Part 5

SWIFT. I was saying so every Day, for the last fifty Years of my Slavery among Men, and all to no Purpose! But there is another Matter that makes me fear for the Welfare of _Ireland_, and that is the want of proper Manufactures being set up there. I see _Tom_, you are ready to bawl out to me, the _Irish_ Cambricks, the _Irish_ Linens, but alas! even as to them I am sorry to say, they wou'd do _Great Britain_ and _Ireland_ twice the Service, if they were doubly encouraged, and not left to creep to those Provinces, where they might go with a brisker Progress, if the Funds of the Trustees were enlarg'd, or their Premiums more happily applied. But I leave that, _Tom_, to Time and the Legislature, for the Manufactures which I lament the want of, are those which enrich _France_, _Germany_ and _Holland_; such as those of Brass, Tin, Copper, Lead and Iron Work, in all their amazing Species; those of Glass, Tapestry, Hats, Silk, Leather, Paper, Pins, Needles, Lace, Earthen-Ware, and Numbers of others, of which our own Island can largely supply the Materials, if we wou'd make use of them. Whether it proceeds from our Ignorance or our Poverty, our before mentioned Laziness, or want of Capacity I cannot say; but Arts and Manufactures seem to be discourag'd so remarkably, in this unthinking and unthought of Island, as if we wou'd fain obtain the Name, of _Omnium bonarum Artium noverca_, formerly as I remember given to _Scythia_. Even those few Attempts we make to deserve well in some of them, are brow-beaten or neglected by our People of Fashion. This is a Complaint I must often make, and can never be too often repeated in their Ears, as without their Help no Workmen, how industrious soever, can thrive. 'Tis miserable that our polite People, will not be content to Ruin their own Families by their extravagant Finery, but their Country too, and all who dare endeavour to exert a little Industry in home Manufactures. Surely the Wearers of all Foreign Goods, and especially the Fair Sex, do not believe, or do not consider, that they deliberately starve their own poor Countrymen and their Families, by making them Work in vain. They shou'd in Pity, in Generosity, in Justice reflect, that since we are not allowed to Export our Silk and Woollen Goods abroad, the least that every Friend to _Ireland_ can do, is to encourage them so far, as to wear them at Home, tho' they do not quite come up to those that are Imported to us. Tho' we are terribly impoverish'd by this fondness for Goods which other Nations send us, it is still some Comfort, that there is no Law to force us to it as yet, and that the whole of this dreadful Ruin, is grounded on our own Humours, which a little thinking, some Charity, and a general Poverty, may remove in Time. I know no reason, why a Thousand beautiful Faces I have seen in _Ireland_, shou'd desire to look lovelier than Nature, and the Produce of their native Kingdom can make them: And for our Gentlemen (if they are Gentlemen) they shou'd take a Pride in wearing nothing but what is wrought in _Irish_ Looms, and make it a Case of Conscience, like Archbishop _King_, Bishop _Berkeley_, and Crowds of Patriots I cou'd Name, to be cloathed by our own People. The _Dutch_ I am told, have lately issued a Placart, forbidding all their Subjects (excepting Day-Labourers who are too poor to trangress it) to wear any Silk or Woollen Goods not Fabricated in their Provinces. The greatest Personages are restrain'd herein by severe Penalties, and tho' we cannot make such a Law, (nor perhaps shou'd not desire it in Respect to one Country at least) yet certainly we shou'd form general Resolutions, and try to Establish an universal Custom (which is equal to any Law) of Feeding and Encouraging our own Workmen and Tradesmen.

PRIOR. Laws, Mr. _Dean_, are not so much wanting, as the Will to favour our own Goods, and our own People; and surely as you observe, all who please, may determine in their several Families, to use the Produce of our _Irish_ Looms; and in the mean Time I cannot but make this sad Reflection, that if Industry and Labour be the great Standard of Value in most Things, what (under such Discouragements) can our unemploy'd Country be worth, which except our Linens, sends abroad all the Materials for Labour to others, and lies abed like a _Spaniard_, burning Day-Light, and proud of doing Nothing.

