Part 3
All ye Poets of the Age, All ye Witlings of the Stage, Learn your Jingles to reform; Crop your Numbers, and conform: Let your little Verses flow Gently, sweetly, Row by Row: Let the Verse the Subject fit; Little Subject, Little Wit: _Namby Pamby_ is your Guide; _Albion_'s Joy, _Hibernia_'s Pride. _Namby Pamby Pilli-pis_, Rhimy pim'd on Missy-Miss; _Tartaretta Tartaree_ From the Navel to the Knee; That her Father's Gracy-Grace Might give him a Placy-Place. He no longer writes of Mammy _Andromache_ and her Lammy Hanging panging at the Breast Of a Matron most distrest. Now the Venal Poet sings Baby Clouts, and Baby Things, Baby Dolls, and Baby Houses, Little Misses, Little Spouses; Little Play-Things, Little Toys, Little Girls, and Little Boys: As an Actor does his Part, So the Nurses get by Heart _Namby Pamby_'s Little Rhimes, Little Jingle, Little Chimes, To repeat to Little Miss, Piddling Ponds of Pissy-Piss; Cacking packing like a Lady, Or Bye-bying in the Crady. _Namby Pamby_ ne'er will die While the Nurse sings _Lullabye_. _Namby Pamby_'s doubly Mild, Once a Man, and twice a Child; To his Hanging-Sleeves restor'd; Now he foots it like a Lord; Now he Pumps his little Wits; } Sh--ing Writes, and Writing Sh--s, } All by little tiny Bits. } Now methinks I hear him say, } _Boys and Girls, Come out to Play, } Moon do's shine as bright as Day._ } Now my _Namby Pamby_'s found Sitting on the _Friar's Ground_, _Picking Silver, picking Gold_, _Namby Pamby_'s never Old. _Bally-Cally_ they begin, _Namby Pamby_ still keeps-in. _Namby Pamby_ is no Clown, _London-Bridge is broken down_: Now he _courts the gay Ladee, Dancing o'er the Lady-Lee_: Now he sings of _Lick-spit Liar Burning in the Brimstone Fire; Lyar, Lyar, Lick-spit, lick, Turn about the Candle-stick_: Now he sings of _Jacky Horner_ _Sitting in the Chimney corner, Eating of a Christmas-Pie, Putting in his Thumb, _Oh, fie!_ Putting in, _Oh, fie!_ his Thumb, Pulling out, _Oh, strange!_ a Plum._ And again, how _Nancy Cock_, Nasty Girl! _besh-t her Smock_. Now he acts the _Grenadier_, Calling for _a Pot of Beer_: _Where's his Money? He's forgot; Get him gone, a Drunken Sot._ Now on _Cock-horse_ does he ride; And anon on Timber stride. _See-and-Saw and Sacch'ry down, London is a gallant Town._ Now he gathers Riches in Thicker, faster, Pin by Pin; _Pins a-piece to see his Show_; Boys and Girls flock Row by Row; From their Cloaths the Pins they take, Risque a Whipping for his sake; From their Frocks the Pins they pull, To fill _Namby_'s Cushion full. So much Wit at such an Age, Does a Genius great presage. Second Childhood gone and past, Shou'd he prove a Man at last, What must Second Manhood be, In a Child so Bright as he!
Guard him, ye Poetic Powers; Watch his Minutes, watch his Hours: Let your Tuneful _Nine_ Inspire him; Let Poetic Fury fire him: Let the Poets one and all To his Genius Victims fall.
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* * * * * * * * *
PROPOSALS
For Printing by Subscriptions,
The Antiquities of _Grub-street_:
With OBSERVATIONS Critical, Political, Historical, Chronological, Philosophical, and Philological.
By { JOHN WALTON and } { JAMES ANDREWS } Gent.
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This WORK will be Printed on a Superfine Royal Paper, in Ten Volumes, _Folio_: Each Volume to contain an Hundred Sheets; besides Maps, Cuts, and other proper Illustrations.
The Price to _Subscribers_ is Fifty Guinea's each Set: Half Down, and Half on Delivery.
No more to be Printed than what are Subscribed for.
_Subscribers_ for Six Sets, have a Seventh _gratis_, as usual.
The _Subscribers_ Names and Coats of Arms will be prefix'd to the Work.
For those who are particularly Curious, some Copies will be Printed on Vellum, Rul'd and Illuminated, they paying the Difference.
