CHAPTER XXV.

AFTER SOME ADVENTURES BY SEA AND LAND I JOIN MY NEW REGIMENT IN THE PYRENEES.

All the troops, except those left to repair and garrison Badajoz, having moved off, I proceeded immediately to Lisbon. Here I remained as short a time as possible, not from over anxiety to see England, but because, although I had the horrors of the sacking of Badajoz in painful recollection, I felt greater horror at the idea that I might be taken for a Belemite. During the splendid campaigns which took place in the Peninsula from 1808 to 1813 many British officers were collected at Belem, and with peculiar tact so contrived as always to remain in the rear of the army. Some were unwillingly kept back from debility of constitution or through wounds, but a large majority were inflicted with a disease which, baffling the skill of learned doctors, loudly called for a remedy far different from that of medical treatment. This patrician band, amounting to the incredible number of upwards of a thousand, were formed into an inefficient depôt at Belem, a suburb of Lisbon, distant thence about five miles. That this over prudent body was not exclusively composed of wounded will appear when it is known that the greater number of its members had never seen nor heard a shot fired during the whole of the eventful period mentioned, far more cautions indeed than the smooth-faced Roman patricians who fled from the slingers at Pharsalia. This careful band did not venture so far even as the skirts of the fight; and it might truthfully be said that the movement of the whole army was attended with less difficulty than the movement of a single Belemite to the front. The complaint or disease of which they complained they invariably attributed to the liver; but medical men after careful analysis attributed it to an affection of the heart, founding their conclusions on the fact that whenever any of those backward patients came forward, the violent palpitations of that organ clearly proved that it was much more affected by the artificial fire in the field than was the liver by the physical heat of the sun.

A ludicrous scene took place in Lisbon whilst I was there, in which one of these gentlemen of the rearguard made a very conspicuous, though not happy figure, and so caused much merriment. Prevailing upon himself to fancy that he was deeply in love with a young and beautiful Portugese lady of noble birth and ample fortune, he was unwearied in his addresses. These, as it would appear, were not disagreeable to the amiable fair; but her parents entertaining quite different sentiments, used every endeavour to cut off all communication between the lovers. Notwithstanding, our hero, active and persevering in the wars of Venus as passive and quiescent in those of Mars, was not to be shaken; and finding that his visits to the lady’s house were no longer desired, he became incessant in his attendance at a post taken up opposite to a particular window in the rear of the mansion wherein the lady resided. Here a telegraphic correspondence was established between the lovers. This being discovered by the vigilant parents, means were adopted to prevent the appearance of their daughter at the propitious window. Finding however that the hero was not to be diverted from his purpose, and that he continued to attend every evening about dusk in the vicinity of the window, they determined to bring about by stratagem that which neither threat nor remonstrance could effect.

[Sidenote: WITH LOVE’S LIGHT WINGS.]

