Chapter 7

PRIOR. It is easier, Mr. _Dean_, to exclaim on this Head, than to shew the Justice of the Complaint; for whoever will carefully look over the Lists of those who have been preferred in Church and State for some Years, will find there has been greater Attention than ever paid to this Matter. But lest you should dispute this Fact, I will only hint, that there are Grounds to say, this Complaint will not be so common a Topick of Discourse with _Irishmen_, as we knew it in our Time; and probably as Learning and Knowledge may therefore make greater Advances among us than ever, we shall find _Irishmen_ hereafter as much distinguished by their Preferments as their Merit. But however that may be, it will be as great Madness for us to malign or revile _England_ on such Disgusts and Slights, as for a younger Son to quarrel with his Father, to whom he owes his being what he is, and who may in Time vastly enlarge his Portion and his Happiness, if he behaves with Duty and Love. This I will be bold to say, that we are possess'd of as many civil Advantages, under our Connections with _England_, as we enjoy from our natural ones, and our Situation in this Climate, this Sun, and this World of Life and Matter, where we derive so many Blessings from the Bounty of the Creator.

SWIFT. I wish, _Tom_, you would not stir that Bone of Contention, for there is a great deal to be said on both Sides of the Question, which, as I love to keep in good Humour, and be as quiet in my Grave as I can, I do not care for wrangling about. But this I must say, as to your Hints of our being Children of the same Family, that you had better let them alone, for it stirs my Spleen too violently. I am sure, if we are so, we fare like the rest of the younger Children in the World, who get but a Pittance to starve on, while the elder Brother runs away with the Bulk of the Fortune. I will not dwell on what we lose to her by Absentees, but I know between our Wool, our Woollen and Worsted Yarn, our Linens and Linen Yarn, our Copper, Lead, and Iron Ore, our Hides, Skins, Tallow, all which are the Primums and Foundations of her great Manufactures, she makes immense Gains by her Trade with our Country, and the Ships she employs in it. I must also add, that we take from her the largest Supplies of her Grain and her Manufactures of any Nation upon Earth; and besides the Crowds of _English_ Gentlemen, that are possess'd of Employments, Commissions, Pensions, and Preferments here, she makes near two Millions by the Trade with _Ireland_; which I know is more than she gains from the rest of the World. I am not peevish, or at least so peevish, as I used to be, when I had vile Flesh and Blood about me; but these are plain confest honest Truths, and if that generous large thoughted Nation, will consider them calmly and candidly; possibly she will make us other Returns, than cramping our Trade, making us poor Petitioners, for leave to live by our Linen, and binding us by Laws (a Thing which every _Briton_ shou'd start at) to which we never gave our Consent.

PRIOR. I cannot enter on that Subject, without irritating you, and therefore, Mr. _Dean_, I will drop it; but this I must say, that _England_ had probably shewn us more Affection and Indulgence, if she had not been kept in perpetual Alarms, by our endeavouring to Rival her in her great Staple, the Woollen Trade. I have heard of some Women, who to regain their Husband's Affections, strove to make them Jealous; but I fancy that is no good Artifice, to make Nations love one another, and I hope as our Linen Manufactures, and our Tillage encrease in the South; we shall remove all uneasiness from that Quarter. It is certain our Interests and _England_'s are inseparably united, and he must be a very weak, or a very malicious Man, who wou'd endeavour to divide our Inclinations, and set up a Wall Partition between us; by keeping up artificial Jealousy on the one Side, and unnatural Aversion on the other. It wou'd be absurd to think that because we have a broader Arm of the Sea, between us and _England_ than the _Isle of Wight_, or _Anglesea_; that therefore we ought to have, different Rules and Views of Acting; whereas we shou'd consider ourselves as one People, join'd in one System of Government, Religion, Laws and Liberties; and he that divides us Ruins us.

