhe vowel and servile coalesce, (az in _sow_,) into' a dipthong, in dhe compound noun _barley-mow_.

[3] From dhe old barbarous French _isle_[4], _faulte_, _voulte_, _recepte_, _debte_, _doubte_; _parfaict_, _vraidict_: now duly _île_, _faute_, _voute_, _recette_, _dette_, _doute_, _parfait_, and _vraidit_ from _verè dictum_.

[4] Inglish propriety, and indeed common-sense, must also protest against two' late _misnomers: Th'isleworth_ for _Thistelworth_; and dhe forrain affectacion ov _St. Mary la bonne_ (or even _borne_) for _Marribone_.

[5] Without one particle, representing what is read.

[6] Widhout won partikel, repprezenting hwat iz red.