SWIFT. I remember to have Read, when I used to lose Time upon Men and Books, that among the _Turks_, every Man of them learns some Trade or other. This Fashion they probably borrow'd from the _Jews_, who made it a Maxim, that he who does not give his Son a Trade, teaches him to be a Thief: And yet till our Protestants Taught the _Irish_ better Manners, a Trade was as seldom learn'd as a Psalter. It is true of late Years this Folly has been pretty much subdued, and Numbers of our Natives have distinguish'd themselves, by their Skill in different Arts and Handicrafts, but till this Humour wears off, of slighting whatever is wrought at Home, it were better they had learn'd to Fast than to Work. We keep Crowds of our Artificers naked who well-deserve to be cloathed; many are as ill hutted as so many _Greenlanders_ or _Russian_ Peasants, who ought to be well housed, if any one thought them worth taking Care of and Encouraging. But what is still more unhappy, Thousands of them are forced for fear of Jails and Beggary, to run from us to wiser Countries, where they and their Arts are well receiv'd and favour'd by our Enemies or Rivals, whose Industry and Exports they Encrease, and thereby help to Starve the Friends they have forsaken. One wou'd expect common Charity to them and ourselves, and common Sense in conducting our general Interests, wou'd not only have remov'd this main Obstacle to the Prosperity of _Ireland_, but wou'd also put us on setting up all Kinds of new Manufactures, which we still want; let it cost us ever so much for setling them here, and Nursing them till they get Strength, to shift for themselves. It is certain the Publick can hardly pay too dear for such improveable Purchases, for unquestionably where the Advantages are so considerable, saving in such Cases is meanness and madness.

PRIOR. You are ever Tolling the passing Bell of _Ireland_, and yet my fears that there is too much Reason for all you advance, keep me from opposing you; when you censure the Stupidity of our Management, in regard of every Measure that can hurt us or serve us. I spent half my Life in exclaiming in the same Manner, and I might as well have spoke to the Inhabitants of these Tombstones. There is one Particular, which with Grief I must add to all your Complaints, and it is a very discouraging one as to any Hopes of our Recovery, namely, that this Island is made up of two of the most unhappy Mixtures a Kingdom can consist of, a Multitude of Gentlemen and Beggars. The first have not Time from their Pleasures, and their own petty Interests, to think of serving us, and the others cannot either serve themselves or us, without Wages, Food or Raiment, which they cannot get, unless we allow them to Purchase them by their Labours. In short, Mr. _Dean_, while our Ladies scorn to wear any Thing that is _Irish_, and our Gentlemen pride themselves who shall Drink most _French_ Wine; they both Teach their Inferiors the same dreadful Folly, and make them join to enrich their Enemies, Beggar their own Workmen, exalt _France_, and sink _Ireland_, and drive every Creature that has Genius or Industry out of it, to Places as we observed before, where they can hope to get the Necessaries of Life by their Industry.

SWIFT. Your mentioning _French_ Wine, _Tom_, puts me in Mind of another terrible Remora, to the Prosperity of this unfortunate unthinking Country. I have often thought if _Ireland_ had never been allowed to import Foreign Wines, and we had learn'd to Content ourselves, with drinking our own Ale, Beer, Mead and Cyder, and used no other Spirituous Liquors, we shou'd have been the richest, and the honestest, the healthiest, and the happiest Nation under Heaven. It is a melancholy Thought, that poor as we are, and wretched as the Circumstances of most of our Gentry are allowed to be, as to Debts and Incumbrances; yet we actually Drink more _French_ Wine, then all _England_ together, that is so much richer and abler. The Case is, few People drink _French_ Wine in _England_, but those who have very large Estates; Numbers who have a Thousand _per Annum_, seldom tasting it; but with us, every Creature, that has tolerable Cloaths upon his Back, and a Guinea in his Pocket, drinks little else, tho' he has scarce the Conveniences of Life for his Family. There are such Multitudes that can't relish Life or their Food without it, that one wou'd wonder how they can all be provided with it. This Difficulty indeed was soon remov'd; for I hear such Crowds now Trade in it, that it is to be fear'd, if their Customers this Year do not make haste to take it off their Hands, it grows so foul, they must Drink it themselves, or they must sell it at last for Vinegar.