It is not doubted but this Great UNDERTAKING will meet with Encouragement from the Learned World, several Noble Persons having already Subscribed.
SUBSCRIBERS are _Taken-in_ by the _Authors_, and most _Noted_ Booksellers in _London_, &c.
_N. B._ The very _Cuts_ are worth the Money; there being, _inter alia_, above 300 curious Heads of Learned Authors, on large Copper-Plates, engraven by Mr. _Herman van Stynkenvaart_, from the Paintings, Busto's, and Basso-Relievo's of the Greatest Masters.
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* * * * * * * * *
ADVERTISEMENT
To all Gentlemen Booksellers, and others.
At the House with Stone-Steps and Sash-Windows in _Hanover-Court_ in _Grape-Street_, vulgarly call'd _Grub-Street_,
Liveth an _AUTHOR_,
Who Writeth all manner of Books and Pamphlets, in Verse or Prose, at Reasonable Rates: And furnisheth, at a Minute's Warning, any Customer with Elegies, Pastorals, Epithalamium's and Congratulatory Verses adapted to all manner of Persons and Professions, Ready Written, with Blanks to insert the Names of the Parties Address'd to.
He supplieth Gentlemen Bell-Men with Verses on all Occasions, at 12 _d._ the Dozen, or 10 _s._ the Gross; and teacheth them Accent and Pronunciation _gratis_.
He taketh any side of a Question, and Writeth For or Against, or both, if required.
He likewise Draws up Advertisements; and Asperses after the newest Method.
He Writeth for those who cannot Write themselves, yet are ambitious of being Authors; and will, if required, enter into Bonds never to own the Performance.
He Transmogrifieth _alias_ Transmigrapheth any Copy; and maketh many Titles to one Work, after the manner of the famous Mr. E---- C----
N. B. _He is come down from the Garret to the First Floor, for the Convenience of his Customers._
[->] _Pray mistake not the House; because there are many Pretenders there-abouts._
No Trust by Retale.
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PUDDING
and
DUMPLING
_Burnt to_ POT.
* * * * * * * * *
_Pudding_ and _Dumpling_ _Burnt to _POT_._
Or, A Compleat
K E Y
to the DISSERTATION on _DUMPLING_.
Wherein
All the MYSTERY of that dark Treatise is brought to Light; in such a Manner and Method, that the meanest Capacity may know who and who's together.
Published for the general Information of Mankind. By _J. W._ Author of 684 Treatises.
_Yhuchi! dandi ocatchu gao emousey._
_LONDON:_
_Printed and Sold by A. DODD, without _Temple-Bar_, and H. WHITRIDGE, the Corner of _Castle-Alley_, in _Cornhill_._ M.DCC XXVII. [_Price 6 d._]
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PREFACE
It very much surprizes me that six Editions of a Mythological Pamphlet, entituled, _A Dissertation on Dumpling_, should escape your Notice of that wonderful Unriddler of Mysteries the ingenious Mr. _E---- C---_ who has at the same Time given such Proofs of his Abilities in his many and most elaborate Keys to _Gulliver_'s Travels; Keys, which _Gulliver_ himself could never have found out! and withal, so pertinent, that I shall esteem those at the Helm, no great Lovers of Learning, if my Friend _Edmund_ be not forthwith promoted: for as the Sweetness of a Kernel is uncomatable, but by the Fracture of its Shell, so is the Beauty of a Mystery altogether hid, till the Expounder has riddlemayreed the Propounder's Problem, and render'd it obvious to the meanest Capacity.
The only Plea I can use in Mr. _C----'s_ behalf, is, that the Author of the Dissertation has been a little too free with his Character, which probably occasioned that Sullenness in our _British Oedipus_; who in Order to be revenged, has determined not to embelish the Work with his Interpretation, but rather let it rot and perish in Oblivion.
This, and nothing else, could be the Reason of so profound a Silence in so great a Mysterymonger, to remedy which Loss to the Publick, I an unworthy Scribler, and faint Copier of that great Artist, presume with aching Heart, and trembling Hand, to draw the Veil which shades the political Pamphlet in Question; and show it to my loving Countrymen in _Puris Naturalibus_.
If I succeed in this, I hope Mr. _L----t_, who all the World knows is a rare Chap to his Authors, will speedily employ me to unriddle, or at least make a Plot to the _Rival Modes_, which it seems the Author has omitted: it is true, he ought to have given it the Bookseller with the Copy, but has not so done, which makes me wonder he is not sued for Breach of Covenant; but what is that to me, if I get a Job by the Bargain? Let Booksellers beware how they buy Plays without Plots for the future.