SWIFT. What dost thou talk of dividing us? I hope that Word was not aim'd at me. I am not for Divisions (nor let me whisper you in the Ear, _Tom_) Unions either, till I see more Cause. But in the mean Time, I say since _England_ makes so much by _Ireland_, she ought to help us to get something for ourselves, if it was for no other Reason but to double her Gain by us. But it is amazing how a Nation so sensible and enterprizing as she is generally allow'd to be, can so long over look the vast Advantages she might draw from us, if we were cultivated and improv'd under her Direction. Can she be Ignorant how useful, so large and so fertile a Country may be to her, where Hands and Food are so easily had, and may be turn'd to every Manufacture she wants, as effectually as the Motion of an Army by a skilful General. And if she knows it, can she neglect it? Does she want to be told, where she may most properly and providently give all the vast Sums she pays, for Hempen and Linen Manufactures to our Neighbours round the _Baltick_? Does she understand what Gain she wou'd make, if the Lands here were raised by Trade and Manufactures, to a Million more than they now set for, and how soon this may be done? Is she yet to learn, that by encouraging the Woollen Business here, in such Articles only, as her Rivals undersell her in, she wou'd effectually recover them out of their Hands, by employing the _Irish_, who by paying no Taxes on their Milk and Potatoes, can undersell the World? Is she Ignorant what she might make, by compleatly working our Mines, by opening our Trade to her Plantations effectually, and to Name no more by setting up extended Fisheries here, (the Gain from which one wou'd be tempted to think, was hinted by _Christ_'s bidding St. _Peter_, take Money out of the Fishes Mouth) and thereby besides the Profit of what we vend, breeding Thousands of Mariners to man her Navy. If these are certain Facts, I hope you will allow me without Grumbling, to assert two plain Truths; first that there never was a Nation so Affectionate, so Loyal as _Ireland_; and secondly, That there never was a rebellious People so much suspected, so long neglected, and so saintly, so coldly encourag'd to serve her.

PRIOR. Tho' I cannot agree with you, Mr. _Dean_, in some of these Particulars, yet I will avoid Wrangling with an old Friend; but I must say you are too ready to lay blame upon _England_; when our own People are more to be reproach'd than our Neighbours, who have more Affairs of their own on their Hands, than they can get well manag'd. If we fairly weigh Things, we will find our Countrymen faulty in many Regards; and indeed I have such a Bead-roll of Accusations against them, that I know not where I had best begin the Attack.

SWIFT. Hold! _Tom_, hold! Dead or Living, I wou'd never allow any Man to attack _Ireland_, but myself; however when I am out of Breath, you shall be permitted to assist me now, and then. I must ingeniously own, I see so many Mistakes in their ways of Thinking and Acting, that the more I consider them, the more I look on _Ireland_, as in a dangerous Condition. The first Thing I shall touch at, is that terrible want of publick Spirit, which we are notoriously defective in; tho' like the Pulse in the human Body, where it is wanting, Death is nigh! all Countries are greatly help'd by this noblest Passion of the human Mind: But this Island must be absolutely lost, without its Assistance. We are so Circumstanced in several Views, that nothing can keep us above Water, and much less make us flourish, but the whole of our Gentry, joining one and all, to rouse themselves and the Nation, by encouraging every Art, every additional Method of employing us, that they can settle here. And yet how few have I known, who exerted themselves this way, or seem'd to know it was their Interest, or to think it their Duty. I remember in some Accounts of _Portugal_, I have met a Relation of the vast Good that is done there, by the famous merciful Society, as they call it very deservedly. It is composed of the most distinguish'd Persons in the Kingdom, who all contribute their Quota's to the relieving in a private Manner, all deserving People, (and Tradesmen especially) who are in want. The Steward who is annually Chosen, is always one of the most Illustrious of the Nobility; and cannot avoid spending 5000 _l._ in these Charities, to come off with Honour, and keep up the Glory of his Trust. Now I will venture to affirm, tho' we have vastly the Superiority over _Portugal_, as to the Numbers of Noblemen and Gentlemen of great Fortunes in _Ireland_; yet it wou'd be a vain Attempt to endeavour to establish such a generous Society here. This makes me Tremble for a People so deserted and neglected as ours; for unless the Rich, and the Great, and the Powerful, give largely to the Encouragement of Arts and Industry, and set Examples of Virtue and Goodness, and a Love of their Country before us, there can be little hopes of this or any other Nation, being made completely easy or happy. Men of larger Fortunes, shou'd shew they have larger Hearts than others, or they ought like the old _Romans_ to suffer a voluntary Degradation, and descend from their State and mix with the meanest _Plebeians_. If they Act so as to do Honour to their Ancestors, and give shining Proofs of Truth, Piety, Worth and Benevolence; Numbers will Copy them with Joy; but without this, we may as well expect an Army will be brave, where the Generals, Colonels and Captains are Cowards, as that a Nation shall shew publick Spirit, or be Virtuous, Religious and Charitable, where their Superiors have opposite Characters. Let all who are eminent for Wealth or Birth, or Parts, seriously lay this to Heart, and consider how much the Immorality and Misery, or the Virtue and Prosperity of their Country, is chargeable to them and their Conduct; and it will not fail of stirring up a generous Emulation, who shall be most distinguish'd, in assisting the whole of our People, in Thinking and Acting better, and more nobly than they have hitherto done.

