CHAPTER XI

BONNE MAMAN'S DEATH

We were at Quimper when _bonne maman_ died. She had been failing for some time, and her character, until then so gentle, had altered. Mere trifles disquieted her, and she became fretful, alarmed, and even impatient. She seemed so little in her big bed, and, when I wanted to climb up beside her, after my wont, she signed to Jeannie to take me away and said that it tired her too much to see children and that the air of a sick-room was not good for them. "Tell my daughter--tell her. They must not come!" she repeated several times in a strange, shrill voice. I slid down from the bed, I remember, abashed and disconcerted, and while I longed to see my dear _bonne maman_ as I had known her, I was afraid of this changed _bonne maman_; and it hurt me more for her than for myself that she should be so changed.

But one day when _maman_ was in the room, she caught sight of me hanging about furtively in the passage, and called out gently to me to go away, that _bonne maman_ was tired and was going to sleep. Then a poor little voice, no longer shrill, very trembling, came from the bed, saying: "Let her come, Eliane. It will not hurt me. I want to see her for a moment."

I approached the bed, walking on tiptoe; the curtains were drawn to shade _bonne maman_ from the sunlight, and I softly came and stood within them. O my poor _bonne maman_! I could hardly recognize her. She seemed old--old and shrunken, and her eyes no longer smiled. She looked at me so fixedly that I was frightened, and she said to _maman_:

"Lift her up on the bed. I want to kiss her." She took my hand then, and looked at my little finger as she always used to do, and said: "I see that you have been very good with your mother, but that you don't obey your nurse. You must always be obedient. You understand me, don't you, Sophie? Do you say your prayers?"

"Yes, _bonne maman_," I answered.

"Have you said them this morning?"

"No, _bonne maman_."

"Say them now."

I made the sign of the cross and said the following prayer, which I repeated morning and evening every day, and with slightly altered nomenclature, my children and grandchildren have repeated, as I did, until the age of reason: "_Mon Dieu_, bless me and bless and preserve _grand-père_, _bonne maman_, _maman_, _papa_, my sisters, my brother, Tiny" [this was my little dog], "Ghislaine, France, Kerandraon, all my family, and make me very good. Amen." When I had finished, _bonne maman_ drew me gently to her, pressed me in her arms, and kissed me on my eyes.

After this, for how many days I do not remember, everything became very still in the house. The servants whispered when they had to speak, and the older people, when they met us, told us gently to go into the garden and to be very quiet. We did not see _maman_ or _papa_ at all. My _tante_ de Laisieu was with us, and dear France. _Bon papa_ arrived from Paris. One morning was very sunny and beautiful, and as I played with Eliane in the garden I forgot the oppression that weighed upon us and began to sing to her a Breton song which Jeannie had taught me. These were the words:

Le Roy vient demain au château, "Ecoute moi bien, ma Fleurette, Tu regarderas bien son aigrette!"

"Je regarderai," dit Fleurette, "Pour bien reconnaître le Roy! Mes yeux ne verront que toi, Et mon coeur n'aimera que toi."

While I sang I looked up at _bonne maman's_ window, for I knew how fond she was of hearing me. The window was shut, and this was unusual; so I sang the louder, that she should hear me, of _Fleurette_ and _le Roy_. Then France and one of the servants came running out of the house, and I saw that both had been crying, and France put his arm about me while the servant said, "Mademoiselle must not sing." And France whispered: "You will wake _bonne maman_. Go into the orchard, dear Sophie. There you will not be heard." In the evening papa came for us in the nursery, and I saw that he, too, had been crying. I had never before seen tears in his dear eyes. He took us up to _maman's_ room. All the blinds were drawn down, but I could see her lying on her bed, in her white woolen _peignoir_, her arms crossed behind her head, her black jet rosary lying along the sheet beside her. We kissed her, one after the other, and I saw the great tears rolling down her cheeks.

"_Maman_--is _bonne maman_ very ill?" I whispered. I felt that something terrible had happened to us all.

"My little girl," said _maman_, "your poor _bonne maman_ does not suffer any more. She is very happy now with the angels and _le bon Dieu_," but _maman_ was sobbing as she spoke.

I knew death only as it had come to one of my little birds that lived in the round cage hung in the nursery-window, and I was very much frightened when papa said: "I am going to take Sophie to your mother's room, Eliane. She is old enough to understand." But I went with him obediently, holding his hand. Outside _bonne maman's_ door he paused and stooped to kiss me and said: "I know how much you loved your _bonne maman_, Sophie, and I want you to say good-by to her, for you will never see her again. She loved you so much, my little darling, and you shall be the last one to kiss her." The room was all black, and in the middle stood the bed. Beside it, on a table, a little _chapelle_ had been made with a great silver cross and candelabra with lighted tapers. A bunch of fresh box stood in a goblet of holy water. _Bonne maman_ lay with her arms stretched out before her, the hands clasped on her black wooden crucifix with a silver Christ that had always hung upon her wall. Her hair was not dressed, but drawn up from her forehead and covered with a mantilla of white silk Spanish lace, which fell down over her shoulders on each side. I stood beside her holding papa's hand. Her profile was sharply cut against the blackness, and I had never before seen how beautiful it was. Her eyes were closed, and she smiled tranquilly. I felt no longer any fear; but when papa lifted me in his arms so that I might kiss _bonne maman_ and my lips touched her forehead, a great shock went through me. How cold her forehead was! O my poor _bonne maman_! Even now, after all the lusters that have passed over me, I feel the cold of that last kiss.