PRIOR. I have heard from some Ghosts, who died of the last Vintage, that (to the Infamy of the Year 1753, be it remembered) 8000 Ton of Wine was imported into this Kingdom from _France_; to the dreadful Drain of our ready Cash, the encrease of the general Poverty of our People, and the Misery of all who Labour and cannot Eat. Allow me to observe here, Mr. _Dean_, that the _Chinese_ seem to know us well, who send us not only their Teas, but also Cups to Drink it out of; and I have often wondered that the _French_, don't send us Bottles and Glasses with their Wines, as we have not Industry enough to make them; tho' the very Bottles for 8000 Ton are computed to cost us 67000 _l._ It is dreadful to look over such Scenes of Destruction, and much more so to know they are remediless, while our People thus court _France_ to undo them, by sending for such vast Quantities of her Claret, at the same Time I hear it is pleaded in behalf of the Importers, that they never were guilty of such a Fault before.

SWIFT. A pretty Defence truly, and yet as this was the Excuse of _Balaam_'s Ass to his Master, one wou'd think none but an Ass wou'd plead it, and I will venture to say, they had better Change it for a solemn Vow, never to be guilty of such a Folly again. However if they did take such a Resolution, I wou'd not advise them to enter into Bonds, for the Performance of that Engagement; for I fear they wou'd forfeit them, tho' the Nation was to be Bankrupt by it, as in all probability, if we continue to tun down such Quantities of this destructive Liquor, it must soon be. For my part, when I think of this national Madness, in drinking Oceans of _French_ Wine, I know not how to account for such prodigious Extravagance, in such ruinous Circumstances. We seem to live the faster, for being in a deep Decay, as Clocks have a quicker Motion, the nearer they are to being run down. 'Tis an hard Case, that evident right reason can't Influence a Nation, and that there is a Necessity for a Majority of right Reasoners, to make thinking Creatures (as we are commonly called) act as their Interest and Happiness demand. When once that fortunate Majority is gain'd, between wise Laws and good Customs, People take up general Maxims and Manners, that direct their Conduct, and form both their private and publick Behaviour, so as to conduce to the good of the Whole, and the well Being of each Individual. But alas! _Tom_, in _Ireland_, we neither think, or act for ourselves or the Publick, nor seem to have any System of Rules, for managing our Estates or our Country; but we live in an extempore Method, and as Time serves, and Accidents happen, we Conduct ourselves. When we are famish'd we think of Bread, when frozen to Death, of Coals and Fire, and when we grow uneasy with the Thoughts of all our Mismanagements, Madness and Follies, a large Dose of Wine (a Hair of the very same Dog) relieves all our Griefs over Night, and we rise as Wise and as Provident as ever in the Morning. As to the Kingdom itself, we make such haste to get it undone, as if we fear'd it wou'd not be ruin'd Time enough; and yet we may plead in Excuse, that particular Gentlemen manage no better for themselves, or their Families. It is certain he is reckon'd no bad Manager, among his neighbouring 'Squires, who can cleverly stave off his Creditors, and keep up his Port of living undisturb'd, till he can sell (I mean settle) his Son, and clear off his Incumbrances with the Wife's Fortune.

PRIOR. A very true, and as sad an Account of Things; and what inhances our Misery is, that _France_ thrives by thus draining our vital Blood from us, as the Physicians in old _Rome_, made their decay'd Patients sustain themselves, by sucking the streaming Veins of their poor Slaves. If we paid a moderate Price for our Liquor, it were something, but the _French_ raise their Demands, in proportion to our Calls for it; and our generous Importers, never endeavour to beat them down, as they find they get the greater Gain, the dearer they buy it; and our Gentlemen take up the same prudent way of Thinking, and never believe themselves so generous, as when they drink Wines, that their poorer Neighbours cannot Purchase. The present Fulness of the Treasury, vastly beyond all former Years, shews how far our Madness is risen; for this Folly of drinking away both our Estates and our Reason, has seized like an epidemical Plague, on all Ranks of Men among us. Even those of the poorer Sort, from a noble Emulation of copying their betters, drink as much Wine as they can; and where their Purses or their Credit will not reach so high, they must have foreign Liquors, tho' they be only Mum or Cyder, Porter or Perry, and seem resolved to shew they are as little afraid of a Jail, as greater Persons.