PRIOR. That too few have Acted thus, must be acknowledg'd; but some there have been among them, who have done Honour to their Families, and raised their own Characters, by the applauded Parts they have Acted, for the Service of their Country.

SWIFT. At the same Time, _Tom_, one wou'd wonder such Examples shou'd not be more frequent; for how dreadful how contemptible a Figure, in the sight of God and Man, must he make, who with the Advantages of Birth, and Fortune, and Power, seems to labour to be remembred, Living and Dead, only for being given up to the basest and most brutal Vices, or at best for his senseless Splendour, by living like an _Epicure_, or acting the Gamester, or for his great Stables or well-cover'd Table, his well-fill'd Cellar, or to heighten his Character still higher, his Debts and his Drabs. Such Men ruin and corrupt the World, by their Examples; they sneer at Virtue and Sobriety, they make a Jest of loving or serving this poor Island, and Ridicule the very Name of a Patriot; and while they withhold their Contribution, to every good Design, they make Sport of lavishing their Fortunes in Folly, and ruining their Constitution by Vice, and they even Laugh at Religion, and shew an equal Contempt for their God and their Country. It is odd, that few can be Stupid enough not to see, that every Man's private Interest and Happiness, let him be ever so great, is involv'd in that of the Publick; and yet few or none will Labour to serve the Publick, so far as to think for or support its Interest, whenever they have an Opportunity. I labour'd to rouse it up amongst us, for a Number of Years, to no Purpose, and I am apprehensive, that our best Ground to hope, to see this Spirit revive here, is that Posterity may hereafter exert it effectually, when they see this Island ruin'd; by the little Regard that is shewn for it now. However I must say (if any Thing in _Ireland_ were worth complaining about) that it is a little hard, we must be Ruin'd before we are reform'd, just as Shipwrecks set up Light-houses, to secure future Sailors in their Voyages. This wou'd enrage one, _Tom_, if a noble Scorn did not cool our Fury.

PRIOR. These Thoughts disturb the Breasts of the Dead, as well as the Passions of the Living; for it is certain if our higher People shew'd a true publick Spirit, it wou'd produce vast Effects amongst us; it wou'd stir up Invention, Industry and Emulation, and in a Word awaken every Genius, every useful Man in this Kingdom. We have had very extraordinary Persons Born and Educated here, and we wou'd have them still, if our Leaders wou'd make use of that plain Method, by proper Premiums to raise Seed-Beds and Nurseries for them, and use our Youth to think, and to excell. How easily might they call out every one's best Qualities, to the properest Purposes, and encourage every Man, who finds he has the Seeds of Virtue, the Power of Thinking and Acting for himself or others, and a proper force of Mind, to try how far his Abilities can go. If this can't be brought about, and if for want of such a miserable Stock of common Sense and common Virtue in _Ireland_, we are to be left to ourselves, and employ'd in doing nothing but making a little Linen, I can only say, we are the most negligent and neglected People under Heaven.