I narrowly miss'd solving the Problem called _Wagner_ and _Abericock_; Mr. _B----_ had spoke to Mr. _W----_ to speak to Mr. _C----_, who had just consented to employ me, after having made me abate half my demand: But Houses running thin, _Colley_ had undertaken the Job himself to save Charges; intending at the same Time, to annex a severe Criticism on _Pluto_ and _Proserpine_.
This, gentle Reader, will, I hope, induce you to look on me as a Writer of some Regard, and at the same Time, to make a little Allowance for whatever Errors my great Hurry may occasion, being obliged to write Night and Day, Sundays and working Days, without the least Assistance. All our Journeymen Writers being now turned Masters, I am left to shift for my self; but am bringing up my Wife to the Business, and doubt not but a long War, and our mutual Industry, may rub off old Scores, and make us begin a new Reckoning with all Mankind; Pamphleteering having been so dead for many Years last past, that (God forgive me!) I have been oftentimes tempted to write Treason for mere Sustenance.
But Thanks to better Stars and better Days, the Pen revives, and Authors flourish; more Money can be made now of a Play, nay, though it be a scurvy One, than _Dryden_ got by all his Works. Therefore now or never is the Time to strike while the Iron is hot, to write my self out of Debt, and into Place, and then grow idle and laugh at the World, as my Betters have done before me.
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INTRODUCTION.
When a Book has met with Success, it never wants a Father; there being those good natured Souls in the World, who, rather than let Mankind think such Productions sprang of themselves, will own the Vagabond Brat, and thereby become Fathers of other Mens Offsprings.
This was the Fate of Dumpling, whose real Father did not take more Care to conceal himself, than some did to be thought its Author; but if any one will recollect the Time of its Publication, they will find it within a Week after the Arrival of D----n _S----t_, from _Ireland_; the Occasion, as I am very well informed, was this, the D----n, one of the first Things he did, went to pay a Visit to Mr. _T----_, his old Bookseller; but, to his Surprize, found both the Brothers dead, and a Relation in the Shop, to whom he was an utter Stranger. Mr. _M----_ for such is this Person's Name, gathering from the D--n's Enquiries who he was, paid him his _Devoirs_ in the most respectful Manner, solicited his Friendship, and invited him to a Dinner, which the D----n was pleased to accept. By the Way, you must know, he is a great Lover of Dumpling, as well as the Bookseller, who had ordered one for himself, little dreaming of such a Guest that Day. The Dinner, as 'twas not provided on purpose, was but a Family one, well enough however for a Bookseller; that is to say, a couple of Fowls, Bacon and Sprouts boiled, and a Forequarter of Lamb roasted. After the usual Complements for the unexpected Honour, and the old Apology of wishing it was better for his sake: The Maid, silly Girl! came and asked her Master if he pleased to have his Dumpling; he would have chid her, but the D----n mollified him, insisting at the same Time, upon the Introduction of Dumpling, which accordingly was done. Dumpling gave Cause of Conversation, but not till it was eat; for the Reader must understand, that both the Gentlemen play a good Knife and Fork, and are too mannerly to talk with their Mouths full. The Dumpling eat, as I said before, the D----n drank to the Bookseller, the Bookseller to the Author, and with an obsequious Smile, seem'd to say ah! Dear Doctor, you have been a Friend to my Predecessor, can you do nothing for me? The D--n took the Hint, and after a profound Contemplation, cry'd, Why ay--Dumpling will do--put me in Mind of Dumpling anon, but not a Word more at present, and good Reason why, Dinner was coming in. So they past the rest of the Meal with great Silence and Application, and no doubt dined well. Far otherwise was it with me that Day: I remember to my Sorrow, I had a Hogs Maw, without Salt or Mustard; having at that Time, Credit with the Pork-Woman, but not with the Chandler: Times are since mended, _Amen_ to the Continuance!
The D----n, having eat and drank plentifully, began his usual Pleasantries, and made the Bookseller measure his Ears with his Mouth; nay, burst his Sides with Laughter; however, he found Interval enough to remind the D----n of Dumpling, who asked him if he had a quick Hand at Writing: he excused himself, being naturally as Lazy as the other was Indolent, so they contrived to ease themselves by sending for a Hackney Writer out of _Temple Lane_ to be the D--'s _Amanuensis_, while he and his new Acquaintance crack'd t'other Bottle.
