SCENE VI.

THE PARLOUR.

COLONEL STUMPLY.

COL. [_Rubbing his hands._] Caught! caught! This is indeed a good day’s work.

_Enter SOPHIA, BARBARA, and HORATIA._

COL. Ah! ha! my pretty Jacobites, this comes of your plotting. The Pretender is in safe hands now. Who would have thought you up to such a conspiracy?

HORATIA. Alas, our unhappy Prince!

SOPHIA. [_Aside to HORATIA._] Poor Daresby! It makes my heart faint to think of him. I cannot stay to look on.

HORATIA. You must stay to keep him silent. ’Tis but for an hour. I am ashamed of you. Remember that you have a part to perform.

SOPHY. I cannot say what is not true.

HORATIA. Say nothing, then.

_Enter DARESBY guarded._

DARESBY. [_To the COL._] Sir, I demand an explanation of this most extraordinary and unjustifiable treatment. Sir, I am a gentleman and ... [_HORATIA makes earnest signs to him to be silent._]

COL. You shall be treated, Sir, with all the respect due to your station, consistent with your safe custody.

DARESBY. Of what am I charged? Who is my accuser? what wretch dares? [_HORATIA repeats the signs._] What is the meaning of all this nonsense? Do you wish to make a fool of me? I’ll not endure this ...

COL. Be calm, Sir, and submit to destiny.

DARESBY. I’ll not submit to such treatment. My name is ...

[_HORATIA in an agony throws herself at his feet, exclaiming_] O noble man! for the sake of all you love....

DARESBY. Horatia, I am in a dream. Sophy, of you I ask, I entreat, an explanation. Why am I thus confined? Why do you stand calmly looking on my disgrace?

SOPHY. Calmly! O Da ... [_Aside._] I cannot restrain my tears.

DARESBY. Are you too my enemy?

SOPHY. Your enemy! O!

DARESBY. [_To the COLONEL._] Are my political opinions suspected? Am I supposed to be a Ja....

HORATIA. You are known--you are known--to be--to be--to be ... [_Enter WEASEL._]

HORATIA. [_Springing to SOPHIA’S side._] O Sophy, for pity’s sake take that creature off, or....

SOPHY. Weasel, Weasel! [_Aside._] What can I say?

WEASEL. What! Dr. Da....

SOPHIA. Weasel, Weasel, will you go directly to the garden and fetch....

WEASEL. What, Miss?

SOPHIA. Fetch, fetch--some spinach.

WEASEL. Spinach don’t grow in November, Miss, as Dr....

HORATIA. Go to the village directly for....

WEASEL. Can’t go to the village no more, Miss, till I’ve laid the cloth for breakfast. The Doc....

HORATIA. We must have wine. Go to the cellar.

WEASEL. Haven’t got the keys, Miss. If I might make bold to ask why....

HORATIA. Begone this instant ... we shall want poultry. Wring every chicken’s neck in the yard, or I’ll wring yours as sure as I stand here! [_Exit WEASEL._]

COL. What an extraordinary temper!

DARESBY. Sophy, Sophy, if you are still the ingenuous being I ever believed you to be, tell me in what farce I am thus forced to act a part against my will. Tell me the secret of the conspiracy which seems formed against me. Are you an accessory?

COL. Why, the Ladies have been turning every stone in your defence! They never let out the secret! As far as they were concerned you might have remained in your vault until you were old enough to stay there altogether!

DARESBY. Every sentence that I hear bewilders me yet more. Ratty Rattleton, Ratty Rattleton, you are at the bottom of the plot.

_Enter MRS. JUDITH._

HORATIA. [_Aside._] Aunt Judy! this is distraction!

MRS. JUD. Young Daresby, my....

HORATIA. Aunt, Aunt....

MRS. JUD. What’s the matter?

HORATIA. The ... [_aside_] at last I seem come to my wits end! [_Aloud._] The....

DARESBY. Mrs. Judith Rattleton, you are my friend, you will bear witness....

HORATIA. The most important....

SOPHIA. O dear Aunt....

BARBARA. If you would only hold your tongue!

MRS. JUD. What a racket! what ... why....

DARESBY. Mrs. Judith, I am here charged with....

MRS. JUD. You, Daresby! Why, Colonel, this is....

COL. Not the Prince! Then he is concealed in the house! I see all; follow me, Guards ... [_SOPHY throws herself at his feet; HORATIA and BARBARA rush to the door._]

HORATIA. You shall pass over my corpse! I am desperate! [_The door suddenly opens. Enter CHARLES guarded by O’SHANNON and the CORPORAL._]

ALL THE YOUNG LADIES. The Prince! horrors! the Prince!

DARESBY. My chum, Charles Stumply!

CHARLES. My Father!

COL. Ah, Scapegrace! dare you present yourself before me? Under what false and shameful pretences have you entered this house?

O’SHAN. Charles Stumply! hang the fellow, he’s only a man after all.

DARESBY. I cannot contain my surprise.

MRS. JUD. The ungrateful vagabond! he has stolen my best gown and hood.

HORATIA. I shall sink to the cellar.

SOPHIA. O Daresby, how comical!

COL. Speak, you scamp! What has induced you to dress yourself like--a--speak! nor add a falsehood to your other faults and follies.

CHARLES. My dear Father, I have used no deception except that of changing my name. I am the deceived, not the deceiver. No one present is as much surprised at seeing me, as I myself am at finding myself thus. These fair Ladies kindly and willingly took me in, and I see that, quite unwittingly, I have taken them in also! I own that I merit your displeasure, but I will do so no longer. I have received a lesson which I will not soon forget. I will no longer run counter to your wishes, but return to the counter for which you destined me. I have long devoted myself to a-muse, but now I will learn to obey. I own that I too fondly sought the giddy cheer of an applauding audience. Romance and her knights had taken possession of my fancy, but I have found the nights too cold, and the cheer too indifferent. I return with humble regret to my loving Sire, and if he will receive me a-gain, he may perhaps be able to make a-gain of me yet!

COL. Ah, you Rogue, you little merit that I should look at you again. The Pretender, indeed! so farewell to my dreams of fortune! I always thought it too good to be true. Ladies, I have to beg a thousand pardons for my rudeness in breaking in....

CHARLES. I must bear that blame, my Father. Had I not broken out, you would not have broken in.

HORATIA. Deceiving Wretch! could I for a moment....

CHARLES. No anger, fair Miss Ratty, we had enough of this indignation at the brink of the vault, when you were near falling out with me because I would not fall in with your ideas, and fall into the vault.

DARESBY. Ah, Sophy, how you treated me!

SOPHIA. I thought it my duty, dearest.

DARESBY. I can pardon you anything; but that deceiving Ratty, whose word I can never again believe....

CHARLES. No more of that, Daresby. The farce is ended, the mists of mistake are clearing up, the reign of Folly must fall, let not Anger survive its cause!

Now that we have ended all this War of Words, And fall to drawing corks instead of swords, Now the Pretender may his Captors mock, And view with glee a match without the lock, Let each resentful thought and feeling cease, And General Harmony conclude the Piece!