Part 3
“You have not enough devil in you, Abe, to succeed in the task you have undertaken,” said a bosom friend of the President’s. “Well, blame my old father,” said the President, “for it was he who left the _l_ (hell) out of Abe--Ab(_l_)e.”
_Sojourner Truth._
When Sojourner Truth visited the present occupant of the White House, the President gave him a most hearty welcome. “Lies,” said he, “are pictured as being black as Erebus; but thou, _Truth_, art black also.” The most numerous lies, said the sable skin, are _white lies_.
_The National Debt._
“I have come to consult you on the enormous increase of our national debt,” said Chase to his master; “but perhaps you would rather I deferred it for the present?” “By no means,” was the reply; “_its great interest_ claims my most devout attention.”
_Falsely Telegraphed._
When it was falsely telegraphed that Charlestown was in flames, the President explained his disbelief by saying that he believed it was a _flaming_ lie!
_The Sword and the Law._
The President was lamenting to a lawyer the immense number who fell at the battle of ----. The lawyer, to soothe him, said “That those who live by the sword must expect to die by the sword!” “Yes,” said Abe; “and those who live by the law must expect to die by the law.”
_Pepper_ v. _Laurels._
When it was telegraphed that Rosencranz had gone to _Cullpepper_, Abe said “It was a foolish errand, and that the general was sent out to _cull laurels_.”
_Abe at the Play._
Abe, who is very fond of theatricals, went, upon a recent occasion, to the theatre to see a new play. The friend, who was with him, remarked upon the thinness of the house, and said he supposed it was owing to the war. “No,” replied the jester; “it is not owing to the war, it is owing to the _piece_.”
_Abe and the Officer._
A craven-hearted officer was boasting the other day to Lincoln of the wounds he had received in his face. The President, however, knowing him to be a coward, told him he had better take care the next time he ran away how he looked back.
_Anecdote._
At a dinner the President recently gave at the White House, he was much amused by the following anecdote, related by one of the officers who had just returned from a northern victory. During the battle the rain came pouring down to such an extent that he remarked to a companion, who stood by, (an Irishman) that it reminded him of the _general deluge_. “And faith,” says Pat, “who’s that? I never heard of that general before.”
_The Scotch Editor._
At this same dinner party there was a Scotchman, an editor of one of the northern newspapers. Opposite to him, at the table, sat a gentleman who had indulged pretty freely in his cups. In the course of conversation he asked the Scotchman “What was the difference between a Scott and a Lot?” To this the Scotchman replied, that “the difference lay in the breadth of the table.”
_The Senator._
A certain senator, not the highest ornament to the White House, had a custom of shaking his head when another member spoke. The speaker complained of this as an affront. The President, however, took it good humouredly, and assured his friend that although the gentleman often shook his head, there was nothing in it.
_Common Sense._
A fop, who was in a company where the President attended, was boasting that he had every _sense_ in perfection. Old Abe, however, hinted to a friend “that there was one sense which he wanted, and that was _common sense_.”
_The Epitaph._
An officer of the northern army who was remarkable for the brilliancy of his fireworks, not connected with war, was speaking of the beauty of an epitaph, written upon a friend of his, who had fallen in battle. His friend was fond of music; and the officer said he is gone to that place where only his own harmony can be exceeded. The President slyly hinted that the same might serve for him by only altering one word--“He is gone to that place where only his own fireworks can be excelled.”
_A Metaphor._
Abe had a book sent to him by a certain author, “_Le Journal Janet_,” with a passage in it; that the author thought might be justified, and said it was a metaphor. “Well,” said the President, “it is such an one as I never _met-a-fore_.”
WORKS PUBLISHED
BY
FARRAH,
282, STRAND, LONDON, W.C.
THE PROPHET OF NAZARETH, or a Critical Inquiry into the Prophetical, Intellectual, and Moral Character of Jesus Christ, as exemplified in his Predictions, his Precepts, his Actions, his Discourses, and his Social intercourse. By EVAN POWELL MEREDITH. Baillie Prize Essay. Price 12s. 6d.
LETTERS, CONVERSATIONS, AND RECOLLECTIONS of S. T. Coleridge. Edited by THOMAS ALLSOP. Third Edition, 2s. 6d.
