Chapter 41

"And when the glass of life is run, And I behold my setting sun, May conscience sound be my protection, And no ungrateful recollection, No gnawing cares nor tumbling woes, Disturb the quiet of life's close. And when Death's gentle feet shall come To bear me to my endless home, Oh! may my soul, should Heaven but save it, Safely return to GOD who gave it." _Federal Orrery_, Oct. 29, 1795. _Buckingham's Reminiscences_, Vol. II. pp. 228-231, 268-273.

It is probable that the idea of a "College Will" was suggested to Biglow by "Father Abbey's Will," portions of which, till the present generation, were "familiar to nearly all the good housewives of New England." From the history of this poetical production, which has been lately printed for private circulation by the Rev. John Langdon Sibley of Harvard College, the annexed transcript of the instrument itself, together with the love-letter which was suggested by it, has been taken. The instances in which the accepted text differs from a Broadside copy, in the possession of the editor of this work, are noted at the foot of the page.

"FATHER ABBEY'S WILL:

TO WHICH IS NOW ADDED, A LETTER OF COURTSHIP TO HIS VIRTUOUS AND AMIABLE WIDOW. "_Cambridge, December_, 1730.

"Some time since died here Mr. Matthew Abbey, in a very advanced age: He had for a great number of years served the College in quality of Bedmaker and Sweeper: Having no child, his wife inherits his whole estate, which he bequeathed to her by his last will and testament, as follows, viz.:--

"To my dear wife My joy and life, I freely now do give her, My whole estate, With all my plate, Being just about to leave her.

"My tub of soap, A long cart-rope, A frying pan and kettle, An ashes[74] pail, A threshing-flail, An iron wedge and beetle.

"Two painted chairs, Nine warden pears, A large old dripping platter, This bed of hay On which I lay, An old saucepan for butter.

"A little mug, A two-quart jug, A bottle full of brandy, A looking-glass To see your face, You'll find it very handy.

"A musket true, As ever flew, A pound of shot and wallet, A leather sash, My calabash, My powder-horn and bullet.

"An old sword-blade, A garden spade, A hoe, a rake, a ladder, A wooden can, A close-stool pan, A clyster-pipe and bladder.

"A greasy hat, My old ram cat, A yard and half of linen, A woollen fleece, A pot of grease,[75] In order for your spinning.

"A small tooth comb, An ashen broom, A candlestick and hatchet, A coverlid Striped down with red, A bag of rags to patch it.

"A rugged mat, A tub of fat, A book put out by Bunyan, Another book By Robin Cook,[76] A skein or two of spun-yarn.

"An old black muff, Some garden stuff, A quantity of borage,[77] Some devil's weed, And burdock seed, To season well your porridge.

"A chafing-dish, With one salt-fish. If I am not mistaken, A leg of pork, A broken fork, And half a flitch of bacon.

"A spinning-wheel, One peck of meal, A knife without a handle, A rusty lamp, Two quarts of samp, And half a tallow candle.

"My pouch and pipes, Two oxen tripes, An oaken dish well carved, My little dog, And spotted hog, With two young pigs just starved.

"This is my store, I have no more, I heartily do give it: My years are spun, My days are done, And so I think to leave it.

"Thus Father Abbey left his spouse, As rich as church or college mouse, Which is sufficient invitation To serve the college in his station." _Newhaven, January_ 2, 1731.

"Our sweeper having lately buried his spouse, and accidentally hearing of the death and will of his deceased Cambridge brother, has conceived a violent passion for the relict. As love softens the mind and disposes to poetry, he has eased himself in the following strains, which he transmits to the charming widow, as the first essay of his love and courtship.

"MISTRESS Abbey To you I fly, You only can relieve me; To you I turn, For you I burn, If you will but believe me.

"Then, gentle dame, Admit my flame, And grant me my petition; If you deny, Alas! I die In pitiful condition.