This Account may be depended upon, because I had it from the Man himself, who scorns to tell a Lye.
To be short, my Friend had the worst of it, being kept to hard Writing, without Drinking (Churls that they were) about three Hours; in which Time the Dissertation was finished, that is to say, from Page 1. to Page 25. the rest might probably be done at some other leisure Time, to fill up the Chinks, but of that he knows nothing; sufficient is it that the D----n was the Author. Proceed we now to the other Discoveries, by drawing the Veil from before the Book it self.
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A K E Y
to the DISSERTATION
on _DUMPLING_.
I Shall begin with his Motto, which says, _What is better than a Pudding?_ The Body owns its Power, the Mind, its Delicacy; it will give Youth to grey Hairs, and Life to the most Desponding: Therefore are Pudding Eaters of great Use in State Affairs.
This Quotation is of a Piece with his Motto to the Tale of a Tub, and other Writings; altogether Fictitious and Drole: he adds to the Jest, by putting an Air of Authority or genuine Quotation from some great Author; when alas! the whole is mere Farce and Invention.
The Dedication is one continued Sneer upon Authors, and their Patrons, and seems to carry a Glance of Derision towards Men of Quality in General; by setting a Cook above them, as a more useful Member in a body Politick. Some will have this _Braund_, to be Sir ****, others Sir ****, others Sir ****; but I take it to be more Railery than Mystery, and that Mr. _Braund_, at the _Rummer_ in _Queen-street_, is the Person; who having pleas'd the Author in two or three Entertainments, he, with a View truly _Epicurean_, constitutes him his _Maecenas_; as being more agreeable to him than a whole Circle of Stars and Garters, of what Colour or Denomination soever.
In his Tale of a Tub, he has a fling at Dependance, and Attendance, where he talks of a Body worn out with Poxes ill cured, and Shooes with Dependance, and Attendance. Not having the Book by me, I am forced to quote at Random, but I hope the courteous Reader will bear me out. He complains of it again in this Treatise, and makes a Complement to Mr. _Austin_, Mr. _Braund_'s late Servant; who keeps the _Braund_'s Head in _New Bond-street_, near _Hanover-Square_; a House of great Elegance, and where he used frequently to dine.
The Distinction of _Brand_, _Braund_, and _Barnes_, is a Banter on Criticks, and Genealogists, who make such a Pother about the Orthography of Names and Things, that many Times, three Parts in four of a Folio Treatise, is taken up in ascertaining the Propriety of a Syllable, by which Means the Reader is left undetermined; having nothing but the various Readings on a single Word, and that probably, of small Importance.
I heartily wish some of these Glossographists would oblige the World with a Folio Treatise or two, on the Word Rabbet: We shall then know whether it is to be spelt with an _e_, or an _i_. For, to the Shame of the _English_ Tongue and this learned Age, our most eminent Physicians, Surgeons, Anatomists and Men Midwives, have all been to seek in this Affair.
St. _Andre_, } _Howard_, } Spell it _Braithwaite_, } with _Ahlers_ and } an _e_. _Manningham_, }
_Douglas_ } and the } Spell it Gentleman who } with calls himself } an _i_. _Gulliver_, }
And some of these great Wits, have such short Memories, that they spell it both Ways in one and the same Page.
The Master-Key to this Mystery, is the Explanation of its Terms; for Example, by _Dumpling_ is meant a Place, or any other Reward or Encouragement. A _Pudding_ signifies a P----t, and sometimes a C----tee. A _Dumpling Eater_, is a Dependant on the Court, or, in a Word, any one who will rather pocket an Affront than be angry at a Tip in Time. A _Cook_ is a Minister of State. The _Epicurean_ and _Peripatetic_ Sects, are the two Parties of _Whigg_ and _Tory_, who both are greedy enough of Dumpling.
The Author cannot forbear his old Sneer upon Foreigners, but says, in his 1st Page, "That finding it a Land of Plenty, they wisely resolved never to go home again," and in his 2d, "Nay, so zealous are they in the Cause of _Bacchus_, that one of the Chief among them, made a Vow never to say his Prayers till he has a Tavern of his own in every Street in _London_, and in every Market-Town in _England_:" If he does not mean Sir J---- T---- I know not who he means.