In the meantime the champion, more of love than of war, relaxed not in his dusky visits, although uniformly disappointed. Fancy then his ecstasy one evening, after such continued vexations and as he was about to depart, at again beholding the cherished object of all his solicitude present herself at the accommodating window. His heart bounded at recognising the high bonnet with pink ribbons, so well remembered. Half frantic with delight he rapturously pressed his hands to his heart, then applying them to his lips shot them forward in the direction of the lovely fair. Here his happiness was increased tenfold at perceiving that his angel, who on former occasions but doubtingly countenanced his love, now with fervour apparently equal to his own repeated all his amorous gestures; this he naturally attributed to pure affection, heightened by long separation. His amorous expressions also were repeated, so far as the distance which separated them allowed him to distinguish words, although as he afterwards related he fancied the intonation of the voice an octave higher than usual and the sudden interruptions rather hysterical; but this he attributed to the flurried state of her mind at the moment. All tended in his excited imagination to show the great interest she felt at the interview. Urged by these sentiments, he hurried forward; his charmer hurried from the window. Excited to the highest pitch and considering the retreat from the window, which was left open, rather an invitation than a repulse, he determined to enter; and fortunately discovering a short ladder in the garden, left as he thought through accident or neglect, with its aid he boldly entered the room. The obscurity here being greater, he could barely see the loved object of his search quickly retire to a large armchair; to this he promptly followed, and throwing himself upon his knees held forth his clasped hands in a supplicating manner, when lo and behold! the doors were suddenly thrown open and a numerous concourse of ladies and gentlemen with lights hurried into the room before the lover had time to resume his upright position. Fancy his confusion and amazement at beholding in the first person who entered the object of all his affections, and his horror and consternation when turning round to the object before whom he knelt, he found his closed hands firmly clasped by a large Brazilian monkey! This ape was the particular favourite of the young lady, and on this occasion was dressed by order of her parents in the precise apparel which they had seen their daughter always wear during the balcony interviews. Thunderstruck and abashed as he regarded all the objects round and as the shrill voice and chirping hysterical sounds flashed on his memory now dreadfully explained, he fully represented wild despair and abject humility. Yet he still clung to the hope that the young lady would try to extricate him from his degrading dilemma, when she thus addressed him: “Ah, faithless wretch!--not content with endeavouring to betray me alone, but also to attempt seducing the affections of my favourite, my darling monkey! Begone, wretch, nor let me ever more behold thy odious presence!” and darting at him a glance of the utmost disdain she flounced out of the room. Now, becoming furious at his ludicrous situation, and scarcely knowing how to vent his rage, he drew forth his sword from under his cloak and in a menacing attitude prepared to attack the innocent object at whose feet he had so lately knelt, and to whom he had so ardently poured forth the fervency of his passion. The imitative animal, instantly snatching up a large fan which lay on the armchair and little knowing his danger, immediately assumed a similar menacing attitude, when a loud cry burst forth from all, “Shame, shame, to enter the lists against a poor defenceless monkey!” This was too much to be borne, and the beau, the dupe of stratagem, followed the example of the young lady by leaving the room, with this difference--the young lady proudly and slowly went upstairs, but our hero with an entirely opposite feeling rushed hurriedly down. There was thought of remonstrances to the British authorities; but it being ascertained that this tender man of war was not quartered in Lisbon, but a Belemite who in amorous mood strayed away from his tribe, no military investigation took place. However the affair becoming the topic of general merriment, the gallant gay Lothario could not endure the derision to which he was exposed. But what annoyed him most was the report that he had fought a duel with a monkey. He therefore determined to join the army and resigning the voluptuous court of Venus ranged himself at last under the rigid standard of Mars; thus what the hero of the Peninsula failed to accomplish was brought about by a Brazilian baboon, the forcing of a Belemite from out his safehold to the field of war.

[Sidenote: A JULIET OF BRAZIL.]

Having remained but a very few days in Lisbon, I proceeded to England and reporting myself at the Horse Guards was ordered to join the 2nd Battalion of my regiment, quartered at Lewes. Thence I was immediately sent on recruiting service; but having shortly after procured my recall, I applied to His Royal Highness the Duke of York for leave to join the 1st Battalion of the Regiment then in the Peninsula, although I belonged to the 2nd Battalion at home. His Royal Highness was pleased to grant my request; this was facilitated by there being at the time three captains of the 1st Battalion in England. I now proceeded to Portsmouth to procure a passage to Lisbon. Here I found there was but one transport ready to sail for the Peninsula; this being a horse transport was filled with those animals and dragoon officers, to whom alone the cabin was dedicated. However, Colonel Sir James Douglas, Colonel Belnevis, Majors Leggatt and Arnot, infantry officers, having arrived before me at Portsmouth had contrived to get berths, but there was none left for me; even the floor was portioned off. My application for a passage was therefore negatived; but after repeated entreaties to Captain Patten, Agent of Transports, he permitted me to sail in the vessel, with the proviso however that I should pledge my word of honour not to take that precedence in choice of berths to which my rank entitled me; in a word, not to interfere with the convenience of the cavalry officers, who were all subalterns. From my anxiety to return to Spain and impatience of delay, I hesitated not a moment in agreeing to the proposal.

[Sidenote: A THREATENED FIGHT BY SEA.]