"Before the news Of your dear spouse Had reached us at New Haven, My dear wife dy'd, Who was my bride In anno eighty-seven.

"Thus[78] being free, Let's both agree To join our hands, for I do Boldly aver A widower Is fittest for a widow.

"You may be sure 'T is not your dower I make this flowing verse on; In these smooth lays I only praise The glories[79] of your person.

"For the whole that Was left by[80] _Mat._ Fortune to me has granted In equal store, I've[81] one thing more Which Matthew long had wanted.

"No teeth, 't is true, You have to shew, The young think teeth inviting; But silly youths! I love those mouths[82] Where there's no fear of biting.

"A leaky eye, That's never dry, These woful times is fitting. A wrinkled face Adds solemn grace To folks devout at meeting.

"[A furrowed brow, Where corn might grow, Such fertile soil is seen in 't, A long hook nose, Though scorned by foes, For spectacles convenient.][83]

"Thus to go on I would[84] put down Your charms from head to foot, Set all your glory In verse before ye, But I've no mind to do 't.[85]

"Then haste away, And make no stay; For soon as you come hither, We'll eat and sleep, Make beds and sweep. And talk and smoke together.

"But if, my dear, I must move there, Tow'rds Cambridge straight I'll set me.[86] To touse the hay On which you lay, If age and you will let me."[87]

The authorship of Father Abbey's Will and the Letter of Courtship is ascribed to the Rev. John Seccombe, who graduated at Harvard College in the year 1728. The former production was sent to England through the hands of Governor Belcher, and in May, 1732, appeared both in the Gentleman's Magazine and the London Magazine. The latter was also despatched to England, and was printed in the Gentleman's Magazine for June, and in the London Magazine for August, 1732. Both were republished in the Massachusetts Magazine, November, 1794. A most entertaining account of the author of these poems, and of those to whom they relate, may be found in the "Historical and Biographical Notes" of the pamphlet to which allusion has been already made, and in the "Cambridge [Mass.] Chronicle" of April 28, 1855.

WINE. To drink wine.

After "wining" to a certain extent, we sallied forth from his rooms.--_Alma Mater_, Vol. I. p. 14.

Hither they repair each day after dinner "_to wine_."

_Ibid._, Vol. I. p. 95.

After dinner I had the honor of _wining_ with no less a personage than a fellow of the college.--_Ibid._, Vol. I. p. 114.

In _wining_ with a fair one opposite, a luckless piece of jelly adhered to the tip of his still more luckless nose.--_The Blank Book of a Small-Colleger_, New York, 1824, p. 75.

WINE PARTY. Among students at the University of Cambridge, Eng., an entertainment after dinner, which is thus described by Bristed: "Many assemble at _wine parties_ to chat over a frugal dessert of oranges, biscuits, and cake, and sip a few glasses of not remarkably good wine. These wine parties are the most common entertainments, being rather the cheapest and very much the most convenient, for the preparations required for them are so slight as not to disturb the studies of the hardest reading man, and they take place at a time when no one pretends to do any work."--_Five Years in an Eng. Univ._, Ed. 2d, p. 21.

WIRE. At Harvard College, a trick; an artifice; a stratagem; a _dodge_.

WIRY. Trickish; artful.

WITENAGEMOTE. Saxon, _witan_, to know, and _gemot_, a meeting, a council.

In the University of Oxford, the weekly meeting of the heads of the colleges.--_Oxford Guide_.

WOODEN SPOON. In the University of Cambridge, Eng., the scholar whose name stands last of all on the printed list of honors, at the Bachelors' Commencement in January, is scoffingly said to gain the _wooden spoon_. He is also very currently himself called the _wooden spoon_.

A young academic coming into the country immediately after this great competition, in which he had conspicuously distinguished himself, was asked by a plain country gentleman, "Pray, Sir, is my Jack a Wrangler?" "No, Sir." Now Jack had confidently pledged himself to his uncle that he would take his degree with honor. "A Senior Optime?" "No, Sir." "Why, what was he then?" "Wooden Spoon!" "Best suited to his wooden head," said the mortified inquirer.--_Forby's Vocabulary_, Vol. II. p. 258.