By the Invention of _Eggs_, Page 4. is meant Perquisites. "He cannot conclude a Paragraph in his 5th _Page_, without owning he received that important Part of the History of Pudding, from old Mr. _Lawrence_ of _Wilsden Green_, the greatest Antiquary of the present Age."
This old _Lawrence_ is a great Favourite of the D--s; he is a facetious farmer, of above eighty Years of Age, now living at _Wilsden Green_, near _Kilburn_ in _Middlesex_, the most rural Place I ever saw: exactly like the Wilds of _Ireland_. It was here the D--n often retired _incog._ to amuse himself with the Simplicity of the Place and People; where he got together all that Rigmayroll of Childrens talk, which composes his _Namby Pamby_. Old _Lawrence_ told me, the D--n has sate several Hours together to see the Children play, with the greatest Pleasure in Life: The rest he learned from the old Nurses thereabouts, of which there are a great many, with whom he would go and smoke a Pipe frequently, and cordially; not in his Clergyman's Habit, but in a black Suit of Cloth Clothes, and without a Rose in his Hat: Which made them conclude him to be a Presbyterian Parson.
This Mention of old _Lawrence_, is in Ridicule to a certain great Artist, who wrote a Treatise upon the Word _Connoisseur_ (or a Knower) and confesses himself to have been many Years at a loss for a Word to express the Action of Knowing, till the great Mr. _Prior_ gave him Ease, by furnishing him with the Word _Connoissance_. Our D--n had drawn a Drole, Parallel to this, _viz._ _Boudineur_, a Pudding Pyeman; and _Boudinance_, the making of Pudding Pies: But several Men of Quality begging it off, it was, at their Request, scratch'd out, but my Friend, the _Amanuensis_, remembers particularly its being originally inserted.
If the Reader should ask, Who is that K-- _John_ mentioned in the fourth Page, and which I ought to have taken in its Place. I beg leave to inform him, that by K. _John_ is meant the late Q. ----, with whom the D-- of _M----_ was many Years in such great Favour, that he was nick named K. _John_; it was in that Part of the Q--'s Reign, that Sir _John_ Pudding, by whom is meant **** _you know who_, came in Favour; it is true, the Name is odd, and seems to carry an Air of Ridicule with it, but the Character given him by this allegorical Writer, is that of an able Statesman, and an honest Man.
And here, begging Mr. D--n's Pardon, I cannot but think his Wit has out run his Judgment; for he puts the Cart before the Horse, and begins at the latter Part of Sir **** Administration: But this might be owing to too plentiful a Dinner, and too much of the Creature. Be that as it will, I must follow my Copy, and explain it as it lies. Proceed we therefore to the Dissertation, _Page 6._
"But what rais'd our Hero most in the Esteem of this Pudding-eating Monarch, was his second Edition of Pudding, he being the first that ever invented the Art of broiling Puddings, which he did to such Perfection, and so much to the King's liking (who had a mortal Aversion to cold Pudding) that he thereupon instituted him Knight of the Gridiron, and gave him a Gridiron of Gold, the Ensign of that Order; which he always wore as a Mark of his Sovereign's Favour."
If this does not mean the late Revival of an ancient Order of Knighthood, I never will unriddle Mystery more: To prove which, we need but cross over to the next Page, where he tells us, "Sir _John_ had always a Squire, who followed him, bearing a huge Pair of Spectacles to saddle his Honour's Nose." _Diss. Page 7._
After this, he very severely runs upon those would-be Statesmen, who put themselves in Competition with his Favourite, Sir ****, with whom he became exceeding intimate, and almost inseperable, all the Time he was in _England_.
The Story of the Kit Cat Club, _Dick Estcourt_, and _Jacob Tonson_, is a mere Digression; and nothing more to the Purpose, than that we may imagine it came uppermost. He returns to his Subject in his 9th _Page_.
"Now it was Sir _John_'s Method, every _Sunday_ Morning, to give the Courtiers a Breakfast; which Breakfast was every Man his Dumpling, and Cup of Wine: For you must know, he was Yeoman of the Wine-Cellar at the same Time."
The Breakfast is Sir *** Levee, the Yeomanship of the Wine-Cellar, is the ***.
The Author of the Dissertation, is a very bad Chronologist; for at _Page_ 10. we are obliged to go back to the former Reign, where we shall find the lubberly Abbots (_i.e._) the High Church Priests, misrepresenting Sir _John_'s Actions, and never let the Q---- alone, till poor Sir _John_ was discarded.