Our voyage proceeded prosperously until we approached the Bay of Biscay, when entering on its skirts and in very rough weather we fell in with a British man-of-war. Perceiving us alone, she very genteelly undertook to protect us. In pursuance of this disinterested act she made signals for us to follow her movements, in obeying which we entered much deeper into the bay than the master of the transport or any other person on board could account for. While we were steering thus for a considerable time, certainly very wide of our true course, an American privateer with a prize in tow hove in sight, when our kind and voluntary protector immediately left us, making his course for those vessels, which on his approach separated taking different directions. But the British man-of-war turning his back on the hostile privateer, allowed her to depart without any molestation; and considering perhaps that he best served his country in doing so chose the prize for chase, by the capture of which salvage would reward his patriotism. The three vessels were soon out of sight. The man-of-war and the prize we never saw more; but towards evening the privateer was again discovered bearing down upon us. Approaching within gunshot she lay to on our starboard bow. Having four guns aside which were shotted and everything ready for action, we also played the bravo, and reefing our mainsail also lay to. Colonel Douglas, as chief in command, took no particular station; Colonel Belnevis, Major Leggatt and Major Arnot commanded the starboard guns; the bow gun, same side, was allotted to me. When we had silently broadsided each other for some time, the privateer, seeing our vessel full of troops and moreover double her size, dared not hazard an attempt at boarding, and perceiving our four guns aside did not fire into us; while we, on the other side, had many reasons for not wishing an action. Perceiving however the hesitation of the enemy, we put the best face on the affair and resolved stoutly to bear down direct upon her. On our approaching the privateer crowded all sail and to our infinite satisfaction bore away, repeating the same signals made by our faithful commodore in the morning--_i.e._, to follow her movements; and this too with the English flag flying. To say the truth we were in miserable fighting trim; for although we had four guns aside, we dreaded their explosion more than the shot from our enemy. The locks of these guns were but very imperfectly fastened on; and through some extraordinary oversight no medical officer had been embarked.

The wind having much increased and we being in the centre of the bay, the vessel rolled awfully. Water-casks, portmanteaus, hencoops breaking from their lashings fearfully traversed the decks, and obeying only the rolling of the vessel threatened broken limbs to all who came in their way. These obstacles and many others of a minor kind gave particular annoyance to the cavalry officers, who being dressed for professional fight and mostly being but a short time in the Service, wore their spurs unconscionably long and consequently detrimental; for many things which otherwise would have crossed the deck, fastened on the spurs, and their owners in the confusion of the moment could not account for the closeness with which they were charged, forgetting that their own weapons dragged the encumbrances after them. All things considered, we were well pleased at not being obliged to fight; our nerves could not have been doubted. The infantry, four field officers and one captain were veterans often proved in action; and the gallantry of the dragoons could not for a moment be called in question, for they showed themselves gamecocks even to the heels. The name of one of these officers I mention from his peculiar and melancholy fate, Lieutenant Trotter, 4th Dragoon Guards. At the Battle of Waterloo he gallantly took a French dragoon officer prisoner in single combat. While conducting him to the rear (of course on his parole and therefore permitted to ride), Trotter never thought of being on his guard; but the assassin, watching an opportunity when Trotter turned round, drew out a pistol which he had concealed in his breast and shot poor Trotter through the head. He instantly fell dead but the murderer escaped.

[Sidenote: A STRANGE PROTECTOR.]

When we had succeeded in lashing the water-casks, portmanteaus and coops, and recooping the fugitive poultry, and having fortunately got rid of both our foe and our protector, we, to make use of a military phrase, brought up our left shoulders to resume our proper course, from which we had been diverted, nay, ordered to deviate by the insidious interference of a man-of-war. The master of the transport calculated that by obeying his signals, our voyage was considerably prolonged. Thus was the public Service retarded and British troops placed in a perilous situation by a person whose bounden duty it was to protect them, yet who first led us into danger and then left us to our fate in a comparatively defenceless transport while he himself turned his back on friend and foe and went in search of a prize. Few such instances have occurred or are likely to occur, since such conduct is surely as repugnant to the feelings of our brave sailors as to our own.

During the rest of our voyage we met with no further adventure. After our encounter I told Colonel Douglas that having been now called upon duty I was entitled to a choice of berths according to my rank, in which Douglas fully agreed; but as I had pledged my word to Captain Patten that I should not interfere with the dragoon officers, I continued my usual dormitory, which was on the hay put on board for the horses.