It may not perhaps be improper to mention one very remarkable personage, I mean "the _Wooden Spoon_." This luckless wight (for what cause I know not) is annually the universal butt and laughing-stock of the whole Senate-House. He is the last of those young men who take honors, in his year, and is called a Junior Optime; yet, notwithstanding his being in fact superior to them all, the very lowest of the [Greek: oi polloi], or gregarious undistinguished bachelors, think themselves entitled to shoot the pointless arrows of their clumsy wit against the _wooden spoon_; and to reiterate the stale and perennial remark, that "Wranglers are born with gold spoons in their mouths, Senior Optimes with silver, Junior Optimes with _wooden_, and the [Greek: oi polloi] with leaden ones."--_Gent. Mag._, 1795, p. 19.

Who while he lives must wield the boasted prize, Whose value all can feel, the weak, the wise; Displays in triumph his distinguished boon, The solid honors of the _wooden spoon_. _Grad. ad Cantab._, p. 119.

2. At Yale College, this title is conferred on the student who takes the last appointment at the Junior Exhibition. The following account of the ceremonies incident to the presentation of the Wooden Spoon has been kindly furnished by a graduate of that institution.

"At Yale College the honors, or, as they are there termed, appointments, are given to a class twice during the course;--upon the merits of the two preceding years, at the end of the first term, Junior; and at the end of the second term, Senior, upon the merits of the whole college course. There are about eight grades of appointments, the lowest of which is the Third Colloquy. Each grade has its own standard, and if a number of students have attained to the same degree, they receive the same appointment. It is rarely the case, however, that more than one student can claim the distinction of a third colloquy; but when there are several, they draw lots to see which is entitled to be considered properly _the_ third colloquy man.

"After the Junior appointments are awarded, the members of the Junior Class hold an exhibition similar to the regular Junior exhibition, and present a _wooden spoon_ to the man who received the lowest honor in the gift of the Faculty.

"The exhibition takes place in the evening, at some public hall in town. Except to those engaged in the arrangements, nothing is known about it among the students at large, until the evening of the performances, when notices of the hour and place are quietly circulated at prayers, in order that it may not reach the ears of the Faculty, who are ever too ready to participate in the sports of the students, and to make the result tell unfavorably against the college welfare of the more prominent characters.

"As the appointed hour approaches, long files of black coats may be seen emerging from the dark halls, and winding their way through the classic elms towards the Temple, the favorite scene of students' exhibitions and secret festivals. When they reach the door, each man must undergo the searching scrutiny of the door-keeper, usually disguised as an Indian, to avoid being recognized by a college officer, should one chance to be in the crowd, and no one is allowed to enter unless he is known.

"By the time the hour of the exercises has arrived, the hall is densely packed with undergraduates and professional students. The President, who is a non-appointment man, and probably the poorest scholar in the class, sits on a stage with his associate professors. Appropriate programmes, printed in the college style, are scattered throughout the house. As the hour strikes, the President arises with becoming dignity, and, instead of the usual phrase, 'Musicam audeamus,' restores order among the audience by 'Silentiam audeamus,' and then addresses the band, 'Musica cantetur.'

"Then follow a series of burlesque orations, dissertations, and disputes, upon scientific and other subjects, from the wittiest and cleverest men in the class, and the house is kept in a continual roar of laughter. The highest appointment men frequently take part in the speeches. From time to time the band play, and the College choir sing pieces composed for the occasion. In one of the best, called AUDACIA, composed in imitation of the Crambambuli song, by a member of the class to which the writer belonged, the Wooden Spoon is referred to in the following stanza:--

'But do not think our life is aimless; O no! we crave one blessed boon, It is the prize of value nameless, The honored, classic WOODEN SPOON; But give us this, we'll shout Hurrah! O nothing like Audacia!'