SWIFT. Ah _Tom! Tom!_ what must we think of our Physicians, where our Diseases are so dangerous and are yet so manageable, and where the Remedies are so easy and parable? Where nothing but slighting our Disorders can make our Cure doubtful, and where they give over the Patient barely for want of being feed? What must become of a Country, where about 600,000 _l._ of its Rents are annually spent Abroad, by a Crowd of Parricides, which we call Absentees; where as much more is spent at home, in foreign Growths or Manufactures by _Irish_ Suicides, and the rest is laid out in Dress and Equipage, in Gaming and Drinking, and Horse-Racing, except a Pittance that is scrambled for, by our Labourers and Workmen to buy Potatoes and Whisky, and once in a Month, half a Peck of Meal for the Children of the Nation. What will become of a Kingdom, whose Manufactures are the Scorn of its own Inhabitants; who will not Drink of their own Liquors, write on their own Paper, or be fed with their own Bread, as I observ'd before, and can't observe too often: Nay, where the Poor by giving into these fine Fashions, seem as well inclin'd to destroy us as the Rich? What must become of a Nation of Beggars, and none to relieve them? What must become of a Country, where the common People make as much Interest, to be put on the List of the Parish Poor, and be authorized to Starve upon Charity; as their Landlords, and 'Squires do to get a Place or a Sallary, to make amends to them, for outrunning their Fortunes, and to appear like dignified Beggars, who for ruining themselves and the Nation, are Nursed at the publick Charge, as the _Athenians_ used to keep their true Patriots, in the _Areopagus_ on Pension, when old and reduced in their Service.

PRIOR. Why indeed, Mr. _Dean_----

SWIFT. Indeed, _Tom_, I have not done, nor I won't be interrupted. I say what will become of a Nation, where we are charg'd so immensely for unbuilt or ill-built Barracks, for our Soldiers which we cannot use, which we did not want; and where we won't lay out a necessary Expence to build Houses of Correction, that wou'd force every Idler to Labour, and tho' we know that Idleness is the Seed of Rebellion? What will become of a Nation, where we spend immensely to ruin it, and grudge laying out a few Shillings, or the smallest Tax to serve it, by encouraging our People to Labour and be Industrious? Where we are grown so heedless and unthinking, that our political Creed, must be as often repeated in our Ears, as our Religious one, before we will take care to understand, or shew we believe it by our Practice? Where we are so notoriously Dull, or so artificially Insensible, that we must be told our true Interest a thousand Times over, before we'll regard it, or where those who know our true Interest best, will Sacrifice it either to their Vanity, Ease, Pleasure or Ambition, or at least to their giddy, senseless, Carelessness? What must become of a Kingdom, where we are grown so resign'd, that we no more offer to complain of the hardness of our Case, if two or three honest Gentlemen bid us hold our Tongue, than a dying Man against the Will of Heaven? Where we either seem to have lost the Sense of Groaning by the length of our Distemper, or by knowing from long Experience, it will be in vain; or else that we fear bawling, as in the House of Correction, will but increase the Blows, both as to Number and Smart. Where People keep their Tongues in their Pockets, as Highway-Men do their Pistols, never to be pull'd out but in hopes of getting Money; and where so many, of our most eminent Guardians and Representatives, command Men to be silent and quiet and bear all, as the Executioner said to Don [4]_Carlos_, when he was struggling to hinder his being Strangled, ''Tis for your good Don _Carlos_! be quiet, 'tis for your Good!' Nay what will become of a Nation, where whoever Attempts to help it, is either mark'd out for Destruction, as I was by a certain Lord Chief Justice, or revil'd and hated.

[4] _The King of_ Spain_'s son put to Death privately by his Order._

PRIOR. There _Dean_, you must give me leave to say, you certainly go too far, to hate our Benefactors is not in human Nature.