SWIFT. In other Nations the Nobility and Gentry, think for the Commonalty, and govern their Manners by the Laws they make, and the becoming Examples they set them. But in this poor ill-starr'd Island, they corrupt them by their false Splendour, by their foreign Luxury, by despising Virtue, Religion and Temperance, and as fast as they can drinking themselves out of the World, and sinking their Fortunes, in both which they are faithfully copied, by their Inferiors. I have often thought while I was among them, that if our Gentlemen were oblig'd by Law, to give in Accounts to the Publick of their annual Expences, as Children do to their Parents, in order to have them regulated; what miserable Oeconomists they wou'd appear to be, both for their own and their Country's Interests. The Article of Drinking is grown so immense, and at the same Time so general, that if some Fence is not provided for it soon, this Nation will be more in Danger from this Land-Flood, than the _Dutch_ are from being overwhelm'd by the Ocean. What imbitters these Reflections the more is, that tho' all our Exports are the very Necessaries of Life, which we send off to Feed and Cloath other Nations, yet all our Imports, are the meer Superfluities of Luxury and Vanity, that keep our Natives naked and starv'd, and ruin the Healths of those of the better Sort. I say ruin the Healths, for I believe, if you and I, _Tom_, were to draw up a List of all our Acquaintances, who have died Martyrs to Wine and good Fellowship, it wou'd look like a _London_ Plague-Bill in 1666. _Pharaoh_ and his Army wou'd appear but as an Handful to those I cou'd reckon up, within these last fifty Years, that have perish'd in this red Sea of Claret; and what Crowds are there, now creeping by this way alone, into Stone and Gout, Rheumatisms, Palsies and Dropsies; after having by their Love of the Bottle, exchang'd their Youth and their Strength, not for a short and a merry Life, but a short and a miserable one.

PRIOR. It is a terrible Thing to consider, if half the Money paid for _French_ Wine, was laid out in Building and Planting here, what a Garden they wou'd make of this whole Island; and instead of this, they make the Bottle the Business of their Lives, and sacrifice to this noble Passion, I will not say their Country, (for that no body minds) but their Healths and their Fortunes as readily as their Reason. It is odd to me, Mr. _Dean_, if we must use foreign Wines, why we do not make those of _Portugal_, _Spain_, _Italy_ and _Sicily_, cheap by low Duties, and the _French_ twice as dear by high ones; for by this means, we cou'd get Drunk with the Loss of less Time, and Health, and Money. If even such a Tax was laid on it, as would make its Consumption less general, and hinder the poorer part of our People, from being ruin'd by the dreadful Affectation, of drinking like the Men of Figure and Fashion, it wou'd be an excellent Method; and above all if the additional Taxes, were appropriated to extend the Linen Manufacture thro' the Southern Provinces. This wou'd soon enrich us, and impoverish at the same Time, the great Enemy to the repose of _Europe_; for 'tis by her Wines and our Money chiefly, that _France_ has been enabled, to soar towards Universal Monarchy, and if this Feather was pluck'd from her, she wou'd soon shorten her Flights, and droop her Wings.

SWIFT. You think extravagantly and wildly! You cheat yourself like most Projectors, with your own Dreams, and your Expectations are suited only to Citizens, who live and act, _Tanquam in Republica Platonis_. Can you be so absurd as to hope, that Men in these Days, and in Manners like ours, shou'd listen to Reason; and think our own Beer, Ale, Cyder, Mead and home Wines, fittest and best for themselves, their Friends and their Families? Can you imagine that this Age of Intemperance and Luxury, will think a while of these important Truths, instead of pleasing their Palates, and driving off that heavy Load, their Time, with the Roar of Jollity and Riot? Is it to be expected that good Fellows and Pot Companions, will be influenced by a Regard for the Welfare of _Ireland_, when they will not value their own Healths, nor avoid all the Distempers we lately reckon'd up, as well as all the nervous Disorders, that spring from the fatal Tartar, which Claret by sad Experience is found to abound with? I was weak enough, to read Physick Books in my old Age, and I remember _Galen_ told me, that in all Wine there is something Indigestible in its self, and ruinous to true complete Concoction; but our best modern Physicians do also assert, that the Tartar in _French_ Wine, is the Fountain of a Crowd of Plagues and Pains, to our wretched Bodies. We read this in a Number of Authors, and have the Tradition handed down, from the Records of the Dead and the Living, who have suffered by neglecting such good Advice; but where are the _Recabites_ that will listen to such Councils, in these drinking Days.