"After the speeches are concluded and the music has ceased, the President rises and calls the name of the hero of the evening, who ascends the stage and stands before the high dignitary. The President then congratulates him upon having attained to so eminent a position, and speaks of the pride that he and his associates feel in conferring upon him the highest honor in their gift,--the Wooden Spoon. He exhorts him to pursue through life the noble cruise he has commenced in College,--not seeking glory as one of the illiterate,--the [Greek: oi polloi],--nor exactly on the fence, but so near to it that he may safely be said to have gained the 'happy medium.'

"The President then proceeds to the grand ceremony of the evening, --the delivery of the Wooden Spoon,--a handsomely finished spoon, or ladle, with a long handle, on which is carved the name of the Class, and the rank and honor of the recipient, and the date of its presentation. The President confers the honor in Latin, provided he and his associates are able to muster a sufficient number of sentences.

"When the President resumes his seat, the Third Colloquy man thanks his eminent instructors for the honor conferred upon him, and thanks (often with sincerity) the class for the distinction he enjoys. The exercises close with music by the band, or a burlesque colloquy. On one occasion, the colloquy was announced upon the programme as 'A Practical Illustration of Humbugging,' with a long list of witty men as speakers, to appear in original costumes. Curiosity was very much excited, and expectation on the tiptoe, when the colloquy became due. The audience waited and waited until sufficiently _humbugged_, when they were allowed to retire with the laugh turned against them.

"Many men prefer the Wooden Spoon to any other college honor or prize, because it comes directly from their classmates, and hence, perhaps, the Faculty disapprove of it, considering it as a damper to ambition and college distinctions."

This account of the Wooden Spoon Exhibition was written in the year 1851. Since then its privacy has been abolished, and its exercises are no longer forbidden by the Faculty. Tutors are now not unfrequently among the spectators at the presentation, and even ladies lend their presence, attention, and applause, to beautify, temper, and enliven the occasion.

The "_Wooden Spoon_," tradition says, was in ancient times presented to the greatest glutton in the class, by his appreciating classmates. It is now given to the one whose name comes last on the list of appointees for the Junior Exhibition, though this rule is not strictly followed. The presentation takes place during the Summer Term, and in vivacity with respect to the literary exercises, and brilliance in point of audience, forms a rather formidable rival to the regularly authorized Junior Exhibition.--_Songs of Tale_, Preface, 1853, p. 4.

Of the songs which are sung in connection with the wooden spoon presentation, the following is given as a specimen.

"Air,--_Yankee Doodle_.

"Come, Juniors, join this jolly tune Our fathers sang before us; And praise aloud the wooden spoon In one long, swelling chorus. Yes! let us, Juniors, shout and sing The spoon and all its glory,-- Until the welkin loudly ring And echo back the story.

"Who would not place this precious boon Above the Greek Oration? Who would not choose the wooden spoon Before a dissertation? Then, let, &c.

"Some pore o'er classic works jejune, Through all their life at College,-- I would not pour, but use the spoon To fill my mind with knowledge. So let, &c.

"And if I ever have a son Upon my knee to dandle, I'll feed him with a wooden spoon Of elongated handle. Then let, &c.

"Most college honors vanish soon, Alas! returning never, But such a noble wooden spoon Is tangible for ever. So let, &c.

"Now give, in honor of the spoon, Three cheers, long, loud, and hearty, And three for every honored June In coch-le-au-re-a-ti.[88] Yes! let us, Juniors, shout and sing The spoon and all its glory,-- Until the welkin loudly ring And echo back the story." _Songs of Yale_, 1853, p. 37.

WRANGLER. In the University of Cambridge, Eng., at the conclusion of the tenth term, the final examination in the Senate-House takes place. A certain number of those who pass this examination in the best manner are called _Wranglers_.