PHILOSOPHY AND RELIGION of the Bible. By W. J. BIRCH. Price 5s.
CUMMING WRONG; COLENSO RIGHT. Letters by a London Zulu. Price 6d.
NEW RELIGIOUS THOUGHTS. By D. CAMPBELL. Price 3s. 6d.
PERSONAL NARRATIVE IN LETTERS, Principally from Turkey. By Professor NEWMAN. Price 1s. 6d.
MIRABAUD’S SYSTEM OF NATURE. Price 5s.
VOLNEY’S RUINS OF EMPIRES. Price 3s.
THE LIBERAL SITUATION; Necessity for a Qualified Franchise. By G. J. HOLYOAKE. Price 6d.
LOGIC OF DEATH. By G. J. HOLYOAKE. 57th Thousand. Price 1d. & 2d.
LOGIC OF LIFE. By G. J. HOLYOAKE. Price 2d.
BROOK’S CYCLOPÆDIA OF BOTANY, Illustrated with 600 Coloured Engravings of Plants, &c. 2 vols. Cloth, Gilt, £1 1s.
RICHARD CARLISLE’S MANUAL OF FREEMASONRY. Price 2s. 6d.
THOMAS COOPER’S PURGATORY OF SUICIDES. Price 3s. 6d.
EIGHT LETTERS to the Young Men of the Working Classes. Price 6d.
CONFESSIONS OF JEAN JACQUES ROUSSEAU, with Preface. By G. J. HOLYOAKE. Price 1s. 6d.
BIBLE OF THE REFORMATION REFORMED. By JOHN FINCH. Price 5s.
LOGIC OF FACTS. By G. J. HOLYOAKE. Price 1s.
TRIAL OF THEISM. By G. J. HOLYOAKE. Price 2s.
LAST TRIAL FOR ALLEGED ATHEISM. By G. J. HOLYOAKE. Price 1s.
LETTERS TO THE CLERGY OF ALL DENOMINATIONS. By C. J. HASLAM. Price 2s. 6d.
LETTERS TO THE BISHOP OF EXETER. By C. J. HASLAM. Price 2s. 6d.
NEW KORAN. By JAIDO MORATO. Price 2s. 6d.
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TEN SERMONS. By HORATIO PRATER. Price 1s. 6d.
LETTERS TO AMERICANS ON CHRISTIANITY AND THE SABBATH. By HORATIO PRATER. Price 1s. and 1s. 6d.
THEOLOGY FOR THE PEOPLE. By E. de PENTHENY O’KELLY. Price 1s.
PALMER’S PRINCIPLES OF NATURE. Price 1s. 6d. and 2s.
THEODORE PARSER’S EXPERIENCE AS A MINISTER. Price 1s. and 1s. 6d.
BREAD UPON THE WATERS. By THEODORE PARKER, Price 1s.
REASONS FOR ABSTAINING FROM INTOXICATING LIQUORS. By SOARES. Price 3d.
TREATISE ON POLITICS. By SPINOZA. Translated from the Latin. Price 1s.
RELIGION OF ACTION. By DR. STAMM. Price 6d.
LECTURES ON HISTORY. By VOLNEY. Price 1s.
POPULAR LECTURES. By FRANCES WRIGHT. Price 2s.
A FEW DAYS IN ATHENS. By FRANCES WRIGHT. Price 1s. and 1s. 6d.
POLITICAL LETTERS. By FRANCES WRIGHT. Price 2s.
SONGS AND RECITATIONS (just published.) By JOHN BEDFORD LENO. With original Music, by JOHN LOWRY. Price 6d.
REPORT of the DISCUSSION ON SPIRITUALISM, between J. H. POWELL, Editor of the “Spiritual Times,” and JOHN BEDFORD LENO. Price 3d.
FEMALE LABOUR. By JOHN BEDFORD LENO. Price 1d.
TRANSCRIBER’S NOTES:
Italicized text is surrounded by underscores: _italics_.
Obvious typographical errors have been corrected.
The “Works Published” list is separated in the original as front matter and back matter. The two parts have been consolidated into one list for this eBook.