PRIOR. But as destructive as Wine is to us, we must not forget the dreadful Effects, Spirituous Liquors have on our Country and our Bodies. They are really a sort of Liquid Flames, which corrode the Coats of the Stomach, thicken the Juices, and enflame the Blood, and in a Word, absolutely subvert the whole Animal Oeconomy. The frequent use of them, has had as bad Effects on our poor Natives, as Gin in _Great Britain_; and besides driving many Wretches into Thefts, Quarrels, Murders and Robberies, it kills as many of the Poor, (when Drunk to excess) as Wine does of the Rich. Even our own renowned _Whisky_, tho' it has banish'd the Brandies of _France_, yet is almost as pernicious to our Healths and our Morals; tho' we have this poor Comfort, since Spirituous Liquors we must have, that it is better to pay our _Irish_ Farmers, for destroying us, (if we must be destroy'd) than the _French_ Vignarons about _Bourdeaux_.

SWIFT. I allow indeed our _Irish_ Spirits, are preferable to those made in _France_; but after all, the chief good Quality of them is, that the King gets a prodigious encrease of his Revenue, by our Stills. It were to be wish'd, that this Part of his Majesty's Duties, that is founded on the Intemperance of his People, was supplied by some other Tax; for it is dreadful to consider, how much the Crown is interested, that the Subject shou'd neither be frugal or sober. The Duty on our Spirits is the best paid Money in the World, unless we except what we pay for our Wine; for I think the only Debts we pay well, are to the Merchant who Poisons us, and the Sharpers who bubble us at Play. If I were alive, I wou'd write a Book against the dreadful Intemperance of this Age and this Country; tho' I doubt if it wou'd do us much Service; for there is a Time, when the noblest Medicines are of no Use in a Distemper, and I fear our political Diseases are now so desperate, that to die as easily as we can, and to put it off as long as we can, is all our poor Country can hope for. I will therefore leave this, and go to another great Obstacle to the welfare of _Ireland_, and that is the want of Tillage amongst us.

PRIOR. That is indeed, Mr. _Dean_, a terrible Evil, and like most of our Evils, chiefly owing to ourselves. We do not want this additional Hardship to many others, that what we earn by our Labours in good Years, goes all from us in a scarce one, and leaves us either without Food or without Money.

SWIFT. Surely if repeated Sufferings make us patient, we might expect that our frequent Misfortunes, might make us Wise; and yet Famines are not able to oblige us to Plow, nor our Legislature to force us to it, by salutary Laws. One wou'd believe there were neither Thinkers or Reasoners, (unpoison'd by French Wine) left in _Ireland_. Are we to be a Nation of Beasts, and a few Savages to watch them, and only some Landlords and Butchers to divide the Spoil, and share the Plunder of a Nation, wasted of its Villages and People, as _William Rufus_, serv'd part of _Kent_, to feed his Deer? Good God! what a Scandal are we growing, to all the Kingdoms of the Earth, that set up for a regulated Government, or a sensible equal Polity? Surely, _Tom_, Men with common Sense, and common Industry, might make something else of this fertile Country, than a wild solitary Extent of Pastures; and that Men and civilized Creatures, might thrive here as well as Beasts and Barbarians; and that we need not let this poor Region, look like the one ey'd _Polyphemus_'s Island, spoil'd of its Inhabitants, and occupied only by his Sheep and his Cattle? We all know, Grazing makes Countries wild and horrid, their People slothful and uncultivated as the Soil; but one might bear any Fault but starving; and yet every three or four Years, Men here are near famishing for want of Bread, and ready to eat up each other, like Lord _Al----ms'_ Dogs in the Kennel. It is hard to say, what sort of People we are, for it is strange that the universal Instinct, that governs all the lower Ranks of Animals, or that the great Law of Self-preservation, does not influence our Countrymen so far, as to provide their own Bread. Not to Insult us with wiser Nations, I wou'd at least expect, that we shou'd shew ourselves, as provident as the Republick of Ants, and keep something to preserve Life and Soul together, when Want and Winter come. We seem to be quite uninfluenced by Hopes or Fears, the two great ruling Passions of the Soul; and as merry and improvident, as so many Grass-hoppers. In other Countries if Sheep eat up Men, the Men have their Revenge and eat up Sheep; but in _Ireland_, wretched, thoughtless _Ireland_, Sheep eat up more Men than all the Wolves on the Earth, without our poor Natives, being able to devour one of them, but now and then, when we Steal them, just to keep Life and Soul together.