SWIFT. Whether 'tis in human Nature I know not, but I am sure 'tis in _Ireland_; for I found myself hated there sincerely by different People, and for different Reasons. I was actually hated, by all who cou'd help it, but would not or durst not, and by all who wou'd help it themselves and knew not how, and abhorr'd to have it done by others. I was hated by all who long'd to hurt it, but as they cou'd not, detested those that hindered them, and by all who do not Care to have great Examples set them, which they are not fond of following, and lastly by all who neither love any Thing or any body but themselves, their Interests or Pleasures, and who had as believe talk of serving Heaven as their Country. Indeed the common People who come not under these Distinctions, lov'd me well enough to Drink my Health, especially, when I gave them the Liquor; and I doubt not wou'd have accompanied me to the Gallows, with many a zealous Prayer, if I had been Hanged for Writing for them. But at the same Time my Character was revil'd and attack'd with a Number of scandalous Stories, and my Zeal and my Patriotism exposed to Derision; and I was so far from having any Regard shewn me by my Governors, that in a Country where Numbers get Pensions for nothing, and Places for Services that were never done, I was not once offer'd any additional Preferment to my Deanery, and I scorn'd or rather detested not only to Ask, but even to Wish for it, as I vow'd to you before. Most Nations indeed are but too apt to be thankless to their Deliverers, but this above all others, and the _Comperit invidiam supremo fine domari_, I found too often verified in myself and my Interests; and my Character too frequently and too barbarously insulted when Living; and now when I am laid in my Grave, they are grudging their Half-Crowns, to raise me a Monument, that will not last as many Months, as I writ Pages for them.

PRIOR. It is an Happiness, if the World proves ungrateful to the great and excellent Persons, who serve and adorn the Age that is blest with them, that they have a scorn for the Opinions of Men, or even their Love or their Hatred, their Preferments, or Honours. It is but a poor Sentiment of the illustrious _Xenophon_'s, 'That Praise is sweet to those, who are Conscious they deserve it;' for on the contrary, I believe most of those, who truly deserve Praise, have look'd on it as the poorest and lowest Reward of well-doing. Great Minds who aim in their best Actions at the Glory of their Maker, and the pleasing that Author of all Good, by labouring to imitate him here below, have superior Views, and do not only look down with a generous Disdain on the Applause of others, as it is really trivial and mean, but also as they know, they never receive it pure, but dash'd with the Malice of Detractors, and the Spleen of those little Souls, who Envy them. As they are Deaf to their Praise, so great Minds from their natural Superiority, bear the Malice of their Enemies with equal Indifference, and strive to Copy after him whom they serve, by smiling at, and over-looking the base Ingratitude of those they have done Good to. I am sensible, _Dean_, as even your Donations will survive both the World and your own Name, you know from whom to expect your Wages, and when they will be paid you; but really when one considers, what wretched wicked, senseless, Mortals crowd this World, it wou'd make one, out of Countenance to be actuated merely by a Love to themselves and Descendants, without any Regard to him, who has commanded us to assist and befriend them.

SWIFT. I agree with you entirely; I have observed and studied Mankind too long, not to know the _animali Initus & in Cute_, and to look on their Service as perfect Slavery. I have lov'd some odd Men in my Time, but the whole Race in a Lump, are a dreadful Carnage of Sins and Infirmities, Errors and Failings, Reason and Passion, that make a kind of Twilight in the best Understandings, that is neither Day nor Night, Knowledge or Ignorance, Vice or Virtue; but a kind of Olio of them all. Even the highest Characters have their weak-sides, and the most refin'd, their Defects and their Failures, with all the Infirmities which Flesh is heir to, and this World where we dwell is apt to taint Men with. Nay I must tell you in some Verses of mine, which never fell into _Faulkner_'s Hands,

_Prone to all Ill, the Flesh still warps the Soul, Hung like a Byass on the devious Bowl. This gives a worldly Cast to all we do, Tho' Patriots, Heroes, Saints,----we're Sinners too! Tho' some quite faultless in their Lives appear, Yet chain'd to this infectious Dungeon here, Men small of Earth, like Pris'ners of their Jail, And tainted from the Womb, the best are Frail!_

This is poor Poetry, _Tom_, but they are honest Thoughts, and such (Death has taught me that Lesson) are worth all the Wit in the World. But I shall quit this Subject, to return to another fear I have for the Prosperity of _Ireland_, and that is the terrible and senseless Factions, that divide our unfortunate Countrymen. The first great Division among them, is their Disputes about spiritual Matters, as Protestants and Papists. It is not the Danger to the State that alarms me, for that is quite over; but the Indisposition to Unity and mutual Affection; by which means the Kingdom is lessen'd in its force and weight, while we seem to drag like a Man in a Palsy, one half of our Body after the other, which ought to co-operate with it.