The usual number of _Wranglers_--whatever Wrangler may have meant once, it now implies a First Class man in Mathematics--is thirty-seven or thirty-eight. Sometimes it falls to thirty-five, and occasionally rises above forty.--_Bristed's Five Years in an Eng. Univ._, Ed. 2d, p. 227.

See SENIOR WRANGLER.

WRANGLERSHIP. The office of a _Wrangler_.

He may be considered pretty safe for the highest _Wranglership_ out of Trinity.--_Bristed's Five Years in an Eng. Univ._, Ed. 2d, p. 103.

WRESTLING-MATCH. At Harvard College, it was formerly the custom, on the first Monday of the term succeeding the Commencement vacation, for the Sophomores to challenge the Freshmen who had just entered College to a wrestling-match. A writer in the New England Magazine, 1832, in an article entitled "Harvard College Forty Years Ago," remarks as follows on this subject: "Another custom, not enjoined by the government, had been in vogue from time immemorial. That was for the Sophomores to challenge the Freshmen to a wrestling-match. If the Sophomores were thrown, the Juniors gave a similar challenge. If these were conquered, the Seniors entered the lists, or treated the victors to as much wine, punch, &c. as they chose to drink. In my class, there were few who had either taste, skill, or bodily strength for this exercise, so that we were easily laid on our backs, and the Sophomores were acknowledged our superiors, in so far as 'brute force' was concerned. Being disgusted with these customs, we held a class-meeting, early in our first quarter, and voted unanimously that we should never send a Freshman on an errand; and, with but one dissenting voice, that we would not challenge the next class that should enter to wrestle. When the latter vote was passed, our moderator, pointing at the dissenting individual with the finger of scorn, declared it to be a vote, _nemine contradicente_. We commenced Sophomores, another Freshman Class entered, the Juniors challenged them, and were thrown. The Seniors invited them to a treat, and these barbarous customs were soon after abolished."--Vol. III. p. 239.

The Freshman Class above referred to, as superior to the Junior, was the one which graduated in 1796, of which Mr. Thomas Mason, surnamed "the College Lion," was a member,--"said," remarks Mr. Buckingham, "to be the greatest _wrestler_ that was ever in College. He was settled as a clergyman at Northfield, Mass., resigned his office some years after, and several times represented that town in the Legislature of Massachusetts." Charles Prentiss, the wit of the Class of '95, in a will written on his departure from college life, addresses Mason as follows:--

"Item. Tom M----n, COLLEGE LION, Who'd ne'er spend cash enough to buy one, The BOANERGES of a pun, A man of science and of fun, That quite uncommon witty elf, Who darts his bolts and shoots himself, Who oft has bled beneath my jokes, I give my old _tobacco-box_." _Buckingham's Reminiscences_, Vol. II. p. 271.

The fame which Mr. Mason had acquired while in College for bodily strength and skill in wrestling, did not desert him after he left. While settled as a minister at Northfield, a party of young men from Vermont challenged the young men of that town to a bout at wrestling. The challenge was accepted, and on a given day the two parties assembled at Northfield. After several rounds, when it began to appear that the Vermonters were gaining the advantage, a proposal was made, by some who had heard of Mr. Mason's exploits, that he should be requested to take part in the contest. It had now grown late, and the minister, who usually retired early, had already betaken himself to bed. Being informed of the request of the wrestlers, for a long time he refused to go, alleging as reasons his ministerial capacity, the force of example, &c. Finding these excuses of no avail, he finally arose, dressed himself, and repaired to the scene of action. Shouts greeted him on his arrival, and he found himself on the wrestling-field, as he had stood years ago at Cambridge. The champion of the Vermonters came forward, flushed with his former victories. After playing around him for some time, Mr. Mason finally threw him. Having by this time collected his ideas of the game, when another antagonist appeared, tripping up his heels with perfect ease, he suddenly twitched him off his centre and laid him on his back. Victory was declared in favor of Northfield, and the good minister was borne home in triumph.