On our arrival at Lisbon, Colonel Douglas ascertained the name of our convoy and that of the captain. He declared at the time that he would report the whole transaction to the Commander-in-chief. Whether he did so or not I cannot say, as I never after had the pleasure of meeting him but once, and that on the Pyrenees and under circumstances which precluded much conversation: he was bleeding profusely from a gunshot wound which he had just received in the neck. I recollect being told on our arrival at Lisbon by a gallant old naval officer, who was highly indignant at the affair, that we were taken in convoy because our voluntary protector did not belong to the station, and therefore took the opportunity of offering his services as a pretext for trespassing on Sir Richard Keats’ cruising ground.

Having remained in Lisbon barely long enough to prepare equipment necessary to take the field, I now marched from that capital for the fourth time; but although superior in rank I did not feel more happy. On former occasions I proudly fell into the ranks of as fine and gallant a corps as ever moved forth to battle; I laughed and joked with old comrades whom I sincerely esteemed. Our march was enlivened with martial music, and we enjoyed each other’s society when the daily march was over. That was a walk of pleasure; but now the contrast was woeful. Silent and alone I left Lisbon. I had a dreary march of some hundred miles before me; heavily therefore I plodded along and always in dread of being taken for a Belemite. At last however I fortunately fell in with an artillery officer, a lieutenant who was proceeding to the army with a relay of mules for the guns. My new acquaintance being also proficient in more languages than one, we could, as occasion required, and without dread of detection, pass as natives of different countries; and through the general information acquired by the curious traveller who has wandered far, we were enabled to act in many capacities. In some measure therefore to brighten the gloom and break the monotony of our long and dreary march, we exerted our ingenuity in frequent varieties of calling.

[Sidenote: PLANNING AN ELOPEMENT.]

In our playful frolics we acted many parts; but to recount all the occurrences which took place during this extraordinarily long march would be impossible; yet, lest it should be imagined that I wish to insinuate that fortune smiled upon all our juvenile and thoughtless freaks and to show that, as all who adventure much, we also shared her frowns, I shall relate one anecdote. Approaching the Ebro, we were billeted in the house of a hidalgo a short way from the town of Reynosa. In the mansion of our noble host dwelt two beautiful young ladies, nieces of a High Church dignitary, then absent at Madrid. With one of these fair ladies the lieutenant of artillery became desperately enamoured, and his love seemed to be returned. A mutual attachment was confessed; a union was mutually agreed upon; and the fair Iberian heroically determined to knit her fate with that of her lover and confiding in his honour resolved on an elopement. That my friend’s intentions were perfectly honourable I had no doubt; but to induce a Spanish bishop to give the hand of his niece to a heretic was not to be thought of. Under these circumstances I of course lent my aid, seeing that my companion was determined at all hazard to carry her off. The elopement was fixed for the morning dawn. The heroine, the better to elude discovery, determined to travel for a stage or two in male attire; to this I contributed a new hat. In this hat were closely crammed a pair of doeskin inexpressibles belonging to the great gun officer, which were privately consigned to the fair lady and by her kept in her room until required. One of our servants was to accompany the lady and gentleman, who were to start at daybreak, each riding in a man’s saddle and as men do, to which the lady made no objection. In truth Spanish ladies see nothing either morally or physically wrong in this mode of travelling. The principal object to be attained was to lull the suspicions of the family, particularly that of the young lady’s aunt and of her elder sister, whose vigilance was roused by certain telegraphic glances which passed between the incautious lovers. To forward this we invited the whole family that night and generously supplied them with mulled wine highly spiced and sweetened and qualified with a liberal portion of brandy. This punch royal was plentifully supplied; and to say the truth the beverage was freely quaffed by all to a very late hour, when at length all retired to rest. The anxiously looked-for dawn having appeared, we beheld the little lady emerging from her room fully equipped for travelling. Her costume certainly caused some mirth. My friend’s doeskins not being sufficiently ample, were ripped down the rear; but for security, as well as to prevent untoward accidents, the young lady had established a communication between the separated parts of the dress by cross-lacing or frogging, such as may be seen across the breast of a hussar’s blue frock. My hat was tastefully perched on the crown of her head, rather on one side and made fast to a net or caul in which her hair was confined, an arrangement not unfrequently adopted by men in Spain. Thus, with the addition of a pair of top or jockey-boots (also mine) and a handsome whip, she had all the appearance of a smart and fashionable little postilion. Her white jacket was also slit and frogged, but in front and for a similar reason. Now as we lightly tripped downstairs a confused noise was heard through the house, a violent retching caused by the previous night’s dissipation; all were indeed aroused; and as we were hurrying our little postilion towards the stables we were overtaken by the ever vigilant aunt and a host of servants. Protestations of honourable intentions were vain; the poor little postilion was made prisoner and marched back to the house, while we slunk off crestfallen and abashed.

[Sidenote: AN ELOPEMENT PREVENTED.]

Moving silently along we arrived that night at Reynosa and were billeted in different houses. Next day we visited the interesting little hamlet Fontebro, so called from its being close to two springs, whence that noble stream the Ebro derives its waters; this was three miles distant from Reynosa. On our return we dined with the gentleman at whose house I was quartered, a most hospitable person; his wife was equally hospitable; they cordially invited us to remain some days. We met a large party of ladies and gentlemen at dinner and were highly entertained, as is generally the case at all foreign tables where people meet to eat, drink and be merry, rather than to watch what others eat and drink and criticise their manner of doing so. I once heard a fine gentleman ask the person next him at a dinner-party and in hearing of the person who caused the remark, “Can you fancy anything so vulgar and ill-bred as to be helped twice to soup?” The answer was pungent and laconic, “Yes, remarking it.”

In the midst of our hilarity a servant entered with a parcel directed to the two English officers who had arrived at Reynosa the previous evening. For some reason or other I felt no inclination to open it; but the good couple of the house insisted that we should stand upon no ceremony, but examine its contents. When I loosened the string with a faltering hand, the first object which presented itself was my hat, with a pair of jockey-boots stuffed into it, the hat so soaked and squeezed that it appeared more like a dirty wet sponge than a cover for the head; next came the little white frogged jacket, which caused a good deal of laughter. On my showing some reluctance to explore further, the lady of the house, next to whom I sat, put her hand into the little bag and to our confusion drew forth my friend’s mutilated buckskins with the hussared rear face; these she held up to full view, whirling them round and round for the benefit of all eyes. The roars of laughter now became absolutely hysterical; we endeavoured to join in the general mirth, but I fear our laughter partook somewhat of Milton’s grin. Hundreds of questions were now asked in a breath--where did they come from? to whom did they belong? why cut them up? with many other curious enquiries, especially from the ladies. Seeing that any attempt at plausible explanation would most likely be doubted, we considered it better truly to relate the principal circumstances, glossing them over as well as we could. Our account but increased the mirth, especially among the fair, who wondered at our having been at all abashed at what should only cause a hearty laugh. One asked which of us helped to lace up the young lady, as she could not see to do it herself; and other like questions they asked which I cannot now call to mind. They all pathetically lamented the disappointment of the poor young would-be fugitive who was all ready. The affair certainly created much merriment; but we could not conceal even from ourselves that the merriment was entirely at our expense. Thus ended our last adventure, with a loss to my friend of a pair of doeskin tights cut up for a lady, and to me of a pair of boots and a new hat, for the water with which it was saturated had ruined it beyond repair.

[Sidenote: ARRIVAL IN THE PYRENEES.]

Next morning before dawn we crossed the Ebro and continued our march towards the army, perfectly cured of our frolics. Passing through Vittoria a few days after the celebrated battle there fought, I halted for a day to visit many old comrades, seventeen officers of the 28th, who had been wounded in the action. After cordially condoling with them all I went on again; and after a march of six hundred miles at length joined the army in the beginning of July on the great barriers placed by nature to separate France from Spain. The consequences of the victory at Vittoria still continued to operate. The enemy were thrust backwards at all points, and about the 7th or 8th of the month the entire frontier of Spain, from the celebrated Roncesvalles to the fortress of San Sebastian on the Bay of Biscay, was, with the exception of Pampeluna and one or two minor places, occupied by the victorious allies. In this position the triumphant army remained tranquil for a short time, except for the operations carried on in the investment and siege of San Sebastian and of Pampeluna.